I Need Advice, I Feel Soooo Guilty.

[IFeelGuilty]

Okay, I need to get opinions and advice from people if you don't mind. I was in a relationship back in January that ended on good terms and we have stayed good friends since then. Well recently I met another girl who I really like with a daughter that is adorable, I really like this girl and want good things to come of it, but I have a huge problem that just happend tonight and I feel so guilty. I have only been dating this girl for about a month and a half and I am very close to her and her daughter, but me and my ex have stayed good friends since the breakup and I see her from time to time since shes a friend of the family and i'll hug her goodnight and kiss her on the cheek, yes I still love her but I also really like my girlfriend. But it has never gone past that till tonight, my curent gf knows the situation with the ex and she knows me and her still have feelings for eachother but i control any urges around the ex. And my gf has said if I ever cheat on her its over.

Well tonight I feel so bad and guilty and want to die, because i walked the EX out to her car, and she went to kiss me and I didnt stop her, I ended up making out with my ex in my parking lot, and almost getting sexual with her in terms of my hand in her pants, but I stopped myself before it went beyond a heavy make-out session. I feel so bad/guilty right now, because I do love my ex, but my emotions are strong for my GF and her daughter, but I just couldnt control myself when my ex made a move and for this I feel so guilty. I don't want the relationship between me and my gf to end because of how much I do care about her, and I have told my ex, I can no longer see her in person anymore, tonight was a mistake and I feel so guilty. I really like my gf, and I know she'd be devastated and we'd break up if she found out and I just cant see myself telling her what happend.

I don't know what to do, i'm so lost and ashamed of myself for this, and don't understand how I could of done such a thing behind my gf back with my ex no less, what should I do here? I need advice and help, I am so torn and want to cry because of what I did, I have always told myself i'm not a cheater and would never do that to a woman, but I did tonight, omg I feel like hell....help? What should I do?

[Cinnabella]

You better cut the friendship with the ex- if you are sure that you are bettter off without her. You can't mess people around like that.

With the new girl, are you sure that you love her or it's just new thing and the excitement of someone new? You must Choose one, then cut contact with the other one, or else you are Cheating. You R cheating right now. Stop it.

[steviej]

How i see it personally - as the person above says, you choose one of them. If it's your girlfriend then you cut the ex out. You live with your guilt as a punishment and reminder for what you did and it'll help to remind you never to go there again.

Honestly, i don't think you'll cut your ex out. It sounds like she's too involved in your life and you enjoy the flirting with her. You aren't over her and it's unfair to be involved with your current gf whilst still holding such strong feelings for your ex.
How would you feel if the situation was reversed?

[IFeelGuilty]

I do feel horrible for what happened, and I want to more than try to cut the ex out of my life, I don't want to say so early into my new relationship that I love this new girl as I haven't known her long but she is a great girl and treats me good and her daughter is adorable, yes I still love my ex, but we initially broke up in the first place because she didn't want a serious relationship and thats why I found a new relationship because I knew it was over between us as a couple. "we broke up in January, and we stayed close intimate friends all the way through June when I met this new girl, I was single and I couldn;t deal with the intimacy without a relationship with her so I got to know my current gf and just really really liked her and as of like late June have been in a relationship with her"

I of course still do love my ex, but I really have strong feelings for my gf, and this is why I feel so much guilt because I do really like my gf, and feel so bad i let myself go as far as I did, I always told myself I was better than that, but I let it happen. Even tho I still love my ex, I am ready to move on from her, she may love me too, but the new gf means alot to me. Me and the ex talked and I did tell her that I regret what I did last night and I just cannot have her over anymore, even tho I do love her I couldn't let it happen again, and i'm not going to let it happen, I just have so much guilt because I let myself go this far.

[bulrush]

Since you didn't give your age I can only assume you are in your 20s, and have a higher sex drive, and thus are prone to temptation. If you cannot control yourself (which you illustrated with your ex) then you are not allowed to be committed to your current gf. Until you mature and learn to be committed to one person, you cannot have a commitment. And you must tell the women that you want to date others at the same time as them, then let the girl decide if she is ok with you seeing other people.

As far as telling your gf what happened, you should tell her. You made one mistake, you can repent for it by being honest now, and letting her decide how to proceed. If she breaks up with you, then you have learned that commitment is important to women. At least you should learn that if you play around, you can lose your girlfriend. If you still want to "play the field" just be honest with the girls you date about that. Stop telling them things you cannot deliver. Be realistic with yourself also.

OTOH, if you want to "play the field" you might consider unmarried women in their late 30's or early 40s. They are at their peak of their sex drive, very hungry, their personality is well-developed, they are very mature and have a well-developed sense of self, and are very secure and self-confident. They would love to play with a young guy, but are too shy to ask you, assuming you would not like someone much older than yourself. Personally, they just rock my world.

[IFeelGuilty]

I am 23, my ex was 19. My new GF is 22 with a wonderful daughter, this is the first time ever in any relationship I ever had urges to do something with my ex, I have never done anything of the sort to any other women as I have not ever been tempted. I am not a wild party guy and I am more than ready to commit and settle down with a woman I don't want to "play the field", I am not like that I don't need sex in a relationship, just love, and the temptation was just there because I still do love her, but I am more than ready to move on. I knew it was a mistake after the fact and felt heavy hearted going along with it but I did, and thats why I feel so guilty is because i know I love my ex but i'm more than ready to give her up for a girl who I really like who has a child and also wants to settle down, I want to settle down, not be a wildboy.

[guest1111]

Stop being a pussy and bang both of them on the regular

[Andariel]

First of all, you need to be honest with youself about your feelings for your ex. Is it love you feel for her or is it just a case of not having had proper closure after the break up?Maybe it is just that you have never had enough space from her since the break up so that you can completely disassociate yourself from her and this is why you think you still love her, when in fact you are over this but just keep getting confused because of the regular contact you have been having with her. If you believe you are over her and feel ready to be in a committed relationship with someone else you HAVE to cut off all contact with her (and yes, that also includes calling her, messaging her, chatting with her on FB, ignoring her messages and calls etc). If you want your new relationship to work you have to do this. If you are not over her then you need to have a discussion withyour ex to find out how she feels about you too and then decide whether you want to be together.

If you do feel that you are ready to move on and to stop all contact with your ex, and if you are genuinely sorry about what happened and are indeed certain you won't cheat again then you have two options: a) Not to tell your girlfriend what happened. Honesty is really important but I can tell you now that if you tell her what you did, she will never look at you the same way again.Even if she does forgive you, she won't be able to trust you again easily no matter how many times you swear it is never going to happen again.You would have to work really hard on gaining her trust again. You would get your guilt off your chest and cause her a whole lot of pain in return.You will have to live with the guilt of what you did and work on becoming a stronger person. Of course there is always the chance that she might find out from someone else and that would be even worse. b) You tell her gf. In this case, she may leave you (and she has every reason to after what happened) or she may decide that what happened was just a mistake and you genuinely regret it and have no intention of doing it again. You would of course have to discuss how to go about certain things from that point on in order to rebuilt trust (ie. she may call you frequently to check up on you, she may want to know who is texting you etc).

What you did was wrong and you have to make up your mind and decide what you truly want. Don't play with your gf's feelings. Just put yourself in her shoes and think about how you would feel in her place...

[bulrush]

I was going to say date them both, but your new gf was clear in that she doesn't share. Your ex also sounds confused. Does she just want a fling with no strings? Does she want FWB? Is that why she broke up with you? Does she want to date you and other people? Which means sleeping with them? I'm fine with people exploring things with other people, but she needs to be honest with you about what she wants, and she needs to stop playing head games.

[Mona_B]

I think as long as you are still in love with your ex you are not ready for someone new. Even if you care a lot for your new gf. You need to sort out your feelings and detach yourself from you ex first before you jump into a new relationship. What happened is only the result of your confused feelings. If you can, you should take a week and neither contact your ex or your gf, just take the time to think.