Maybe to Friends w Benifits?

[jnr1005]

So I have decided I am not ready for the dating game. I am having way to much fun being single and chillin with my friends. The issue is I am interested in FWB. One of the guys I hang with is over every day. (Our friends pretty much hang and crash at our place bc the barracks suck). Last Friday we were all chillin at my house and playing Kings (a drinking gmae). As the night wore on the one friend was getting kinda frisky with an occasional butt slap..ect. The last thing I remember is everyone going to sleep and us being outside arguing (over what I do not know).

I woke up the next morning naked in my bed with him. Then we kinda had sex again. (I think again bc I am assuming we did but neither of us recalls anything after fighting). I found my bra and underwear in the front lawn.. that was mortifying.

Anyhow... we kinda talked about it a few days later and he said he was really sorry and the first thing that came to his mind that morning was that he hoped he had not messed up a really good friendship. I told him I was cool with it and what would he think about being friends with benifits. I explained I was not interested in dating (he really is not my type for bf material) and that I just wanted it to be cool and drama free. His response "maybe" and that he would think about it since I can't do anything right now anyway. (I went and had my lower area pierced 2 days after the incident). He said he has done FWB before and it always ended with the girl being all clingy and wanting more.

What the hell does "maybe" mean? Is it "oh shit, I don't want to hurt her feelings by saying no" or is he really concerned we will mess up the friendship? I mean as a guy, if you didn't want to wouldn't you just say "no, because I am afraid this will mess up our friendship." Why would you say maybe?

[maxmax]

Hmmm ... a guy turning down 'no strings attached' sex.

Either he didn't enjoy having sex with you, has someone else in the picture, or really does think you'll become all clingy with him.

If he was so bothered about your friendship I don't think you would have ended up in bed together in the first place ... and then decided to have sex again.

[Wakeup]

LMAO... Here you are asking for a no strings type arrangement and your head fking yourself already about it. If you want to play NO STRINGS then stop expectations and trying to read minds. The man said MAYBE. That tells that hes considering it but isn't as keen as you seem to be to **** a friend and maybe hurt or be hurt.

Thank him for at least contemplating before bopping you without thought or consideration of the possible ramifications.

Perhaps he was too drunk to think rationally in the first place.

[bulrush]

Jump his bones again, but this time, when neither of you are drinking. Be playful and "demand" your benefits again. Demand that he "service" you again, just have fun with it. I bet it will make him smile.

[jnr1005]

Well I am 2nd guessing bc I don't want to ruin the friendship...not because I would want more. I over anyalize everything. I debated for 4 days before broaching it bc even though I was interested I really enjoy hanging out with the group of friends we have and I don't want things to be weird. I would be fine with a "no thanks" or a "yes"... I just hate the "maybe" becuase that leaves me thinking WTF? I am a person that wants clear cut and done. I think I will just chalk it up as a no and leave it at that.

[maxmax]

I just hate the "maybe" becuase that leaves me thinking WTF? I am a person that wants clear cut and done.

Get yourself a good selection of toys.

They don't give you any 'maybes' or leave you thinking WTF?

[jnr1005]

Get yourself a good selection of toys.

They don't give you any 'maybes' or leave you thinking WTF?

LOL! I know but I wanted a live toy Anyhow, as much as I love the advice to just jump him, his maybe may mean no and that would make it awkward for him. I think I will leave well enough alone because I value our friendship more that geting sex. Thanks for the advice.

[IndigoGal]

It doesn't sound like he's a great candidate for the FWB. Some people handle it better than others. Maybe he has really had trouble with clinginess before. Maybe he doesn't want to mess up the friendship. Maybe he's actually concerned he'll fall for you and doesn't want to risk it. Whatever the reason, a maybe would mess with my head. If you want to pursue it, I'd get him alone, straddle him and say, "So are you going to F--- me sometimes and still be my friend, or not? I'm fine either way, but I want an answer." If he starts to blather or something, just cut him off and say, "OK, sounds like a no. No problem." and climb off his lap. If he can't make a decision, then tell him you don't want anything complicated, if he's unsure, you'd rather not go there.

[guest1111]

Being brutally honest, there are 4 reasons he may be having doubts:

1) The cold light of day left him dissinterested. (Morning wood will temporarily cloud a man's judgement)
2) He thinks you'll get upset/annoying if he gets with other people.
3) He likes someone else.
4) He can't be bothered with even the loosest of commitments..

There will be countless guys who will want a friends with benefits arrangement but it sounds to me like he values your friendship more than he values what he can get from you physically (which, for a red blooded male is pretty impressive). Casual sex always leads to a degree of awkwardness at some stage, particularly if it is within a friendship group. For me, a frank, honest conversation is the best answer, and if you don't know him well enough for that then you don't know him well enough for the arrangement you are looking for to be successful.