Help needed

[roscopecotrain]

Hi all,

New here but hopefully i will explain myself well enoughfor you lot to help.

Ok so some background, i split up with my ex about 6 months ago now, not the best split but it was ok, i then met another girl quite quickly who was married, it was only supposed to be one weekend of fun but it was clear there was a major connection there very quickly, she left her husband and we got together, and everything moved very fast, we moved in together after a fw months and everything was amazing, i felt so good, feelings i hd never had before, genuine feelings.

Now i have issues from my past, a abusive marriage physically to me, cheated and cheated on, i eneded it with current girlfriend in view of therapy to sort myself out before we started again. I couldnt get therapy as such a huge waiting list so we tried again, amazing at first but now i am at the point of not trusting her, not at all.
On one of our first dates i caught her kissing an old friend of hers, a female, talked about it not a problem, she then was messaging a guy on facebook without me knowing, now she says it was just to wind him up due to the fact he asked her for sex and because of her past she couldnt not teach him a lesson as such, i dealt with it but i now really cant trust her and i am now making mountains out of molehills over nothing because i dont trust her, she saw an old friend of hers who really needed help and i stright away thought something was going on. how do i stop this constant dis trust?

Now i am no saint, it killed her when we split for me to sort myself out, she lost all faith in me and she has put up with a lot with my ex as i work away during the week so when if i get home in the week i stop by and see the kids with my ex, she has been fine with this when most people wouldnt, not a problem, then the trust went and again and again i put her through hell, threatning to end it, accusing her of all sorts which has made her weak again, i am destroying her and i hate it.

We both love eachother so much, the connection is incredible and we have talked about kids and we are just about to get our own place.

The help im looking for is how do i stop the distrust and if i get a moment where i dont trust her how do i deal with it without losing the plot and accusing her of all sorts when she has done nothing wrong? i hate what i am doing to her but cant seem to stop.

Any questions please ask as im sure ive missed something out.

Ross

[roscopecotrain]

Ok so last night was the first night I had seen her in 4 days due to work, night before she had gone out with friends and not come home, one of these friends is who I worry she is doing things with, never been a history between them and I have full access to her phone to see the txts but I saw he was on her message list and all the jealousy feelings came back, I kept myself together but it was hard, I really don't know how to deal with it, she is honest and open with me, I'm allowed to see her phone anytime and everything else yet I still think she is doing things.

How do I deal with all thhe non trust when she isn't even doing anything?

[devonbrown]

Focus on where the issue is. You are the one that doesn't trust her. That is insecurity. You have to try to figure out why you are insecure. My guess is that you don't feel like you deserve her in some manner. You have to gain some confidence and understand that she is with you because she wants to be. If she cheats, it will be because of something in her, not because of you. And if that happens, you will know that she is definitely not someone you want to be with. That you deserve better. So you will be able to move on easier.

I wouldn't give up on the idea of counseling either. Sometimes it can be very beneficial to help figure yourself out.

Good luck.