New relationship paranoia

[bettiebangs333]

Hello, sorry I haven't formally posted in the new member section yet but this issue has gotten my mind so cloudy I just have to get it off of my chest.

So i am now in my first relationship. I wa sseeing this guys starting three months ago and then dating him for about a month and a half. I don't know how relationships are supposed to be and i have a history of anxiety, depression all that good stuff. I do try to stay positive but whenever I have feelings for someone I get a horrible feeling that they will leave me and lose all interest. Any little behavior to support that idea I over analyze. Or are my instincts right?


When we first started going out and getting to know eachother, it started out to be a once a week thing. From those meetings we both learned that we are very shy and somewhat awkward, neither of us much relationship experience. He has also told me that i intimidated him, and he says I still do. time went on and he finally kissed me and blah blah blah after three months he asked me to be his girlfriend. Also during the time we werrent dating we often went out alone just the two of us, mind you it felt awkward becuase we are both so shy. Now here are my concerns. Since we have been dating:

- we do see eachother about three times a week, but I feel like its not enough, though when I think about if we did see eachother more, i would feel suffrocated and im sure he would too. Also he texts me everyday to see how my day was. Ans then comes up with lame excuses why he cant see me. like hes too tired or something. The only time he does see me is when its convienient for him and him only.

-we dont really spend alone time together. we never go out alone anymore. the only time is when all his friends go to bed and were sitting on the couch alone, or when he comes over to spend the night. Which is another thing, he only spends the night twice a week. I thought guys wanted to sleep with their girlfriend all the time? I just seems like he won't go out of his way to see me anymore. Like its not at the top of his list.

-when we do see eachother it goes really well. and i believe its good again. Then i day passes and my head gets cloudy. There are some psitive things he does too. Hes always holding my hand or sneaking a kiss even around his friends. But sometimes i feel like he just keeps me around to show me off. He does little things like buying me a single flower when we are out. when he does spend the night he is very respectful and caring and passionate enough to make me feel like this trouble is all worth it.

-am i expecting too much from him?
-do you think its going well from your experiences?
-why do i feel like i think about him all the time and he doesnt think of me at all?
-is it normal for guys to want to hang out with friends all the time weather im included or not?
-is sleeping together only twice a week normal? mind you we work exact opposite schedules. he works days i work nights. but his day shifts start at 11 am and only go till 3 so i dont buy that "im too tired" bullcrap
-uggg am I just looking for something to obsess about?

and here is some background information. he is young, 23 i am 20. I did lose my virginity to him. His last girlfriend was 2 years ago that didnt end so well, she cheated on him multiple times. I am his third real girlfriend in his lifetime. and like i said we are both closed introverts with personal issues. But he has told me straight out he is done with games and he wouldnt be with me if he didnt feel it, though he could just be trying to avoid confrontation. I dont know I could talk circles about this i just can't shake this dreadful feeling. I am sick of crying over what could be and hopefully is nothing. Just the fact that he doesnt chase me like he used to really bothers me. But is it normal for that part to be over now that we are together?

[rafterman]

He works four hours a day and he's tired?BS. Well the thrill of the chase is over. He's got you but he has to keep you. Guys need their downtime as well, dont smother him. No offence but you seem like high maintenence. Would you like to have more sex with him or when he comes over are you just going to use him to offload your baggage?

[bettiebangs333]

he doesnt tell me that hes tired all the time just once in a while. I don't get out of work until 10 -12 at night, so he may just not feel up to it. But around that time he will be at his friends house. Is that a red flag that he wont want to see me that night I get out late? Like I said when he doesn't go out of him way to see me I wonder why. are my expectations too high? is he even doing anything wrong? if hes not then i'll chill out. or am i just noticing certain things about him now? like I said the only thing that has changed is sometimes he wont want to see me......everything else is pretty much how it was when i started seeing him. I don't mean to be a spaz, believe me he has no idea of how bad i question this....i leave it in my head because once i see him i feel better for the most part.

[bettiebangs333]

wow i just read "What Women Need to know: The Man's Point of View"
Shit I need to settle down. I am taking this waaaaaaayyy to seriously. obviously its not his actions causing the problem, its my perception. If I dont knock this shit off hes going to run. I take everything personally, im putting way to many emotional complications on this, when im around him im a little shy i should just be myself dammit! im always thinking negative and not enjoying the positive, i never invite him to do anything i wait for him..............WOAH I WILL NOT be one of those girls. hey first step is recognising the problem right?

[Cerby]

wow i just read "What Women Need to know: The Man's Point of View"
Shit I need to settle down. I am taking this waaaaaaayyy to seriously. obviously its not his actions causing the problem, its my perception. If I dont knock this shit off hes going to run. I take everything personally, im putting way to many emotional complications on this, when im around him im a little shy i should just be myself dammit! im always thinking negative and not enjoying the positive, i never invite him to do anything i wait for him..............WOAH I WILL NOT be one of those girls. hey first step is recognising the problem right?

Bingo, its not that he doesn't care, its that you and him just aren't on the same page yet. Dial back and let things unfold, you'll be fine!

As its your first relationship, you'll get lots of tips if you ask about that in the love section, but in reality, the trick is just to not take things too seriously. I don't even consider a relationship serious until the ~6 month mark. You're a long way from there, and a girl that has the pressures you do would scare me off.

[bettiebangs333]

Thank you! i'm just glad i havent put all these concerns on him. I did ask where we stand but once. and he told me how it was. just go with the flow.....