My Girlfriends New Guy Friend

[krazed]

So, my girlfriend of four years has a new guy friend. I completely trust my girlfriend, however i know this guy wants her. He has openly admitted his feelings for her, even after she told him she has a bf that she is madly in love with, well thats what she said. They have been friends for only 2 weeks now, they talk everyday, and she has already gone out with him once. And is planning to go out with him again.

Now i know this guy is playing the friend game to get into her pants, she told me he says he respects her relationship with me.... but he really loves her company... N i'd say the same thing if i was in his shoes.... she is totally naive... and really thinks that this guy is already over her.

As a matter a fact i met the guy yesterday, he waited on her for 2 hours so he could see her after work. Then when i came to meet up with her he stayed with us in an awkward silence for a next 30 mins. he finally left, and then 30 mins after he called her to tell her, he is waiting for her to accompany her home... her house is on the way to his.... i know i aint reading too much into this... and my girl is too naive to realize that this guy doesnt care whether or not she has a bf...

[lahnnabell]

Anyone who says they trust their SO, but not the other guy/girl is lying to themselves. If you completely trusted her (as you say you do) then you wouldn't have any reason to worry unless you think this guy is going to rape her.

Either way, the situation is still inappropriate. I also think your GF is lying to herself about why she lets this guy hang around. She's probably doing it because she likes the extra attention. Let's be honest, after 4 years of being with the same person, people get bored and tend to have a need to stir up some drama (even passively like she is doing).

You're kind of in a tough spot. I mean, if you have a talk with this guy it's just going to reflect badly onto you and your GF will get upset, no doubt. And if you talk to your GF, she's just going to get upset because you don't trust her. I'd say that this girl isn't worth your time or trouble if she can't establish proper boundaries with her male friends.

[lahnnabell]

Has she ever been this stupid and naive during your 4 year relationship?

Dopp, stop being such a pissant. How is what you've asked supposed to lead toward constructive advice?

[lahnnabell]

There really isn't much "constructive advice" that can be given here. Look at your post; you basically wrote "wow, that's a toughy, might as well just give up."

I am probing for more information.

By being a douche though. Don't have to insult the guy's GF to get more info. And so if she has a history of naievity it automatically becomes all his fault for putting up with it for so long? She can still be held accountable for having sketchy convictions.

[lahnnabell]

Her behavior is stupid and naive. I'm not making that up.

*le sigh* Yeah... That's true.

[Agent85]

Well, bro. Let me tell ya. Its all a game. I mean, every guy who is dating a woman as that same problem that your having from time to time. What do you expect? If she is really attractive, I would expect this sort of thing to happen. If you trust her and she trust you then there shouldn't be a problem. She just wants to experience interaction with different men. C'mon, she has been with you for 4 years. What do you expect? Her not get curious of whats out there in the world? She wants to know whats she is missing. I believe this is normal to have this kind of curiosity. Let her, have her fun. If you play your cards right, this will help your relationship with her. Just take it easy. You are being tested right now, and its up to you to pass and react accordingly. That being said, if something happens, it happens. You know where you stand then, and she is not worth your time anymore. Good Luck.

[lahnnabell]

Agent makes a good point. We view our partner's transgressions as reflections of something we did wrong too often. Sometimes people just make poor decisions because they're ignorant or stupid or careless. Either way, don't see it as a reflection of whether or not you're a good or bad boyfriend. After some reflection, if you do think that you've been a lazy boyfriend, perhaps this will teach you to never undervalue or take a person for granted again.

She is gonna do what she's gonna do.

[Agent85]

Agent makes a good point. We view our partner's transgressions as reflections of something we did wrong too often. Sometimes people just make poor decisions because they're ignorant or stupid or careless. Either way, don't see it as a reflection of whether or not you're a good or bad boyfriend. After some reflection, if you do think that you've been a lazy boyfriend, perhaps this will teach you to never undervalue or take a person for granted again.

She is gonna do what she's gonna do.

Yeap, that's pretty much it. Thanks for the translation, lahnnabell. As you said, she is gonna do what she's gonna do.

[krazed]

Well, bro. Let me tell ya. Its all a game. I mean, every guy who is dating a woman as that same problem that your having from time to time. What do you expect? If she is really attractive, I would expect this sort of thing to happen. If you trust her and she trust you then there shouldn't be a problem. She just wants to experience interaction with different men. C'mon, she has been with you for 4 years. What do you expect? Her not get curious of whats out there in the world? She wants to know whats she is missing. I believe this is normal to have this kind of curiosity. Let her, have her fun. If you play your cards right, this will help your relationship with her. Just take it easy. You are being tested right now, and its up to you to pass and react accordingly. That being said, if something happens, it happens. You know where you stand then, and she is not worth your time anymore. Good Luck.

I agree with you and that was the choice I had made, to just let her do her thing and not make a big issue out of it. However it is getting worse, I mean, I meet her after work and the guy decided that he was gonna stay with us while we chat because he just needed to accompany her home. Usually when I meet her after work and I see her chatting with her guy friends, I would greet them both, and she would just tell the person later or sumin, then we would be on our way... This dude literally sat with us for up to 30mins and she didnt even bother to tell him that he could go.... I had to put my girl on a taxi with the guy...

And chatting to her whether online or on the phone has become even more difficult.... The guy calls everyday, sometimes 3 - 4 times per day and when they finish talking on the phone they start to IM....

I can tell you i totally agree with wat u both are saying but there must be a line to how much I should put up with.....

[mwahahaha]

Nip this shite in the bud dude. Waiting for her at work? wtf

Heres what you do.. Wait outside this bawbags work and tell him to leave off your bird otherwise you will tear hm a new asshole. As for your bird, well , lets just say give them an inch and they take a mile. Stop this bullshit before this ends with you sitting on your own, tadger in hand, wondering where it all went wrong, good luck

[lahnnabell]

Nip this shite in the bud dude. Waiting for her at work? wtf

Heres what you do.. Wait outside this bawbags work and tell him to leave off your bird otherwise you will tear hm a new asshole. As for your bird, well , lets just say give them an inch and they take a mile. Stop this bullshit before this ends with you sitting on your own, tadger in hand, wondering where it all went wrong, good luck

10 to 1 his GF gets pissed when she finds out he threatened her friend. And you know this "friend" of hers is gonna victimize himself.

[krazed]

Bro, I have thought bout that already, but I been with her from 2007, this dude has just come to know her... I dont think I should just mek it end without even making an effort to curve her naivety....

[krazed]

10 to 1 his GF gets pissed when she finds out he threatened her friend. And you know this "friend" of hers is gonna victimize himself.

Dont worry I aint gonna do that.... I guess i'll just give it some time... If i dont see a change in her efforts to try and be more understanding with my issues with her friendship with him... I guess i will have to let her go, and do her thing... It's quite obvious she likes the attention, and there must be sumin with this guy for her to be willing to jeopardize her relationship with me....

And Iahnnabell u make some vaild points but put urself in my situation, were ur bf is doing all these things I have mentioned.....

[lahnnabell]

Dont worry I aint gonna do that.... I guess i'll just give it some time... If i dont see a change in her efforts to try and be more understanding with my issues with her friendship with him... I guess i will have to let her go, and do her thing... It's quite obvious she likes the attention, and there must be sumin with this guy for her to be willing to jeopardize her relationship with me....

And Iahnnabell u make some vaild points but put urself in my situation, were ur bf is doing all these things I have mentioned.....

I totally get you. I'd be flipping out. I'd attempt to have a discussion first, laying out my concerns. From there, I'd see where his priorities rested, by letting him make a decision on his own. At this point, I've had enough experience to know I do not need to put up with BS. If I felt that I was no longer no. 1, I'd leave. A few years ago I wouldn't have been strong enough to make such a decision.

[krazed]

and i have done all of that, and the decision she made was the wrong one in my eyes, he asked her to go to a party... She had already gone to one with him last week, and he asked her to go to two others next week. she did tell me about the parties, and she stated that the she was thinking about it... so i already knew she wanted to go.... The party days are days when we normally hang out... last weeks party was the same she dropped me to go out and hang with this guy at the last minute.

Now I for one wouldve asked her to come with me to any party I was invited to, which i have done and she denied... all the time, and i cant tell u more this guy likes her.... He has said it to her so many times.... I dont trust him... I have had some friends that have done some terrible things to women, so i know wat some guys are capable of.... and I worry for her being in a situation were she wont be able to help herself.....