I've been dating a girl from work now for 2 1/2 months, with a couple of breaks during that time, and there's something about her that is starting to bug me more and more, and that is her self esteem issues. I've tried everything I can to help her, I've tried being as patient as I can but I don't know how much more I can take, it hurts me to see her putting herself down all the time.
The easiest way to explain my situation would be to list every attribute that has brought me to this conclusion, then hopefully you guys will be able to give me some kind of advice.
- Firstly this girl is always putting herself down, always saying she is fat, ugly, etc and always makes jokes that I must be talking about someone else if I ever call her "sexy", "gorgeous", "my sexy girl", etc.
- Today she asked me not to call her such words as sexy or gorgeous as she "doesn't like it", in other words, she just can't see how anyone would think that of her.
- She has ended things between us on two seperate occasions because of small issues I had that I tried to discuss with her. Despite the fact she agreed that she was in the wrong, she ended things as she said she will continue to do them and I deserve better (hurting me because of something she has done - I don't get it, shouldn't I be the one ending it?).
- If we're lying on the sofa or bed hugging she doesn't like me putting my hand on her stomach or her other supposed "fat bits", despite the fact it's been 2 1/2 months.
- I've never once seen her with her top off, the one time we had sex she left it on, again, I believe because of her low self esteem.
- As I touched on, we've only had sex once, and that was on the third date....2 months ago. Circumstances have been against us so we haven't had loads of opportunities (such as her ending things, being ill, etc) but we've had some but she usually doesn't want to go further than kissing. I've went to take her cardigan off, or lift her top up, but she stops me then generally stops kissing and asks if I want to watch a movie, or do something else.
- She often tells me she "doesn't know why I put up with her" or why I'd want to be with her.
I've tried my best to treat this girl like a princess. I'm constantly calling her beautiful, gorgeous, etc, I'm constantly doing everything I can for this girl to make her happy but despite all that I don't seem to be getting anywhere. She is always putting herself down, calling herself fat and just won't open up to me. I would have thought in almost 3 months she would feel comfortable with her body around me but she isn't. Like I mentioned, we've only had sex once and I do believe that's because she's not comfortable with her body, she doesn't like me putting my hands on parts of her body she calls "fat" when hugging and she just seems to hate herself and it pains me to see.
Can you guys give me any advice on what I can do to make this girl feel more comfortable with her looks, her personality, around me? How I can make this girl realise that, no matter what she thinks of herself, I care about her alot, I love the way she looks and actually like her personality? I feel I'm getting nowhere but I refuse to just walk away.