Forbidden love?

[mayafan]

hi guys,

i have a situation that is driving me absolutely insane....

I have a best friend,(lets call her Mary) whom i adore, we get along so well and we have been friends for 10 years. I have not been doing good in the dating and relationship department for a lone time now, i had a bad break up last year and i was not ready to date for a whole and when i was ready i just didn't meet the right guy. now Mary, recently introduced me to a guy friend of hers( let's call him john). not for me to date him, she just started hanging out with him more, and therefore i met him too. they are family friends apparently. from the moment i met this guy, we had this great connection. the tree of us hang out so much, and it is the best time.

John and i started texting and talking on the phone and Mary knew all about it and she was cool about it. one night i was suppose to see her but she got held up somewhere. i went out with some other friends meanwhile john and and were texting, he was with family. later he offered to pick me up and give me a ride home. i should tell you that the attraction was there from the firts moment we hung out, and i do not mean sexually at all, we just would talk for hours, laugh for hours, joke around, and this was all when the tree of us were together, we had never hung out just the two of us prior to that night. he picked me, it was still very early. up and i asked him to come upstairs so we could watch a move, we did that alot and i was so comfortable with him that it felt ok. we watched a movie, talked for hours, felt hungry and even cooked together, and it was one of the most amazing nights of my life. he is so sweet and amazing. before we knew it it was 8 in the morning, we were still up and talking and enjoying our time. he looked at me and said "wow, its officially the next day, and i don't want to leave you" and he kissed me. and we just could not stop. kissing and cuddling is as far as it got but felt amazingly great. we both agreed not to tell mary anything for now...... deep down i felt like we shouldn't for now.

i love Mary to death, i could never keep a secret or lie to her. and the next time i saw her. i told her i feel things for him. she said" don't".... and she started telling me that his ex is still around, he still sees her twice a week and cannot let go and on and on and on..... .she was over at my house tonight, and john joined us. when i opened the door for him, he kissed me cause she was in the living room. we hung out like usual, felt comfortable as usual....when he left, she said, he likes you, he is flirting..... but don't....... i said i cannot promise you. because i don't want to start something and have to hide it, and she did not look happy. it is not because she likes him... i know that is not the situation, she is just sure he will not be right for me. i am 27, i can tell the difference between right and wrong, and john respects and loves her enough, not to hurt her friend... that is what i think, but i am so messed up i don't know what to do, after the longest time, i felt happy with someone, totally protected..... he sent me a text when he left, joking around as usual. and i said i need to talk to you, he said call me, i said i cant im still not alone.... he said everything ok? and i did not have the heart to go on.... i don't wanna tell him i know about the ex..... that's not right.... but i dunno what to do.... someone help me

oh and i need to mention i know the ex. i know of so many guys who fell in love with her and she cheated on every single one of them and none of them could let her go for the longest time, and now i know a new victim, john.....

deep down i hope, what if i am different for him and he relly likes me and can let go of her ex, but then what if not?

[Superfantastich]

I say go for it, if he continues seeing her ask about it, it's all you can really do. He was in your friends eyes single when she said he was still seeing his ex, he is a single guy he can do whatever he wants.. but if you two become exclusive thats definately not cool. And for your friend I am sure she will change her tune if things work out.

[John Littlejohn]

Your friend has done her duty by warning you of what she perceives to be the dangers. You yourself have acknowledged those dangers and understand them well. You are now a fully informed person, and an adult human being. You're allowed to make your own decision about it and your friend should support you once you've made it, even if she thinks it was a poor choice. A poor choice for her might be a great choice for you.

What if he can't get over his ex? If he's not in love with you after some appropriate time dating, then you break up and move on. You should be emotionally prepared for that. You should ALWAYS be emotionally prepared for the possibility of breakup. There is ALWAYS that risk. If you want love, you have to take a risk. Always use an emotional condom and hope for the best, plan for the worst.

[Wakeup]

i don't wanna tell him i know about the ex..... that's not right.... but i dunno what to do.... someone help me

Why would you not want to talk to him about his ex? This is your emotional well being you're playing with here. You're already smitten with this guy and all you've done is kiss. Once you have sex you'll be gone. If you go to bed with him without knowing if he's still going to bed with his ex and not over her then you're going to be a rebound. (google "rebound relationship" and have a read about how awful that could be for You).

You're going to continue with this because you want it and it doesn't matter what anyone says so my suggestion is that you make sure you ask for exclusivity before you get bizzy with this guy. Your friend Mary knows him better than you do and she seems to be warning you. His ex may now be his fk buddy. I'd want to know that he will not be talking to her or hanging with her once you two are exclusive.

Don't forget to google "rebound relationship."

P.S.

If you want love, you have to take a risk.

Taking a risk and being irresponsible are two different things. IMO: OP would be being irresponsible with her own well being if she were NOT to discuss his ex with him prior to going to bed with him.

Watch out for YOU, Op.

[mayafan]

thank you all.... all of this helps me think better.

one other reaosn is I dont want to get invoilve when he actually might turn out to be a flake, and then have their relationshoip ruined ( mary and john). so the concern is not for me alone.....