I want to move forward, my boyfriend is indecisive?

[HereComesTheSun]

Okay, so i have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years, we have had our ups and downs but we have both been trying hard to fix everything and we seem to be on our way.
One of my needs that i told him, was i needed to move out of my parents house. I have been broke, and renting the basement from my parents house. It is not working for me. We as a couple were supposed to and planned to move out last year but he completely went behind my back and moved out with his brother instead.. even when i had told him how important this was to me. That is when things went terribly wrong.

Now we are together and trying to make things work. One of the conditions i said that i would be willing to try this again, is that we moved out together. Otherwise i wanted a fresh start and to do it on my own. He said he was willing to do anything. I said i would wait for him to be ready financially and for a good place to come up.
Well today, i met someone who rents out really nice housing perfect for us. Extremely cheap and in good spots in town. I was so excited to tell him, as other places were too expensive for us and that was always the excuse.

Well, i told him about this man i met at work and that he had given me his card and took my number to call when the places become available. He said; "well we will see". For one, i was disapointed with his answer, i told him before i would be leaving if he wasnt ready soon. I had waited long enough for him and already been let down once. And then i proceeded to explain this would be the best deal we would probably ever come across, and he said, "well, it seems like you are more interested in meeting men asking for their number etc"
Like, wtf. It is excuse after excuse. This man was 80 years old, which i have explained and he said all i ever do is talk to men. lol I am trying to figure something out for us, and this is what he does. He knows how important it is to me, and he just completely blows it off.

I am stuck what to do. Am i being unreasonable? Should i leave if he continues to come up with excuses?
I dont know what i should.. Sorry it is long but i would LOVE some advice.

[mwahahaha]

tbf you shouldnt really give your number to strange men. Your bf has a point.
As for "well we ll see", we all know what that mean. Cut your losses here i think...

[Cerby]

Leave him, he isn't meeting your minimum needs for this relationship. 'nuff said.

[IncognitoSir]

Yeah, leave him now. You're not happy and haven't been for some time. Can't you see he does NOT want to live with you. Pack up and move by yourself. You 2 living together would be chaos anyways.

[Wakeup]

We as a couple were supposed to and planned to move out last year but he completely went behind my back and moved out with his brother instead.. even when i had told him how important this was to me. That is when things went terribly wrong.

And... that should have been when you realized that he did not want that kind of committment with you yet. That you were wanting what he did not.

"well, it seems like you are more interested in meeting men asking for their number etc"

Notice how he completely took the focus off the subject of moving in together? Great stall tactic.

He knows how important it is to me, and he just completely blows it off.

Notice how he doesn't care what you want?

I am stuck what to do. Am i being unreasonable? Should i leave if he continues to come up with excuses?
I dont know what i should.. Sorry it is long but i would LOVE some advice.

You could leave him right now or, you could tell him that you know that he's not ready to commit to a live in situation (because its obvious he's not) but you would like to know when, if ever he may be. Hopefully he'll tell you the truth and it won't be just stringing you along for as long as you'll let him. 2-1/2 years of dating isn't very long when you think that you would hopefully be together for the rest of your lives. Make sure you're going to live with someone that is right for you. I think that's what he might be doing.

[HereComesTheSun]

Thanks guys i needed those honest answers. I know he is just stalling time with his silly excuses.. I knew that a while back and i should have trusted my instincts on this one.. But he kept telling me he did want to move out. He tells me all the time that he is so sick of living with his brother and says he cant wait to share a home with me. That its what we are ready for and even goes into explaining his thoughts about it, how nice it will be etc.

But when it actually gets down to it, he says we can look into it, check it out or just 'we will see'. I spoke to him about it again after i posted this.. and he says he is definitely interested in and asked a few questions and such.
I said to him that if he isnt ready when this oppurtunity arises, that i will be leaving and finding another roommate. I will be speaking about this to him in person and watching his reaction carefully. Because to be honest i am so done with this if he isnt ready.. I feel like i am wasting time.
He just confuses me with what he says you know? And then he tries to say i am rushing him into things, when i dont feel i really am. I am looking out for myself and what I need to do for me. That might be selfish but i waited all that time last time and look where that got me right..

Plus, the reason why he moved out last time behind my back was because of a stupid night. It was my friends birthday in which we celebrated at her house with her family and friends. We drank, it was fun. But her boyfriend and his friends were there also. I stayed until the early hours of the morning, and there was a particular guy he didnt like there (i used to have a crush on him when i was younger.. and now he is a forbidden friend, even though i have never gone further than talking to him). I didnt tell him he was there, just more to save arguments and to be actually allowed to go to my friends party without trouble. When he asked the next day if he was there, i told him he was, and he said i had lied.
I understand that i should have mentioned it in the first place, but he had nothing to worry about and i hadnt even really spoken to guy the anyway. But he was extremely upset about it, i felt really bad, but i felt like he was over reacting so i acted stubborn about it.. The next time i spoke to him in the next few days, he had moved in with his brother already.
He knew all the time back then we were right together and that i was the one he wanted to be with and move in with. We were definitely ready.. It just seems he is lazy also and kind of waits for things to jump out at him to happen rather than get up and get it.. If that makes sense..

Just talking about it, p*sses me off. lol I just felt like adding that bit of information, in case that changes anything..
He said he regretted it, and acted stupidly before knowing details and apologised. But ever since, i have been waiting.. And i just feel enough is enough.
Should i just carry on with my plans moving out and make sure he knows he is invited to join me, then just see if he does or not? If he doesnt, then i will be leaving.

[HereComesTheSun]

There's nothing wrong with him not wanting to move in with you after 2.5 years. I think you were probably really demanding and gave him some kind of ultimatum to force him out of his comfort zone. Don't do that.

Why are you broke? Do you have a job? Are you saving up some money? Why should he have to bail you out of your parents' basement? If you really want to have a relationship with him, you'll have to stop putting so much pressure on him. Be a little self-reliant.

You know, you are right,thats why i came here to ask what you all thought.
Thats what i felt like at first, i work full time and am saving. Im not completely broke, but am not swimming in money either. At first, it was him that mentioned it was time to move out together, which is why i stupidly dropped my plans i had made to move out with my sister and she understood and moved in with her girlfriend. So when this happened, him moving out with his brother and all that, we had places lined up to go see etc.. I felt like he dropped me on my ass which i felt was unfair. Moving out by myself would be extremely hard. I live in a tourist town and it is expensive to live, i am a mother may i add.
I want to add, i am NOT asking him to bail me out of my parents basement. I can do it myself just fine, He asked me to WAIT for him, so we could do it together when he was ready financially. Which i have been doing, very patiently. Until today obviously.
I am self reliant, i am not putting pressure on him to help me so much, i am asking him to make his decision, so i know whether to go ahead and do it by myself, or with him if he wants to. Which he is telling me he wants to, but taking his sweet time.

Just for example, a few months back my friend asked if i needed a room mate, with a lot of hope lost that he was going to end up moving with me, i said sure. When i told him, we were looking at places to rent, he got extremely upset. Asked why the f*ck i was making plans with other people when that was our plan. Thats whats confusing me.

[ctr916]

I think you are being reasonable; but I also think he may have a valid reason to not want to move in with you. Why do you believe he may have commitment phobia moving in with you? Maybe you get some of your girl friends with higher sex drives to use him for sex until he wants a more serious relationship with you.

[Mathias]

The part that struck me was that she can't afford to move out on her own, so she wants to move in with him. That would make me stall a whole hell of a lot as well.

I wouldn't be an insecure knob about it, but hey, to each their own.

[MerryH]

Should i just carry on with my plans moving out and make sure he knows he is invited to join me, then just see if he does or not? If he doesnt, then i will be leaving.

Yes. Do this.

I bet he loves keeping you hanging. He didn't like it that you found this place on your own. He's like that, huh, he doesn't like you making decisions or suggesting things.

[HereComesTheSun]

The part that struck me was that she can't afford to move out on her own, so she wants to move in with him. That would make me stall a whole hell of a lot as well.

I wouldn't be an insecure knob about it, but hey, to each their own.

I never said i cannot afford to move out on my own.. I could, it would be a lot easier with a roomate, after him telling me and planning to move out with me, this is what i thought was going to happen. I dont think you read the whole thing properly. But thanks for the input.
And yes MerryH i am going to move out and see if he wants to come with. I am just so sick of this..Thankyou all.

[ctr916]

So, just out of curiosity, how hard is it really for a chick to find another short term relationship versus a guy who is without a petty cash fund for that purpose?

It seems to me, that women should have less entitlement to complain, if they can get used for sex until they clamor for a relationship easier than men.