Is it too late? What should I do??

[seasaltalmond]

Hey everyone,

I'm new to the forums. I've been looking through to try to see if there's an issue similar to mine, but no luck so far. So I'm writing it out in the hopes that someone can help

So I've liked the same guy for two years now. He's a really smart and funny guy. We were never really in a relationship. We both crushed on one another in undergrad and once school was out and we were both traveling, we began talking a lot on the phone and on chat.It was never very consistent; just a friendly on and off flirtation.

Then about a year ago we started umm..."sexting." He actually initiated it. I was kinda hesitant but I actually got into it. I'm a virgin so I'm not sexually experienced, but of course I get horny sometime..haha. We started phone sexing and skype sexing and all kinds of things. I'm not sure if I'd call us friends with benefits, because we never actually had sex.

It was fun and everything, but it's not what I'm looking for with him. I want more. More as in, I don't want to be just the girl he just calls when he's horny. I'm not even sure how it came to that in the first place. Part of me thinks that he really does like me and isn't ready for a relationship. Another part of me thinks he's just a horny douchebag. I'm really confused.

He called me a couple nights ago at 1am after many months of not hearing from him. We talked normally and he told me what he was up to and I told him what I was up to. Turns out he's in town for a while. Then he progressed the conversation and clearly wanted to get sexual. But I rejected him by telling him I wanted to go to bed because I had to get up early and said goodnight. He seemed really disappointed. Don't get me wrong, I kinda was too. It's fun and I did miss him. But I didn't wanna get into that pattern again.

I texted him a couple days after and asked if he wanted to hang out, and he never responded. I bet he feels hurt/rejected. But he's in town and I really just want to hang out like we used to long time ago. I'm sick of technology. I wanna see him in person and just be normal. Is it too late to undo what's already been done?

[lahnnabell]

Ehhhh... Might be too late. He wanted sexy time, you said, "No" and now he's sulking about it. Or not. He probably has other girls he calls in the mean time.

Seems like he's not interested in a relationship, otherwise he'd have made plans to meet with you instead of calling late at night.

[Mathias]

Can't you just ask him out?

[seasaltalmond]

I kinda did...or did I? I asked him through text if he wanted to hang out next week. That was a couple days ago and he never responded, ha.

[lahnnabell]

Then he's not interested. You should move on to someone who has the capacity to give you what you want.

[seasaltalmond]

Some things I didn't mention is this guy is a really great guy. We have tons of mutual friends as well. He does seem like he really cares about me...but I guess I wanted to see if there's any way to get out of this conundrum.

[lahnnabell]

If he really cared about you why wouldn't he make plans with you? Or respond to your text?

[seasaltalmond]

I suppose you're right. Should I call him and try again, or just forget him?

[seasaltalmond]

I guess it's hard for me to let this guy go so easily. I'm not sure why. sigh.

[lahnnabell]

Do what you want to do, but if you want to ask him out, make it a date. Don't hide behind "hanging out". If you try again, and he doesn't respond, then yes, you should forget him.

[Wakeup]

I wanna see him in person and just be normal. Is it too late to undo what's already been done?

Why would you want to be with a guy who only wants to masturbate to your words or voice? If you want to see him in person and just be normal than iMO it's never too late to stop what you don't want to be doing and ask for what you do want. If he won't give you what you want, then why would you give him what he wants?

I'd ask him again and if he ignores you or says no to actually doing something (rather than just hang out) with you then chalk your sexy time together as being a phase that you've grown out of. Why do it through technology when you can be with a guy that lives near you and wants to be holding you when he's being sexy with you? You can do better than Mr. Masturbation. ;o)

[seasaltalmond]

I texted him again last night and told him I wanted to see him, and asked when our date was gonna be. He said he had to check his work schedule and get back to me We'll see.

[lahnnabell]

Even though he did respond, please don't sit around waiting for scraps. How much a priority he treats this is a reflection of how into you he is.