On the edge.. Needvadvice please!!!

[Stars323]

Hey guys, im new on this and i would really love some advice. Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a half now. Hes 22 and im 20, i am mature, he even says im more mature than him. At the start of the relationship it was great, as any other relationship, he was the sweetest guy, he made me feel like the special person in the world, he made me feel beautifull, treated me with respect and appreciated everything i did for him... Now, im crying every week, he gets so cruel that im in tears.. We make plans, but he ends up going to the pub, saying will only be an hour (instead comes home in 3 hours, pissed out of his heads, ruins our plans, because we cant go for a meal when hes pissed and cant drive) while hes at the pub im at his house waiting patiently on my own for him!! If he wanted to go put, he shouldnt have made plans with me!! He also invited me over to his, said he was going out for 2 hours tops, im already annoyed because i could be doing something else( i live half an hour away from him, and cant drive) so im stuck at his.. He buys me a drink and says il join you when i come back .. Surprise surprise ... I wait for him for 7 hours, he comes back at 4 in the morning, and doesnt think hes in the wrong, and doesnt think he should be makung it up to me! ( this is not a one time thing, it happens constantly... I expect it, we even argue about gim going out because i know he takes the piss! I believe every man shoul have boy tim... He has them to often, hes in a relationship and needs to take me out too!!

This is the worst bit.. Since being with him i have lost my confidence ( im not big headed, but im a healtht weight and i do get a lot of attention) but i dont have as much confidence since being with him... He brings constantly brings up other women, and says i need a bigger arse, and that my body is out of preportion just because im small but i have big breasts!! Ive had enough of not feeling pretty, or special for him!! When we argue he says he hates me, he would treat his next girlfriend like a princess, he says he hates looking at my face and tells me to f**k off!! He tells me to get out of his house!! He breaks up with me in every argument!!!! BUT the next day.. After hes, calmed down, he says ( i love you, im sorry, i know you deserve better, i know i can be nasty when im in that mood!! I want us to work, your beautifull) abd im such a mug, i forgive so easily, and next week its the same again!! I have to take anti deppressants because if this guy.. I was such a bubbly, happy confident girl before this!!! I do love him, because in his other days he can be nice.. I dont want to break up with him yet, i want to try and resolve this first and see if theres anything i can do before i give up on him!! Weve had many chats, hes ended up saying he will change... BUT NOTHINg!! is there any way i can make him feel like he will loose me, is there any way i can make him fall back in love all over again and keep the spark.. I dont want to play games... But i feel like i have to, its my last chance!! I eant him to wsnt me again!! Involved in his future!! I let him have space and he lets me have space too.. We sleep with each other at least 4 times a week, so theres no problem there.. I do feel like im the one that starts it all the time though.. And does call me a nympho...( but trust me im not that bad) he just tries to windes me up!!!

He never invites me along with his mates, because he thinks they flirt with me!!! I just feel left out, disrespected, and feel loved... He never contacts me first.. I just want some effort from his side!! Im vreaking down, and im the mug taking this sh!t .. My friends and family have said ive vhanged... I dont look happy any more!!! Is there any way i can get the spark back have fun... Get him attracted to me again... Any way i should axt... Different clothes, more mak up??? Anything...? Other wise our relationship is over because i physically cant deal with this any more!!!!


Oh he also daid when he was drunk, he doesnt care if i got into a car with him when hes drunk... He doesnt care if i ended up in hospital... And he doesnt xare about what he would say to my famile... I literely had to hide his keys.. To stop him!! I told him one day your going to kill a innoccent person or child.. I have told him that il call the police if he does it again!!!


Ok please give me advice.. And im sorry for the ling post ... Thanks

[Sonrisa]

advice - leave now before it's too late

[Stars323]

Theres nothing i can do??

[gigigi]

yes i agree. this relationship is abusive and it also sounds like he might have a drinking problem. there is no way you can fix him or the problems you're describing- they're not your fault. certainly new clothes or whatever has nothing to do with this- don't let him mess with your head and make you feel like you're doing something wrong!

[Stars323]

Would there be any way i could get him to realise... Like If i walk out the house or?? I dont want to give up without trying.. I know i sound naieve...

[HeartIsAching]

No. You can't control him.

He's emotionally abusive, and probably an alcoholic.

Sonrisa's advice was the best given - run.

[Stars323]

I dont want to controll him, i just want respect and appreciation... Im sure there is something else i can do before breaking up... I dont want to look back and think i didnt try. I do love him and we have had some good times.. It jyst looks like hes took the wrong path... I do respect your advice you guys.. But im sure there is something else i can do!! Cant people change??

[HeartIsAching]

*sigh* No. Not without help, and you've got to want help. He doesn't.

[Stars323]

If i sat him down... And talked to him, what help would he need.. Cant i do anything... He fell in love with me before, im sure he can feel the same way again...

[HeartIsAching]

If i sat him down... And talked to him, what help would he need.. Cant i do anything... He fell in love with me before, im sure he can feel the same way again...

Oh fine, you're right. Enjoy your beatings when they begin.

[devonbrown]

OP, you said

i just want respect and appreciation

You aren't going to get that from him. Nothing you say to him if you sit him down and talk to him is going to help. He needs to want to change, as HeartIsAching said. This is a no-win situation for you if you stay. However, if you leave, you save yourself and if he eventually decides he wants to save himself then maybe somewhere down the line something could start over. But in the current situation, it is best to leave now, exactly like Sonrisa said.

[Sonrisa]

thanks to you i dreamt of being chased and beaten the whole night.

[Stars323]

thanks to you i dreamt of being chased and beaten the whole night.

Who me, how did i manage that...


Thanks for everyones advice, some ar a little harsh, but true!!!

[Sonrisa]

i guess when i reply to posts i try to put myself in the place of the poster and ask myself what i'd do, and it probly got stuck in my subconscious.

[Wakeup]

Op: You're obviously not hearing what you want to hear. There is NOTHING you can do to get what you want from this man except have one last talk with him and tell him what it will take to keep you as his girlfriend... (like quiting drinking all together because he'll never be able to just have one or two) If he doesn't want to give you that, makes no attempt to give you what you want, continues to abuse you emotionally and keeps on totally disrespecting you then you either leave or you accept a life with a man who is having an affair ... with the bottle. You can't control him it's only you that you can control so I hope you have the strength to change what you can (in yourself)

How sad if you stay and accept living a life of the pain and lonliness you paint a picture of in your posts.