Maybe its me

[conker2008]

Hi all, im 38 and been in a relationship and living together for the last 2 and a half years, things have been up and down for some time now together with frequent arguments and threats for me having to move out. Sexually things have been ,,, ok, guess due to being a bloke I would like it more often than the twice monthly it is now (at the start of the relationship it was a lot more but maybe that was the new relationship thing) ?

O.K. background done, my question comes from the other night, there was something on tv that started a conversation about circumcision, to which my partner said "I dont understand why anyone would get that done". to which I said that I was (from birth) and since she would know this why would she think it was odd.

She hadn't got a clue about my absent foreskin, like Ive said sex was great and now ok so she has had ample oppertunity to meet my friend, both orally and intercourse. Ive never been a prude to have the lights off so how the hell could she not notice ?

Is it cause she doesn't care about me enough to take interest, if it was me I could draw a pretty accurate picture of her lady bits from memory.

Your thoughts please

[julinneray]

well...I think this is a bit weird that the girl hasn't paid much attention to your friend down there..I mean in a relationship that's one of the first things you notice on ur partner, you play with it, touch it and do all sorts of things with it. After reading the story.this might a case of loss of interest in sex or may be there other issues that you two aren't discussing..being in a relationship and having sex just TWICE a month is a so little...may be you can spice the relationship by doing new tricks...you know...go down on her and she will go down on u...try new positions and stuff..it might get her to be more interested in sex because then it would be more fun.

[smackie9]

Let`s face it, there are some women out there that are up tight about sex and she could be one of them. If you find yourself arguing, having ups and downs, that means you are not compatible. Her attitude about this whole thing is proof of that. You can`t mold her into an ideal partner/lover. If she isn`t into it, it could be that she is not an adventurous person or you just don`t do it for her. Whatever the case may be, you are seeing this relationship starting to fail.

This isn`t just about sex...this is a symptom of something bigger.

[conker2008]

Yep, hear what you say, going back to background we met online I was just leaving a loveless relationship where we were together for the kids, she has 4 kids from 2 fathers, and at the time we got together the 2 youngest weren't seeing theirs due to a dispute that was going through court and ontop of that her mum wasnt well and in hospital, then through the next year and a half went though nursing home care before she passed.

I moved 200 miles to b with her (away from my kids) and to enable her to fulfil her dreams in a nursing career I have taken over the role of house husband to enable her university studying.

Our income comes from her nursing bursary (what the nhs pay), student loan, and child benefits. I would love to work, but with placement shift patterns all I have managed if the odd 'cash in hand' job.

I have my 2 boys with me at the moment due to the school holidays and was told tonight that she feels like a stranger in her own home. Also she came with me to collect them, this is rare, and she spent the majority of the journey sleeping, I asked her afterwards why and she told me it was to avoid argument.

The other night she told me that I used to do things for her and gave the example of running a bath, I feel I do all I can for her, look after, feed, get to school, and take the kids for access visits with their fathers. Shop, clean, taxi her whenever possible so she isnt prone to public transport late at night, help her with her studying... need i go on.

think iv'e answered my own question, but, we used to be great, talked about anything, no arguments and were solid. I have asked her directly and she says she loves me, want to be with me, even marriage, its a masive head****.

Answers on a postcard please

[smackie9]

Ya most relationships start out fun, passionate, and you feel nothing can ever get in your way.......but as time goes on, feelings change, people change, get bored, or realize you have nothing in common or expectations are not being met anymore.....there's arguments or avoidance, neglect....and all you are is in limbo...not really going anywhere. Not all relationships are forever, and if there is no improvement, then there has to be some realization that it might be best to move on. Most suggest couples counseling to see if there is a way to save the relationship...I say better communication is needed.....she is in avoidance which is something to worry about. There are things that are causing some distress in her life...she needs to trust you to be able to say whatever it is.