Need advice from a guy.. who's willing to help a girl out?

[deeblondie82]

Hey all I just had a question that I wanted to ask the guys to see their point of view on a situation I had. Okay so my boyfriend has been texting his ex. He had a history with her 10 years ago they were pretty serious but off and on again..his family loved her. Well they broke up because the both felt they were better off as friends and he was done with the whole back on and off again. Well recently he has been texting her. Just saying hi and what not, how do I know? Well he is pretty honest tells me that he talks to her which is nice that he lets me know..well she has been having BF issues and wanted to get away (she lives 2 and a half hrs from us) so she asked is it was cool if she came to visit with her kids. Mind you I have no clue who she is only that they had a history. I know they are just friends he told me one day when I said I feel weird that she will be coming for a weekend. He was like oh don't be like that.. she is my best friend. Well she isnt coming now car trouble but I have a question for you guys.. What would you do if your GF invited her ex over for a weekend and really doesn't see the problem in it? Would you be OK with it?

[redmagnum]

I would NOT be OK with my girlfreind inviting her ex anywhere! I don't care, two people who had been in a sexual relationship cannot go back to being "platonic freinds" again. They may fool themselves into thinking they can, but those old feeling will still be under the surface. A couple glasses of wine, you catch her eye in the right way, and a crush can start up again in no time.......... They're either broken up or not, there is no "back to being freinds" in my opinion. Any girl or guy who stays in contact with an ex, is, in my opinion, keeping a option open. Or the ex is trying to stay in the picture so she can be the rebound or the shoulder to cry on when/if the breakup happens.

It shows a complete lack of respect for the current relationship..........If I was serious about the girl, and had feelings for her, I would NOT want to meet the last guy who had sex with her......

Plus you'll be "on guard" the entire time, looking for lingering glances, flirtiness, etc. and you will see one thing that MAY be a sign of remaining attraction and you'll fly off the handle............I would!

[deeblondie82]

Thanks Red I totally agree. I mean can I ask you this? Should I have a serious talk with him about it. Just be calm and tell him how I feel bout the whole thing. He is not a big talker on feelings but has gotten better because of me. He even told his buddy that I have been helping him express his feelings by talking more. So you think I need to lay how I feel..Because I think he needs to see how much it bothers me he would invite someone over like that. He needs to see my side. Because I said I was weird about it he thinks im over reacting which im not.. I am in the right as his current gf. And even tho they havent be together in over 10 years still is wrong in my book to want her to come visit.

[bulrush]

It is not appropriate to have an ex gf spend the night in the house you two live in. It only leads to trouble. Generally, I do not contact my ex girlfriends. If my ex emails me once every 2 months, that is fine. If my ex emails me 4 times a week, I tell my current gf so I don't appear to be hiding anything. If my current gf objects, I tell my ex to stop emailing me.

Your bf should not be doing anything that makes you uncomfortable, or appears to threaten the relationship (within reason).

These are just the limits I go by.

[deeblondie82]

Thanks bulrus, I totally understand what you are saying. He did disrespect me and its truly wrong, I even tried to talk to him last night and he said I don't want to talk. It is very irritating to try to have communication with someone when they don't communicate back. I am at the point where I just need to say you either want to be with me or don't.. I will not stay with someone who cant respect and appreciate me.

[Wakeup]

I just need to say you either want to be with me or don't.. I will not stay with someone who cant respect and appreciate me.

Then it appears you will be single soon as he's doing neither... Sorry!