GF on break..

[anon1234567]

My girlfriend and I have been together for a year and periodically we would have some arguement and get over it. Last night I was talking to her and she asked me if we needed a break. My jaw nearly dropped 'cause I was thinking nowhere near that. Being upset, she said it would be good for the relationship so we could "see if we really want this or appreciate what we have. I'm not leaving you completelty just gaining more space, maybe we could see how much we mean to each other and argue less if we take a break" Me still upset, I didn't want to talk about it yesterday (it was like 2am and i was tired too >.>) So i just told her we'll talk about this tommorow. I love her and I don't want her to walk away from me so I dunno what to do. Also, i'm seeing her today for our anniversary (2 days ago) being that we were both really busy that day. So the next day comes I take her out to eat and such, and eventually at the end she doesn't want to go through with it anymore.. so we're good i hope... I was wrong the next night she told me she wanted it. we chatted for a bit and we had a good conversation for a bit then she said out of the blue, "im not normal anymore.." Then I said "what do you mean" She said "iidk we're taking a break sorry goodnight love you!" I tried and tried to convince her again but she had her mind set.. she claimed she wouldn't leave me and that she loves me just needs space and time to think.. I tried to convince her again and she said It's not about you this time.. "I've tried helping other people out now it's time for me to focus on myself for a little bit. Love you goodnight". I don't know what to do.. I'm so scared I don't want us to break apart.. I feel like she really is the one.. Also, I don't know how long the break is and what exactly she is going to be doing.. =/
What do i do?

[HeartIsAching]

She's probably thinking that she's letting you down easy.

[Wakeup]

Also, I don't know how long the break is and what exactly she is going to be doing.. =/
What do i do?

You'd do best just to break up with her and start to get over her completely but, I know you won't do that so I'll suggest that you tell her what the rules of the "break" are like: No dating or going to bed with anyone else, That in two weeks you will reassess and either break up completely or, go off break and that this is the last time a "break" will be introduced because if you can't fix things within the relationship through open, honest communication, then the relationship won't last anyway.

Take back control of your own life and stop letting her run things ALL her way.. there is such a thing as compromise which gives you both something useful. Stop making her your whole world. While you're on this break re-acquaint yourself with your friends and do stuff with them, join a sport like baseball/soccer/summer hockey that doesn't include her, start a hobby that you've always wanted to do but haven't done yet. Anything to allow you a life outside of your gf. You make her you're entire life and you'll have a very hard time getting over her if she ever does break up with you for good.

[anon1234567]

You'd do best just to break up with her and start to get over her completely but, I know you won't do that so I'll suggest that you tell her what the rules of the "break" are like: No dating or going to bed with anyone else, That in two weeks you will reassess and either break up completely or, go off break and that this is the last time a "break" will be introduced because if you can't fix things within the relationship through open, honest communication, then the relationship won't last anyway.

How do i tell her this even though we're on a break right now..? Like I don't wanna push her away even more by telling her something..

[Wakeup]

If she wants a break then your relationship is basically finished anyway so don't be so afraid of looking after your own best interests. A relationship consists of two (or more) people and you both have to agree and if you can't then a compromise has to be reached. Don't be afraid of pushing someone away who is pushing you away. Give it a week or so and then call her (if she hasn't called you) and tell her lets work this out together through compromise or theres no way you're going to live in limbo like this. She'll appreciate your confidence. If she doesn't then do you really want to be her door mat who waits until she deems it's time for you to get together again or she decides she never wants to come back to you?

Get busy doing things for yourself so that you'll be a fun and interesting guy to know and you'll have learned to be happy as a single rather than rely on someone else to make you happy.

Good luck, I hope it works out for you. No matter which way it works out, work on being the best You that you can be. It will build your confidence and women are very attracted to confident men who appear like they have options.

[IncognitoSir]

A break = I'm going to go see if their is someone better than you which implies, that the relationship is not doing it for her anymore. Therefor, you have nothing to lose per say. She has left you already, although her mixed signals leave you with a breathe of hope, it's all just a distraction man. Like HIA said, she's trying to let you down easy. I'd begin to move on, which means, keeping busy, get out, and occupy yourself. Either way, you win. If you guys don't come back together, you've got a nice head start on the healing process and if you manage to come back together you won't be all depressed and acting needy and what not. This ensures you a win win situation my friend. Freight not.

[FeelingCalledL]

I agree with the rest. When a girl asks for a break she has either found already somebody else and wants to give it a go just to be sure or it is an emotional bullying. And I think in your case is the second. You made her your whole world as Wakeup says. She is used(you have trained her) to bullying you emotionally in order to get what she wants.

No matter what the case is my reply to "I need a break" is always goodbye, talk to me again when you know what you want, can't promise that I will still be available by then though.

[chrissy11]

I agree with the previous responses. Better to "break up" than go through "a break." She probably has already moved on or is interested in pursuing someone else. Let her go. She'll realized she lost someone good (you). By the time she realizes it, you'll already have moved on to better.

[anon1234567]

I sent her a text and told her hope everything is ok and that i love. she sent me a text saying love you too. Idk what to do, just leave it reply back? or...?

[Wakeup]

I sent her a text and told her hope everything is ok and that i love. she sent me a text saying love you too. Idk what to do, just leave it reply back? or...?

Well, easy to see that you didn't take any of the advice you've been given all saying the same thing.

Do what you want to do. At this point it's all up to her anyway. While you're deciding what to do (think about not responding back. Her response did not prompt you to reply back so leave it) get busy doing some things that will take your mind of her, her ambiguity, indicision, angst inducing behaviour and do something fun and exciting that includes your good male friends.

[MaidenMinx]

WakeUp is right in suggesting a time limit but only you can determine what it is.

How to tell her: "I respect your need for space and a break. I'd rather not go nuts trying to figure out what 'a break' could possibly mean so please consider these guide lines. Commitment to me even though we are on 'break' status. I do not consider this a free pass for you to test the waters with someone new. This would be a deal breaker for me. Also, we need a time limit on this, I am not going to wait forever. After (amount of time you're comfortable with) you can work on yourself with or without me. I won't spend forever in limbo" Of course you can soften it.

But you probably won't do this either. You'll let her string you along until she moves on. Then you will post here about how miserable you are without her and ask us what you did wrong. We will refer you back to this thread. Save yourself that humiliation and actually accept the advice offered.

(Wow. I'm a bit of a bitch today....)

[smackie9]

Relationships will come and go in your life....this one will end and the next and so on. If you have an on going cycle of fighting and crap that means you are not meant for each other...you just keep hanging on because you don't want to be alone. lets face it, you are not getting along....she has had enough, it's time to stop beating a dead horse over and over, move on and let her go.

[FeelingCalledL]

I sent her a text and told her hope everything is ok and that i love. she sent me a text saying love you too. Idk what to do, just leave it reply back? or...?

Understand one thing the more you tell her you love her the more likely you make it to not have her.

If you want her back ignore her. If you don't keep telling her you love her. Sent some flowers. Go under her window and sing a love song. Buy her presents.

[Poodle3]

If you want her back ignore her. If you don't keep telling her you love her. Sent some flowers. Go under her window and sing a love song. Buy her presents.

This is true. I performed Romeo and Juliet in the street outside my ex's house with about 100 roses. Made bugger all difference, cost me a fortune and got me some odd looks from the neighbours. You live and learn.