Is it possible for partner to love me again??

[ash101]

Hi me and my partner of 13 years have been split for the last 8 weeks we have a son of 5 years old.
Over the last year we seemded to grow apart and eventually she asked me to move out of our home.At the time i thought it was what i wanted but soon realised it wasnt at all and loved her more than ever.

After several atempts to sort things out with no joy she finally agreed to start trying to sort things out.she agreed on me staying at the house on weekends.
This went on for a few weeks and we seemed to get on realy well better than we have for a long time.

Last night I asked her how she was feeling and what she was thinking about the relationship and she told me that she dosnt think it will work as aslthough she cares for me she has no feelings for me.

After a bit of convincing she agreed to keep on trying and i sugested we up it a gear and start having a bit off physcal contact ie cuddeling up to watch tv etc which she agreed just to see if the feeling could come back.

weve aranged to go out for a nice meal together saturday to spend some time alone so she can see if she enjoys and see if there is something worth trying for.
She admited that she would like us to be happy as a familly but she dosnt know about her feelings.

I guess my question is do you thinkk im fighting an impossible cause or is there a chance she could get her feelings back for me.

Thanks!!

[ash101]

Can someone please give me some advice whethet or not its possible for her to regain the love and feelings for me as im at the end of my tether and am seriusly depressed.I just need to know if you think this is possible and or should o try and face up to reality thats its over.

[Cerby]

It sounds like she is willing to give it a chance. This is far more than most people in this forum get from their exes.

You need to go into that dinner and make a solid impression. Dress like a winner, be confident, a bit aloof, and don't cry or beg for her back. The last part is the most important.

Other than that, we can't help much, so good luck!

[ash101]

It sounds like she is willing to give it a chance. This is far more than most people in this forum get from their exes.

You need to go into that dinner and make a solid impression. Dress like a winner, be confident, a bit aloof, and don't cry or beg for her back. The last part is the most important.

Other than that, we can't help much, so good luck!

Thanks Cerby much apreicatefld.Just not sure if she agree cos she feels sory for me.

[Cerby]

Thanks Cerby much apreicatefld.Just not sure if she agree cos she feels sory for me.

Who cares, she agreed, now stun her with how awesome you actually are. Be the person she fell for, not fell from.

[ash101]

cheers Thanks for ur advice I hope ur rite I realy think its doomed though .she very level headed and i think she only willing to try so she can say she has done enough for our sons sake not cos she wants to get back woth me. sorry but im just feeling so negetive and in my hrart of hearts i think its over!!!

[Kyeema]

I guess my question is do you thinkk im fighting an impossible cause or is there a chance she could get her feelings back for me.

Nobody here will be able to tell you if she can get her feelings back for you, you can only find out yourself... but Cerby is right... she is willing to give your relationship a chance, so if you really love her go for it! Go out for dinner with her, act as if it was the first time you met her, get to know each other from anew! Hold the door open for her, be the perfect gentleman, ask her out to dance afterwards or do something unexpected you're never done before... show her that she doesn't know everything about you, that there's so much more to discover... for both of you...

Wish you luck!
Kyeema

PS.

I just need to know if you think this is possible and or should o try and face up to reality thats its over.

I just wonder why you ask here if you should go after her or give up? I mean you say you love her and she is giving your relationship a chance with cuddling, going out and all, she says she wants this family too, so deep down I wonder why you even have to ask and consider giving up without trying??? If you really loved her that much wouldn't you take each and every straw without even asking? I just mean, I would fight like a devil - unless I wasn't so sure about the whole thing myself! So what was going on in your relationship that makes you ask these questions? How do you feel when you cuddle or be together? Perhaps you are so hurt deep inside because she doesn't know about her feelings that you would like to rethink your relationship too? Is there a part inside of you that would you like us to say it's impossible so you can step back? Sorry, but this just came to my mind when I re-read your posts...

Added comment:
Just read your last post after writing this... and got the confirmation that my PS could be right after all... you don't seem to believe in your relationship, in reality you even seem to need her to fight for your love - could that be true? So... be honest with yourself! And feel hugged...

[ash101]

I love her to bits but iv every thing in my power to get her backm


She has told me she would like it to work bult she has also said she dont know if it can as she ain't got feelings for me

I just need to know if it is possible for somone to get those feelings back or is it a case of once they are gone they are gone.

[Kyeema]

I just need to know if it is possible for somone to get those feelings back or is it a case of once they are gone they are gone.

I don't know, I've never been in a situation like this and I'm not the oracle of Delphi, but I assume everything is possible...

She has told me she would like it to work bult she has also said she dont know if it can as she ain't got feelings for me

Why would she want it to work if she has no feelings for you? Why would anyone want to be in a relationship with somebody whom he doesn't have any feelings for? Perhaps you've got your answer there...

Love & light
Kyeema

[ash101]

I don't know, I've never been in a situation like this and I'm not the oracle of Delphi, but I assume everything is possible...


Why would she want it to work if she has no feelings for you? Why would anyone want to be in a relationship with somebody whom he doesn't have any feelings for? Perhaps you've got your answer there...

Loev & light
Kyeema

Thanks kyeema

I dont know what she wants to be honest. I dont think she knows.
I do sometimes wonder if she is a bit worried about her future being on her own ie.We would have to sell the house and car


Or perhaps she trying to justify to herself that she's done enough for our sons sake.

Iv spent an evening there tonight its like we've taken a backward step as she seemed more cold towards me.

I just cant work out hat she's feeling

[Kyeema]

I just cant work out hat she's feeling

Then concentrate on how you are feeling! That's the most important thing, don't you think? You can't change her feelings and actions, but you can change yours, so why not start there?

Ask yourself if the reasons for her trying you listed above are good enough for you to stay with her. 13 years is such a long time, I know. You can't just throw it away like that. But you write she seemed colder towards you today (sorry to hear that, I know how much this hurts!), she doesn't know about her feelings... so ask yourself the only question you can really answer: how do you feel?

Of course it's hard to be honest with yourself there... but you have the right to take decision that are best for your life, you just have this only one! If you want to give it a chance do it, but always observe how you feel and allow yourself to say no, if it gets too much for you...

Big hug
Kyeema

[ash101]

Update!!!!

Well thanks for all your help everyone but tonight our relationship finally ended .Deep down I new this is what would happen because she realy wasnt showing any feelings for me.
After a legnthy chat with a few tears from the two of us we decided it would be better this way she admits she would liked it work but she hasnt any feelings for me.

Iv got to say im devistated and am realy down in the dumps about my future and the thought of being a parttime dad is realy hurting me this is not what i had planned for my son.

anayway thanks for all ur advise !!!

[Kyeema]

Sorry to hear that *big hug*...

Of course you are devastated... you just broke up... give yourself the time to grieve and then move on!

And you will be a brilliant part-time dad for your son, having high-quality time together and enjoying every bit of it.

And your future will just be fine... the next few weeks will be tough, but you're strong you'll go through it and then you'll rise and shine again!

Big hug
Kyeema

[ash101]

Sorry to hear that *big hug*...

Of course you are devastated... you just broke up... give yourself the time to grieve and then move on!

And you will be a brilliant part-time dad for your son, having high-quality time together and enjoying every bit of it.

And your future will just be fine... the next few weeks will be tough, but you're strong you'll go through it and then you'll rise and shine again!

Big hug
Kyeema

Thanks for your kindness just realy strugling to believe its over and letting go.We have to sit down with our 5 year old tonight its making me feel sick just thinking about. I just dont know how and what to tell him.

[Kyeema]

Believing it's over and letting go take time... we separated 2 months ago (after 8 years) and still sometimes I can't believe it's really over... but trust me... even if you can't believe it now, the pain will get less and you will feel better soon...

And I am sure you will find the right words tonight... just be honest - in a 5-yr old suitable way of course... children can feel what you feel and whether you tell the truth or not...

Sending you lots of strength and hugs and keeping you in my thoughts tonight...

Kyeema