Help me get the spark back in my marriage

[RSLove]

My husband and I have been together about 6 years. Dated about 3, lived together a year then got married almost 2 years ago. The first few years we where together we where the kind of couple that made other people sick. The kind of couple that made other people call out, "get a room". That being said.. Lately I've been feeling, for lack of a better way to put it, invisible. Maybe that's a touch over dramatic but it's how I feel. What little bit he does do in the relationship as far as keeping the romance alive is minimal at best. I want the spark back. My main complaints? I feel like alot of the time he's very selfish. I have done alot of reading on relationships and taken the advice of, make him feel special, look at it from his perspective, try to make him feel good, etc etc. I work out, I keep my apparence up, I clean, take care of the children, make his lunch for work, etc etc. I try to listen to his day. I make the effort to try to compliment him and listen to him. I make arrangments for us to go out to dinner, have spa dates, etc. All the advice i've been given so far says, do that and he'll come around and do for you too. That's the jist anyway. I just dont feel like it's working. Little things bother me. We didnt have a honeymoon right after our wedding because we have children and it didnt work out. This past summer we where supose to honeymoon. We got someone to keep the children for a week. It wasnt a honeymoon. More like a vacation. No romance. Alot of running around keeping busy... And he did alot of selfish things. Argued with me about having a smoking room for example because he wanted to smoke, even though I told him I'd rather have a non smoking room because I have sinus allergies. Or getting into a fight with me because I wanted to take a picture spur of the moment and him getting pissed and saying "you know I dont like having my picture taken". And it's not just that. We're back home and I notice the routine seems all about him or the children. Most days he comes home, I fix dinner and he watches tv. He watches what he wants to watch. I have pretty much stopped setting with him because it doesnt intrest me. I tried for awhile but when he knows its somthing I dont care for but always wants to do it... well... you get the idea. I find myself most days being lonely while he's at work, serving him dinner and then being lonely while he's home. I could discribe so many "little" things that annoy me. Most recent example was that he got 3 movies to watch this weekend. Not one is somthing "intresting" to me. I feel at a lost. I want him to notice me.... by the way this isnt about sex. We have sex. But useally only when he wants to. He does on occassion turn me down because he "doesnt feel like it". But over all we have sex fairly regularly. For me this is about feeling noticed. I want him to take an intrest in me as a person. Or to at least feel as if he does. Does anyone have any advice?

[Sirius30]

Please, go tell him how you feel. I think I took advantage of the love of my wife for far too long, and now I am paying for it. I would do anything to go back and do things differently. I'm no expert, but what you need is a change of routine. People get stuck in routines, and before you know it things become stale without even realizing it. Us men are so oblivious to women's feelings sometimes we need a smack in the face to wake up. Go out together, just the two of you, on a long walk, and open up all your feelings to him. If he loves you he will change.

[RSLove]

your right. I just need to try and figure out some way to explain it to him.

[pisces25]

He is definitely taking you for granted. He will only realise the full extent of this if you leave. You don't need to leave though but you do need to tell him how you feel and if he doesn't change consider couples counselling. Nothing worse than being unsatisfied in your relationship, it is a very lonely feeling.

[Wakeup]

your right. I just need to try and figure out some way to explain it to him.

Show him this thread. He likely doesn't even know you're bored and unhappy. Do you have any hobbies, play any sports, do anything for yourself that doesn't include him? Sounds like you're relying on him to be your friend, your lover, your entertainment, your source of self worth. Time to go back to work (if you don't work) or join a gym or a sports team or take a class at night... anything to make you interested and interesting. You're both in a rut in which you take each other for granted by the sounds of things. He doesn't have a clue how to entertain you and you rely on him too much to entertain you from what i see.