From flirty FWB to aloof but exclusive

[smf]

I met a guy about a month ago. We went on a couple dates and hooked up. Neither one of us was interested in a relationship, so we decided to be friends with benefits. Usually, a FWB situation is ambiguous, but in this case we decided explicitly what it would mean: sex with a bit of conversation, no sleepovers, and no socializing/involvement in each other's lives (I was the one who initiated these rules, which he happily agreed to). It was perfect. We texted almost every day and saw each other about 3 times per week.

Then 1 week ago, while on an out of state trip, he texted me saying he'd "broken his promise ", had feelings for me, and wanted to be exclusive. I'm usually a relationship girl so I agreed to try things out. When he got back we spent the night together. It was sweet, the sex was better, he showed me pictures of his family, and I caught him watching me sleep. The next morning we cuddled a bit and then parted ways.

He didn't text me for two days. When he did, it was much less flirtatious. I said we should get together, and he immediately texted back with "is that code for lets have a serious talk?". I said no, and he suggested a movie. Movie was fun, he put his arm around me, we chatted normally, and went back to his apartment. No moves were made. I said I had to leave, and met no resistance. He walked me to my car and kissed me goodnight.

I playfully called him out on his aloofness, and pointed out that he was making me come to him, and that i didn't like it. He made an understated joke about how maybe that was his game. 24 hours later: no contact.

He's a self proclaimed emotionally unavailable guy, and I respect that. He's been with a lot of women but has only been exclusive with a few. When we were hooking up, he talked about it pretty openly. I just got out of a 2 year relationship so I understand baggage. But he was the one who wanted to make this something more. Exclusivity should mean an End to game-playing, not a beginning.
It's like asking for a relationship was his perverse way of claiming the emotional upper hand.

All I want is consistency. He can be a guilt-free hookup buddy or a boyfriend, I honestly don't care, I just don't want to play games. Why is he behaving like this and what should I do?

[jenniferx]

"He can be a guilt-free hookup buddy or a boyfriend" Do you really want to be in a relationship?

[smf]

I do. I like him, and I can see myself really falling for him. I knew there was potential, but when we were hooking up I could just enjoy it and keep my feelings in check. When he asked for exclusivity, I relaxed. Now those potential feelings have become a reality, and I want a relationship.
I guess part of me wishes things had stayed how they were. But I suppose I'm kidding myself when I say that hookup buddy is still an option.

[Wakeup]

It looks like he wants you both to be exclusive but he still wants to be able to live a life not having to answer to you. The only string being that neither of you can 'do' other people.

Tell him exactly what you said in your opening post and ask him for a solution. If he can't come up with one that will make you both happy, then its time for you to make a decision as to what he offers is good enough and adjust your expectations to match his or, leave him outright (no more fk buddy) because even though you talk brave and unemotional it's quite obvious by your thread and your quickness to do a full blown relationship with this guy that you'd NEVER be able to go back to FB's and be happy with that dynamic.

FWB: Friends with Benefits means you already had to be a "friend" and you added the benefits.

FB: Fvck Buddy. (which you guys are/were because you only knew him for a month) You meet and decide to fvck one another. No prior friendship existed.

You need to become a friend as in really get to know him and do things friends do to bond in order for this to blossom into somethine romantic.... Seems he's avoiding (or trying to) avoid that step.

IMO, of course.

All I want is consistency. He can be a guilt-free hookup buddy or a boyfriend, I honestly don't care,

Yes you do or you'd just tell him you've demoted him back to fvck buddy because he's still treating you like one.

[Yet another guy]

we decided explicitly what it would mean: sex with a bit of conversation, no sleepovers, and no socializing/involvement in each other's lives

To me that seems like a **** buddy relationship rather than FWB.

Seems to me like he wants you to take some initiative instead of being completely passive. Maybe you should talk about this with him.