Confusion! Head absolutely Battered...

[cheekymonkey_la]

Hi all..New to the forum..I have a really complicated situation on my hands and wonder if you guys could offer some advice.

Il start from the beginning. Basically..I have been going out with a girl for 8 months, she has a young daughter who is 5. When we got together I couldnt believe she was even interested in me because we have known eachother since we were around 14 but I havent seen her for some years. The first few months were great..we couldnt stop taking to eachother and we loved being together and after about 1 month we were telling eachother we "loved" eachother and that we had never found anyone like eachother before and that this was so unique. Anyway, things moved really fast...I ended up moving in after three months. I have never lived out of home before so this was a really really big step for me. Especially seeing as she has a daughter. In the year and a half previous to this I was so used to being on my own and doing my own thing. I adore this girl...she is the only girl I have ever been with who I have 100% trusted with my life, and she is so loyal, she would do anything for me and I would do anything for her. When we got together we kind of had to skip that whole dating side of things and we just ended up being like a married couple, obviously alot of this is because she has a child and she cannot just go out on dates to please herself like a childless girl can do. So we went head first into it. But regardless I was happy with this and felt it was right. She is the first girl I have ever been with where I have actually thought "this is the one this is going to last a lifetime" but I have found that this feeling is making me over think everything! Il spend whole days on end thinking..."what if i change my mind" and questioning things like "do I really love her? am I really even sure what love is?"

To add to the pressure of it all, focusing on the future far too much instead of enjoying the present and taking things slow, we ended up completely ripping out her house because it was in dire need of refurbishment and this has only further added to the pressure of the relationship because we have no base to relax and enjoy. A short while ago I went to visit family a long way away without her and found myself questioning over and over in my head if this is what i want, I couldnt pin it down whether I love her to the degree of spending the rest of my life with her and it was killing me I was in tears because I absolutely adore the girl. We have had around three occations where I have had little periods where I`am overthinking everything too much and I really feel if I could just relax I would have found the best girl I could ever ask for. I look at other girls and I just think nobody matches up to her and everything about her. So why am I overthinking and having these silly doubts about my feelings?

I try and figure things out in my head but I end up getting heachaches and just making things worse.We are having a kind of break from it at the minute to see if I can sort my head out; but I really feel deep down that if I lose this girl I will regret it for the rest of my life...I have moved back home and said to her that if we try again we need to take it alot slower and see how it pans out but she obviously thinks that I will just start overthinking again and start questioning it but I look at this girl and I think I want this to work so much, but I think my overthinking is stopping me from just enjoying it and loving her like I should be.

When I think about us not being together it makes me so sad. I feel empty inside and feel like I have no direction in life..when I go to bed at night I just wish she was there besides me and there when I wake up.

Can you love someone and just let yourself overthink everything so much and question everything that you stop yourself from knowing? Can you cloud your own judgement on these things?

Just wondered if anyone had some advice for me because I dont want to lose this girl :-( I just want to be happy with her and enjoy it.

[smackie9]

You have only been together for a few months.......there is no need to think aboiut the future at this point in your relationship. Relax and only think about the here and now......its not like you are getting married tomorrow.....wait about 3 or 4 years, then think about it. The problem is that you should have not moved in together.....seriously there was no point to it, you could have worked at getting a sitter to go out and spent time alone as a couple. There would have been ways around it if you had put some thought into it.

It might be a good idea to move out and get a place or your own. You have never done this before so I can see why you are in panic mode. You have pushed a 3 year relationship into 3 months. The best thing for you to do is express your feelings to her and discuss making some changes......communication is key for a relationship to hold together...you shouldn't be keeping this from her. She might be thinking the same thing you never know unless you two sit down and talk.