--Help-- !

[Limefan]

Hey all
Ive been dating my boyfriend for 5 months. Hes 27 and i'm 24. Hes had many girlfriends before but only one girl hes been in love with, they broke up when he was 20 I think. He told me he just didnt want to settle down with her, he gave her an ultimatum and she didnt chose him (between him and her ex who had just turned into a good friend).
Over the last 2 months hes been saying quite heavy things to me, that hes really into me, i'm the first girl he's wanted children with, that im the love of his life and if I left him i'd be 'the one that got away'.. etc etc. I had insecurities about his 'main' ex a few weeks back wondering if hes so cold with me because he feels something for her still, he reassured me that he feels more for me in 5 months than he did for her in the year and a half they were together. I believed him.

We were having a discussion about things the other night and his ex cropped up, I asked if he's been honest about her and he said he hadnt. He was actually madly in love with her, she was a lovely person and didnt do things I do that annoy him (answer back, get moody or insecure), he said it took him years to get over her, and what hurt me most- "he felt more for her than he does for me in our relationship"... I dont really know what I should do with the information. He says he still meant how he felt about me and still wants to settle down kids etc... but yet he's felt stronger for someone else previous, surely i'd be a 'settling' option?

I've always heard you should settle with the one you like and not love in order to not be hurt, I fear maybe im that 'like' option /-:

The working of our relationship in general is something that's new to me.
I get insecure about things and will want to talk with him, he gets angry/ frustrated with me if I worry and the conversation usually results in him dumping me and hanging up. If HE worries about something to do with me (usually with male friends I have) i'd never get angry with him for worrying, I reassure him and try my best to ease his fears. But the other way around I find it difficult communicating my feelings & fears to him without having to apologise for it afterwards. The best way I can describe is he seems quite emotionally controlling.
For example im still trying to process what he told me about how he feels with his ex vs me, I feel ive been led on slightly as hes been telling me the opposite to the truth for so long, so I told him that I dont believe hes in love with me, I rationally explain why, he gets angry and offended I say that, talks to me like a piece of shit for not believing him, then texts me saying "you need to take back everything you said about me not loving you" but doesnt understand WHY I dont believe it or trust him at the moment.
My last relationship was very different, my ex boyfriend was very much in love with me and would do anything for me. If I was ever feeling down he was there for me and never got angry with me about it. During disagreements my current boyfriend will agrue back, dump me, sometimes call me names. I'm not used to being treated like that, my last partner would never do or say anything to intentionally hurt me and my Dad would never be like that towards my mother. I believe IF your in love you dont just click out of it when your partners worried or if your having a disagreement.

Theres obviously two sides to every story, but this is my side.

Any advice?! Thanks! x

[elleda]

youre 24 and can do better, obviously. dump him! let the memories of his ex keep him warm at night lol

[Limefan]

Is it right that he feels that and regards his ex in higher feeling to me despite what hes been telling me, having kids etc???
He says hes bound to have felt more for her as he was with her for a year and a half and they were 'pretty much there' together and in time he'll feel more for me. But its not THAT much of a gap to 5 months. Its not exactly 10 years is what I mean. I was with my ex for 2 years and I felt closer to my current boyfriend than my ex.

[TheTooya]

Dump him, you can do better...

The fact that he said he cares for his ex more than you should raise red flags. The red flag of he would leave you in an instant if his ex wanted to go back to him...

It makes sense for him to get offended by telling him he doesn't love you... thats a pretty natural reaction I would have... but he sounds overall like a douche.

You deserve better in your life. There will be other men that want children,