What would you do?

[deeblondie82]

Okay I have a question but here is the background first:

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months in Aug. We have had our ups and downs but if I went into that it would take me a long time lol. We are doing good now and before he was not big with talking bout feelings (most men aren't) but he started to open up when I had a serious talk with him about how hurt I was that he didn't tell me how he feels and then things got better when he did. So now he has been talking to his ex who he was with 10 years ago, he had a off and on again relationship with her for years. His family adored her and wanted him to marry her and him and his ex just didn't see it that way and broke up remaining best friends. Well since its been 10 years they always talk here and there and ever since I got with him he told me that most of his ex's are his good friends they just ended up that way. For me mine are mostly jerks and I can care less bout them.

Anyways.. his ex is having guy issues and wanted to get away( we live 2 hrs from her) and she asked to come for the weekend with her kids(None are his btw) he never really asked me just said she needs a break and wanted to get away for a weekend and then said your ok with it? I said I feel weird because she is your ex and you got history. He got irritated and said shes my friend and there's nothing going on. Anyway's now shes not coming because she had car problems ..thank god! lol But I mean what if your other half invited his/her ex over and thought it was ok when the other didn't think it was a good idea...your thoughts?? Thanks for reading all!!

[deeblondie82]

Oh and btw just today I was curious about what they talked about I know it was bad.. I am not a snooper but I really wanted to see what they talked about since he was texin her when I was in the room this was before she asked about coming over.. she told him kick your GF out and I will come over and help with the bills and we can help eac hother out!!! And then she said I guess that's a no from the delay in your response and hes like lol I would let you if you was serious! What the heck is that about. I know I know I am horrible for checking the phone but I don't know if they was joking or being for real.. now it driving me nuts.. should have never looked at his phone...

[keith905]

You are completely in the right. I hate when the other person can't see how you are being rational and they are being irrational. What makes me more upset is that they don't even respect your point of view and give you the benefit that MOST people would have said Hell no and be done with it.

[deeblondie82]

Totally Agree with that Keith. I mean all I was saying was I wasn't comfortable with the whole thing that I've never met her and her staying the weekend.. someone he was serious with makes a girl insecure I am sorry but it does. Makes me feel weird that she will be around and who know what will happen if she will try anything.. I dont know her.. or maybe she will be cool.. but its the whole point of being understanding of how I feel bout the whole thing and not making it out like I am jealous I mean yea I am a bit because they have such a tight bond but still I am his current GF and he should respect my feeling about it.

[keith905]

[QUOTE=deeblondie82;734165 but still I am his current GF and he should respect my feeling about it.[/QUOTE]

That's the main point. He SHOULD respect your feelings. You should be top priority over an EX. Even if they were/are close.

On the text messages, here's my opinion of that:
She's using him and he knows it. BUT, if she thought she was serious about getting back together, I wouldn't be surprised if she did get back with her.

Also, it sounded like he didn't even ask you to begin with. He just assumed you'd be cool with it. What kind of a person would even think that it would be cool to bring their ex over for the weekend? Most guys would be like, "ahh, I don't know. she might freak out." Maybe you are very kind to him and he just assumed you'd be fine. But even so, it's a little weird. Or maybe it was just his technique to get her there.

[deeblondie82]

I think you ment him about the text messages sorry it was confusing to read but I got the just of it.

[deeblondie82]

Yeah thats what I am saying. Like who would be cool with an ex to come for the weekend... I mean I was OK because she was his friend still cuz I know ppl who are still friends with ex's because they work out better as friends but once I read that text it made me think is that sarcasm or is that really the deal and that made me question things. That if she came over would she try to make some move when I wasnt in the room.. or will there be sparks again.. I have no clue its just a dangerous situation.

Do you think I should have a conversation on just how upset I am on how he invited her and didnt care about how I felt. I am not bringing up the text tho. I am keeping it to myself.. dont want him freaking on me about looking at his phone.. which again I should have never went thru

[keith905]

yea, you'll have to keep the knowledge of the text messages to yourself.

I would ask him about it. Hopefully, he doesn't get all defensive with you. I'm not sure if he didn't care how you felt, but I'd be curious as to why he thought you wouldn't care about an ex staying for the weekend. it's as if it never crossed his mind you wouldn't want his ex to stay for the weekend.

[deeblondie82]

I think I will talk to him tonight. Just calmly talk to him. I know I want to let him know that it hurt me that no matter what if she is his friend now that inviting someone over that you had a relationship with, had deep feelings for is wrong and not respectful at all. I mean I cant believe he thinks Im over reacting to saying I feel weird about it. I know they are friends but COME ON!!! If you invite an ex over you had a deep connection with and she is not bringing her man who she having issues with is not a good idea. I have no problem meeting her if we was over in his home town and going for lunch or something and knowing who she is first but I dont know her. I dont know if they will have that instant connection again. That spark when they talk in person, when they hug! All I know is I am telling him I dont feel comfortable with her coming out. Its not like I am asking my ex's to come hang at the house. Plus he works swing so he gets home late. So that would mean I would have to entertain someone I dont know.. someone who has slept with my bf. If he cant see the un comfortableness I will have then something is wrong with him.

[keith905]

So you've never met her? That makes it EVEN WORSE. It's one thing to invite an ex over for dinner but of course, the weekend is even stranger and more of a burden. Is he really that insensitive?

If you talk to him and he doesn't get defensive, then maybe he just made a mistake. But if he starts trying to blame you and make you out to be the bad person, then he has issues.

[deeblondie82]

Thanks Keith. I am going to talk to him tonight. He has told me that I have helped him get his feelings out but I will not keep how I feel inside no more its only hurting me in the long run. I will let him know how disrespectful it is to do that. I hope he realizes where I am coming from and know I am not trying to pick on him just let him know that is a dumb way to go about it