"Ex" Complications

[Screenplay]

Hey all, I apologize for this lengthy post, but please read and comment on it.

A couple months ago I met a girl at work (Erin) and long story short I got her number after we talked at work here and there for about a month. (Normally I wouldnt date a coworker but both her and I are temps and shes since stopped working there except in a totally different bldg on a different shift due to her college classes). We became pretty aquainted with each other, and through bits a pieces of conversations with her I found that a couple months ago she went out with someone, which broke one of her guy friends heart. Shes known this friend for a couple years but never and doesn't want to date him, but valued him as a friend and didnt want to break his heart and the friendship. She stopped going out with the other guy and offered to take her friend to this company holiday party to mend fences. This was about two weeks ago.

The holiday party was last friday, and her friend wasnt there but she had instead brought a female friend. I didnt ask why her male friend wasnt with her but rather just had a conversation with her and got some positive body language. On Saturday I asked her if she wanted to go out to dinner with me and a group of friends who were going to go out celebrating one of my friends gfs birthday (which in hindsight was a bit too aggressive). She remarked that she went to another party after the company one, got 3 hours sleep, and just worked an 8 hour shift so she was going to nap and told me to call her in a couple hours. I called about two and a half hours later, no answer. I called sunday evening just to chat, no answer, left a message.

Didnt hear anything from her or anything about it at all until a mutual friend of ours at work asked me how things were doing on wednesday, and I told her how I hadnt heard from erin and about the weekends events. She said that sounded odd, and shed let me know if she found anything out as to why erin suddenly stopped talking. However, she mentioned that on the day of the company party the male friend of erin's stood her up and that might have accounted for something.

Today I talked to the friend again who told me that she had talked to erin and said that erin said she has been really busy with work and school and said "She hasnt called you yet? I told her last night to "Call that guy right now!"", but also said that she is a bit anti-dating right now and my asking her to dinner after the company party drama might have been a case of bad timing (Though, I didnt know about the "stood-up" thing until after the fact).

However, later on today she came into work early and I actually saw and talked to her in person, and she apologized for not calling me back as she smiled and looked down. I wanted to talk to her in more private circumstances so I asked her to give me a call either today or tomorrow. She said that she had to work until later on this evening and then promised shed make dinner for her roommates, but never finished the sentence.



In a nutshell, I know I scared her by being too aggressive too soon, but I didn't know the extent of the recent drama in her life until after the damage was done. When I asked her out to dinner I was just hoping to see her and talk to her as I would rather do that then talk to a person on the phone, but never actually said that and thus the predicament. I am hoping she calls me today or tomorrow as I am not sure if me calling her yet again would be a good idea. This leaves me with my two questions:

1) How can I mend these fences, so to speak? I am interested in her, but in the meantime how do I let her know that I am not trying to pressure her into a relationship but rather just want to be friends for now? Is it possible to ask someone out for coffee or something just as friends, or would that still be a bad idea?

2) Is there a way to know when she is ready to get into a relationship again? In the meantime Im perfectly happy to just be friends with her and am perfectly content with waiting, but is there any signs to look for or is it just a matter of "knowing"?

The last time I dated was in high school, and ive found that dating changes significantly between that and the real world. Any advice is appreciated.

[Screenplay]

Well, Ive decided im going to call her tomorrow once she gets off work and try to clear the air, but how far should I go with this? What would constitute being too pushy, i.e. should I tell her how I feel but that we can/should just remain friends for now, or should i just mention the friends part? If I have to leave a message, do I ask her to call me, do that but with a hint of importance, or simply give a nutshell version of things (Which would be impersonal as hell, but its an option)?

[Cybog]

So how did the phone call go?

As far as this situation goes you need to do one thing for me - Slow the hell down. All too many guys out there get wrapped up in this ideas of "working" a date or a relationship out of a girl, effectively forgetting that there are a billion or so other women out there.

You need to take things a day at a time. Don't go crazy over this chick who you hardly know. Sure, you let her know that you are somewhat interested in her, but don't sell yourself short by ignoring the fact that there is a world of opportunity for you out there aside from her.

The more you obsess over this chick, call her and pester her by "flirting", the more turned off she is going to get. The signals are there. You have made your move. Step back and let her make hers.

Give things a week or so, intentionally not really talking to her. See if she says anything to you, or makes any kind of effort or advances for you.

This is how you will know if she actually wants to be with you. Very few girls want a guy that just falls into their lap, unless they are controlling bitches. That's why so many guys are confused by their behaviours. Girls like guys who are edgy, spontaneous, exciting....etc.

Not a guy who is a pussy and calls them every day. Let this broad know you aren't just some desperate sap trying to shower her with attention. And aside from that, actuall step aside for a few days and realize one thing - There a shitload more fish in the sea. Keep fishing.

[Screenplay]

Heh, well it really didnt go that well. Basically when I called she didnt seem to really want to talk and came up with a few vague reasons that she would be too busy to talk over the weekend. It still strikes me as odd given how vastly different she is acting now as opposed to before, but after talking to her for that short time period in person on Thurs and calling her on Sat (A week after I had called her last) Ive decided that the ball is firmly in her court now and Im just taking a couple steps back and seeing what/if she does anything.

Otherwise, Ive been finding ways to get back into the dating scene. I might start going to the gym with a friend of mine, have thought about joining a co-ed softball team, and just recently found out about a singles organization in my town that has almost weekly events. I figure Ill enjoy just getting out and mingling anyway (or getting into better shape as the case may be), figuring that theres no use waiting around for her to call if she never intends to and if she does ill have been enjoying myself in the meantime.

[knightlionheart]

Listen dude, there's a whole lotta stuff u did wrong here...why the hell u wanna b her friend for?? What r u gonna tell people....guess what i just screwed my friend yesterday, man it was fine....blah blah??? man get that whole mindset of yers changed....ok here's a tip try kino/kinesthetics...well its keeping constant touch with person physically and man it works or what...ok well what u should have done is like gotten to just about the point where u make her feel that ur an exciting person and stuff!! well u should have just said that u could meet up another time and stuff, when she started giving excuses, and then the next time u meet her give her a hug, a slightly friendly hug, when u meet, and slowly progress!! that way u got into her personal space, and she would start getting comfortable with u...well this is kinda slow as opposed to instant attraction!! well all the best dude!!

[Cybog]

I see a whole lot of words, but don't really have any idea what any of them mean.