The foreplay thread

[bulrush]

This is the thread about foreplay, specifically about foreplay for women, and women having sexual troubles getting turned on.

One thought is, foreplay for many women (not all) begins outside the bedroom, perhaps while at dinner or a movie. While at a movie I like to hold my date's hand, maybe lightly touch the top of her hand, or the inside of her arm. Then maybe move to lightly stroking the top of her thigh, eventually moving to the inside of the thigh. Or simply running my hands along the back of her neck or in her hair. All light touches.

So let's talk about foreplay. What do you women like? Let's look for patterns and ideas for the men to use. I think if someone just told men what women like, the world would be a better place. Don't you think?

[lahnnabell]

Agreed. For me, I think the more sensual an experience like dinner is the better. I love indulging in red meat and wine. Food is definitely an aphrodisiac for me. I love to taste and experience food. If a guy were to make me a sexy dinner, that'd be a great start. Gotta have dessert. Some sort of decadent chocolate. That whole dinner experience would already have me thinking about sex. Add to that a layer of light touching against the back of my neck, shoulders, inner elbow.

I also think men need to learn how to touch women. Even my boyfriend can be too rough with me and I have to remind him to slow down.

[bulrush]

Yep, and before our first date, my date told me she likes ALL her senses stimulated. So I was sure to wear cologne, go to a cozy restaurant with good food, and touch her arm, wink at her, and we talked and talked during dinner. If she hadn't told me that was important to her, I never would have known. So, communication is important.

Women, if you tell your man what you like, you will probably get it, if he's a good guy. It's that simple. So don't be shy. And if you women are submissive (meaning you never make the first move for a kiss, etc), TELL the guy that! 2 girls that I dated told me that early on, I noted that, and we all had a great time. No one went home frustrated.

[lahnnabell]

I give her major points for taking control and voicing her likes. Most women would set the guy up for failure by assuming he should know what she wanted, then chastising him when he failed to guess correctly. I also applaud you for understanding what that meant. I would have to explain every detail to my boyfriend... Which is a little frustrating as it takes away some of the desired mystery and intrigue. He is learning though. He's beginning to remember how I like to be massaged.

[Jolicoeur]

Hey bulrush, thanks for setting up the tread. You beat me to it.

As I told lahnnabell in another tread, I am kind of surprised the 'preparation' needs to come so soon. You see, I always figured women think men spend too much time thinking about sex. So If we have to start psyching our girl up hours before the main act, is that not confirming our obsession? Not that I mind helping create the right mood. Just tell me how to do it right.

Note: I do not constantly think about sex. That's an urban legend.

[lahnnabell]

Hey bulrush, thanks for setting up the tread. You beat me to it.

As I told lahnnabell in another tread, I am kind of surprised the 'preparation' needs to come so soon. You see, I always figured women think men spend too much time thinking about sex. So If we have to start psyching our girl up hours before the main act, is that not confirming our obsession? Not that I mind helping create the right mood. Just tell me how to do it right.

Note: I do not constantly think about sex. That's an urban legend.

Women think about sex just as much as men do. BUT women who talk about sex are given a double standard. In society, good, honest women don't talk about things like sex. I meet men who are very disheartened by a woman who knows more about sex than they do. Instead of learning from her, they tend to get frustrated when every trick fails. Women are not carbon copies of one another and each woman is a lesson in her own right.

Men also need to learn about something called discretion. You should never be trying these tricks with a woman on a first date. Well, you can, but most guys never care to put in so much effort on a first date, second, or even third date. Guys tend to stereotypically "play it safe" until they're sure they've reeled her in enough. What men fail to realize is that you can have a fulfilling sexy relationship if you take the right steps. Learn to cook a meal. Know how to open a bottle of wine without looking like an idiot. Know what kind of wine she likes. Show her your gun collection (watching a guy shoot a gun is suuuuch a turn on for me). Women like exciting manly hobbies that show how manly you are. It makes her feel like a red-blooded woman. All of that is foreplay. BUT it won't always immediately lead to sex and you have to be okay with that. The idea is to build tension and the more patience the better. Discretion is also about knowing how to strike when iron is hot.

Let's say I was in the kitchen making lunch. My BF comes home from the shooting range. He has his holster on when he comes up behind me. I can feel it press into my back as he whispers what he wants to do to me in my ear. You bet I would be screwing him on the kitchen table after that.

[Jolicoeur]

Women think about sex just as much as men do.

I seriously doubt that. Then again, I've never been a woman, so what do I know.

BUT women who talk about sex are given a double standard.

That I agree with, unfortunately.

Men also need to learn about something called discretion. You should never be trying these tricks with a woman on a first date. Well, you can, but most guys never care to put in so much effort on a first date, second, or even third date. Guys tend to stereotypically "play it safe" until they're sure they've reeled her in enough.

I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I need to have read the manual before I unboxed the goods. And not only is the manual burried on the bottom of the box, it is translated from Japanese to Polish by an Italian who speaks neither. All women are different, but most expect us to know how to handle them, as if we could read their minds. As to "play it safe", how many times have I not upset things by taking a risk and make a mistake. I don't even know what playing it safe means. (Sorry for the melodrama. I'm in love with someone I feel I will never win over, and I'm scared colorless to make a mistake).

Let's say I was in the kitchen making lunch. My BF comes home from the shooting range. He has his holster on when he comes up behind me. I can feel it press into my back as he whispers what he wants to do to me in my ear. You bet I would be screwing him on the kitchen table after that.

Yes, well, in my parts guns are very restricted. Owning one is bad enough, but wearing one in a holster would freak out most girls.

Could you talk about the basics? Is it enough to talk dirty? Are there some things to say and things to avoid? Is there a way to suggest it without sounding pushy or needy? Something that could be said on a first date, when both of us are a bit nervous? Not that I want to have sex on a first date, but if she goes home with a sexual fantasy about me, I'd say it was a pretty succesful date.

[steviej]

. I can feel it press into my back as he whispers what he wants to do to me in my ear.

Would you not be at risk of a perforated ear drum?! You might get cum on your brain!

[HeartIsAching]

Note: I do not constantly think about sex. That's an urban legend.

Don't go generalizing.

[HeartIsAching]

Let's say I was in the kitchen making lunch. My BF comes home from the shooting range. He has his holster on when he comes up behind me. I can feel it press into my back as he whispers what he wants to do to me in my ear. You bet I would be screwing him on the kitchen table after that.

LOL, we call that "Washing the dishes."

[HeartIsAching]

I seriously doubt that. Then again, I've never been a woman, so what do I know.

That I agree with, unfortunately.



I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I need to have read the manual before I unboxed the goods. And not only is the manual burried on the bottom of the box, it is translated from Japanese to Polish by an Italian who speaks neither. All women are different, but most expect us to know how to handle them, as if we could read their minds. As to "play it safe", how many times have I not upset things by taking a risk and make a mistake. I don't even know what playing it safe means. (Sorry for the melodrama. I'm in love with someone I feel I will never win over, and I'm scared colorless to make a mistake).

Yes, well, in my parts guns are very restricted. Owning one is bad enough, but wearing one in a holster would freak out most girls.

Could you talk about the basics? Is it enough to talk dirty? Are there some things to say and things to avoid? Is there a way to suggest it without sounding pushy or needy? Something that could be said on a first date, when both of us are a bit nervous? Not that I want to have sex on a first date, but if she goes home with a sexual fantasy about me, I'd say it was a pretty succesful date.

It depends on the girl/woman. My wife is a very earthy woman, and likes innuendo, both subtle and direct. If I say "I'm gonna boink your brains out in a little while" she grins and says "Goodie!" and starts thinking about it.

other women, maybe not so much. It works for my wife and I, but what works for you and another woman is up to you two. It's hard for some people to talk about it, and sometimes they haven't analyzed their own feelings on the subject, but your best bet is to try and have honest and clear communications about it. Find out from HER what gets her going. If it's flowers, then call a friggin' florist. If it's an innuendo during dinner, work on ways to do that. If it's bold and brassy, do it. Whatever works, the important part is communication.

[pisces25]

I was extremely attracted to my ex, not just physically but overall, and I found this to be the best way for me to be constantly in the mood. We had a very strong emotional connection and a lot of trust and intimacy which for me turns me on way more than anything physical. He would have to just lightly breathe on my neck or whisper something sexy in my ear and my whole body would have instant goosebumps.

[lahnnabell]

I was extremely attracted to my ex, not just physically but overall, and I found this to be the best way for me to be constantly in the mood. We had a very strong emotional connection and a lot of trust and intimacy which for me turns me on way more than anything physical. He would have to just lightly breathe on my neck or whisper something sexy in my ear and my whole body would have instant goosebumps.

I felt the same towards my ex. What sucked was he never felt the same way (well, in the very beginning he did, before all his insecurities came pouring out). I always wondered if it was me, but he would always lovingly reassure me that it was just the way he is. I was halfway to running around 24/7 in panties and a pair of stilettos just to get his attention sometimes! He only got really frisky if his inhibitions were lowered enough after a few drinks, otherwise he was pretty uptight about sex (pretty uptight in comparison to me anyway). It always felt like being intimate had to be this big production instead of a fun, carefree way to appreciate each other. Getting turned down got old really fast and then got depressing and upsetting. He's the only guy I met that didn't have a libido to match my own.

[pisces25]

I felt the same towards my ex. What sucked was he never felt the same way (well, in the very beginning he did, before all his insecurities came pouring out). I always wondered if it was me, but he would always lovingly reassure me that it was just the way he is. I was halfway to running around 24/7 in panties and a pair of stilettos just to get his attention sometimes! He only got really frisky if his inhibitions were lowered enough after a few drinks, otherwise he was pretty uptight about sex (pretty uptight in comparison to me anyway). It always felt like being intimate had to be this big production instead of a fun, carefree way to appreciate each other. Getting turned down got old really fast and then got depressing and upsetting. He's the only guy I met that didn't have a libido to match my own.

My ex didn't feel the same about me either LB. Despite our strong emotional bond he didnt like the look of me. I only 'moderately' turned him on (ouch!). Needless to say the relationship ended.

[Jolicoeur]

I felt the same towards my ex. What sucked was he never felt the same way

My ex didn't feel the same about me either LB.

There is always someone who loves more than the other, and who also suffers the most.