Hello everybody.

This is a somewhat long story, but hopefully somebody will be able to stay awake long enough to maybe give me some advice. ;-)

Anyways, about 5-6 years ago I lived with my brother and his wife, who is from Mexico. During the time I was living there, my sister-in-law's sister came to stay on a temporary Visa for several months. Her sister is stunningly beautiful, is the same age as me, kind, quiet, extremely smart, great with kids, and just a real great person to be around. I was immediately smitten. The only problem at the time was she did not speak a word of English and I spoke not a word of Spanish. Furthermore, I was recovering from a horrible breakup and was feeling kind of insecure, withdrawn, pessimistic, and kind of depressed. We weren't really able to speak to a point where we could really get to know each other. It was mainly 'hellos', 'how are yous', and kind of pointing at things and learning some words. I did find out that she shared a big interest of mine, classic movies, so I'd find a movie or two that had some Spanish subtitles and we'd hang out and watch the movies together in silence. Usually once a week we did that and I looked forward to it more than anything. I didn't really even think about if she was interested in me. 1) The language barrier, 2) My mental state made that impossible for me to consider, and 3) I knew she was only going to be up here temporarily. So when her Visa expired, I said adios, gave her a hug, she left, and that's as far as anything went...at that point.

Fast forward a few years later (about 3 years ago). My sister-in-law calls me out of the blue telling me that she was concerned that her sister refused to come back to the States to visit because, according to her, when she left she was deeply depressed because she liked me a lot and did not want to leave me. My sister-in-law thought she wasn't coming up here for fear that she'd have to leave and feel bad all over again. I was shocked of course! I also felt horrible because she did actually come up on vacation about a year after she went back. I saw her at a family function, we talked a little bit, as best we could and I told her I would come back later in the week to say goodbye (I was no longer living at my brother's house), but when I went to their house, she had already gone back home. I can't imagine how that must have made her feel if what my sister-in-law told me on the phone was true. When I got the phone call, I decided not to do anything right away. I was involved in another relationship and my sister-in-law thought it wouldn't be a good idea. Shortly after, I really lost interest in the girl I was involved with and that relationship ended. So I emailed the girl in Mexico, using a translator, added her on Facebook, and tried the best I could to chat with her online. I purchased Rosetta Stone to become fluent in Spanish and she learned some English through her job. So we still chat/email almost daily and our conversations are pretty good. However, we're at an impasse. She currently has an excellent job in Mexico, and, obviously, she cannot really leave that job, come up for a few months, go back down, get another job and repeat the process over and over.

Right now, my constant thinking of her is beginning to drive me a little crazy because there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. Though I know it may never work out, the remote possibility of it working out has a complete lock on my mind. She's planning on coming to visit sometime in 2012 and even though it is such a long time away, she did agree to go out with me (and my sister-in-law was thrilled that I was finally able to convince her to visit.). But I just don't know what is going to happen after that. She goes back and I wait another year for date #2? Then maybe in 4-5 years I can marry her and she can get a green card to find a job up here and leave that shithole, Mexico City? I just don't know what to do. My mind says just get over her, but it seems like it is impossible. If it were possible, I think that after 6 years, my feelings would kind of regress rather than grow so much stronger.

I haven't told her anything about how I feel, because I think it would probably do more harm than good. Seeing as how she is basically stuck in Mexico, if I tell her how I feel, it might make her feel terrible. 'Here it is, I hope you don't feel the same way because there's nothing we can do about it!' I know she wants to get out of there and very few members of her family remain down there, so that gives me some hope. I don't want to pressure her to apply for immigration, because 1. it is very difficult and even dangerous to do and 2. I don't want to say 'quit your wonderful job and come up here to flip burgers' or something like that. Plus, I'd feel terrible if it didn't work out or if she wanted to go back at some point. But we're both 31 years old now. She's single, I'm single. Tick-tock.

So should I just sit back and try to be patient and hope that it doesn't make me go too insane or should I try and risk everything by telling her how I feel about her? I don't want to spill out my heart before we've even been out on one date, especially if it is completely useless and possibly causes hurt feelings. I notice in our emails back and forth that she kind of avoids any personal questions I ask. Red flag, but I still feel like I need to do something. I wish 2012 wasn’t so far away so I could come up with a better idea.

I hope this made sense. I typed it quickly, so I apologize if it seems kind of disjointed.

But, anyways, thanks for reading! And any advice, words of encouragement, discouragement, or any words whatsoever is appreciated!