Taking things slowly ...

[maxmax]

In the early stages of dating/relationship, what does this mean to you?

I know it's not just about the sex, but if you were starting dating someone, what would taking things slowly mean to you?

My own situation is as such ... so, I am seeing this rather lovely young lady (yes, previous disappointments have not detered me). We've been on three dates, and it's going well so far.

Well, sort of. On our last date she seemed pretty tired, and yawned a lot. At the same time, she seemed to be very relaxed, very tactile and playful, and keen on planning future dates.

I wasn't sure whether she was bored, and just joked about her frequent signs of tiredness. She seemed quite keen on stressing that it had nothing to do with me and more her work (she has crazy shifts/late night etc). However, I have heard the 'tired' excause before, and I have used it myself too.

She did mention in general that she likes to take things slowly, and see where they go when it comes to relationships.

To conlcude, there were a lot of mixed signals. Overall, I took them as being more her not being interested in furthering things. As such, as I waited with her for her bus, I did mention that I liked her company and that if she just wanted to be friends that would be fine with me.

As I said this her she grabbed me and kissed me full on. I wasn't expecting that.

She later texted me saying thanks and said I could call her any time. She now refers to me as 'babe' ...

Now, I'm thinking is this taking things slowly? Maybe we have a different take on what that means.

I don't want to be overly keen, because I am not sure quite how much I like her just yet, and also because I don't want to put her off.

Am I right in thinking that she really was just tired, and that her sudden enthusiasm is as a result of making sure I know she likes me?

[smackie9]

You are so silly. You have been on 3 dates and you haven't made a move yet?? (yawn) She said to take things slowly because she was thinking of making a break for it for you are there sitting like a no go lump. You really need to step it up or she WILL lose interest. She kissed you to see if you find her desirable or if she feels anything for you. Time to flirt and get the sexual tension going. You got to make this exciting for her or she will drift off to sleep.

[maxmax]

You are so silly. You have been on 3 dates and you haven't made a move yet?? (yawn) She said to take things slowly because she was thinking of making a break for it for you are there sitting like a no go lump. You really need to step it up or she WILL lose interest. She kissed you to see if you find her desirable or if she feels anything for you. Time to flirt and get the sexual tension going. You got to make this exciting for her or she will drift off to sleep.

LOL ... believe me, usually at least by the second date, if things are going well and there is a mutual interest, I would make a move as far as kissing goes. That has worked fine for me in the past.

She is just very confusing and hard to read. The last thing I wanted to do was jump on her when I thought that was the last thing she wanted. Early days I guess as we hardly know each other.

But yes, I am definitely interested, and when we meet next I will indeed be more 'hands on' ...

[The Gent]

Don't worry yourself, Brotorious B.I.G.

Just take your time & enjoy getting to know each other. As my fellow romance gurus told me in a thread I posted last week, take it easy & don't rush anything. She's kissed you already, she's interested my man. You've broken the smooching ice already so next time you meet, it'll likely happen again.

[smackie9]

I do not agree on taking it slow, if she push herself on you, that means she wants you to show more interest in her physically. I've done this myself to get things moving along with a guy. Just giving you a woman's perspective.

[The Gent]

I feel you, Smackie.
I just didn't wanna advise Bro J Simpson to pounce on the girl next time they meet lol.

[smackie9]

It's not poucing lol. He's no dog but when a man doesn't show confidence in himself to show a women that he finds her sexually attractive, he will come off as exciting as a wet blanket....that's a woman's perspective on this matter.

When a woman says lets take it slow, it usually means, I'm not sure if I'm interested in you anymore.....but her making the move is her trying to see his reaction,to see if he IS seriously interested....she wants to see passion from him, to let her know he does find her desirable.

[The Gent]

Yeaah sorry, Smackie...I was pretty vague there. I just meant that the next time they meet up, he shouldn't lean in for a massive smooch right away lmao.
I see your point though & to be honest, my advice is hypocritical 'cause when I like a girl, I make it pretty obvious that I do!

Maxmax, text this lovely lady right now & invite her round for drinks!

[Boisdevie]

What on earth is wrong with a bit of passion? Show her how you feel. If she kissed you then kiss her back. Make the running and stop being a limp wristed pussy.

[maxmax]

If she kissed you then kiss her back. Make the running and stop being a limp wristed pussy.

Excuse me? Maybe you didn't understand. As explained, the signals I was getting was that she wasn't interested in taking things further. And, I did kiss her back. I can't read everyone woman's mind especially when they're actions and words are contradictory.

[smackie9]

I'm so glad I'm a female that takes all the guess work out of dating.

[maxmax]

I'm so glad I'm a female that takes all the guess work out of dating.

Some guesswork is fun ... part of the thrill.

A healthy dose of directness is definitely needed though, and can be quite a turn-on (as well as saving confusion and time-wasting).

[maxmax]

Oh well ... it seems you might have been right.

She hasn't got back to my call or text today, and she always has her phone on her.

I will expect a 'don't think is going to work' message over the next day or so, because I am a pessimist and like feeling sorry for myself :-/

[The Gent]

[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXlZ6edCHqI]‪I KNOW THAT FEEL BRO...‬‏ - YouTube[/url]

Don't be too pessimistic, dude. She could just be turbo busy or something. I'm a quick texter & if I don't get a reply within like 4 minutes, I start thinking "have I said something wrong?" lol. A flaw of mine, but anyways don't dwell on these negative thoughts, broseph.

[maxmax]

Well, it's been a few days since I left a phone message, so I sent a short text asking if everything was OK and re-iterating that I'd like to see her again at some point.

Going to leave it now, and if I don't hear from her by the end of the week, then I'm moving on.

I just don't get people. If you're not interested, just say so. Don't ignore people. I kinda expect it from some, but not those who claim to be nice and respectable people.

I have never ignored someone and always had the guts and shown the respect to tell people straight. I don't like messing anyone around or keeping them guessing.