Boyfriend and I broke up due to my health issues.

[Cerulean.]

Hey everyone. Not really here to look for advice... more so here to just let out some feelings I have because I'm pretty broken right now.

A little background: I've had anxiety and stomach issues since I was 10. In 2008 I learned to deal with it a lot better to where I'd only feel sick about once a month as opposed to every few days. 2009, I had a great job which was where I met my boyfriend who had just moved 3000 miles to where I live, and was new to the area, and I was incredibly happy. He and I moved in together which was a HUGE step for me... he's the only person I ever moved in with. Fast forward to this time last year... work had been busy, I was a lot more stressed and noticed I was feeling very sick to my stomach a lot more lately. It continued to worsen and worsen to the point that I had to quit my job in October. The holidays were awful, I was doing less and less things socially with my boyfriend, and it was hard explaining to him how I felt and how to help me. I had lost a lot of weight because it was hard to keep food down. He was depressed as well because he was away from his family for the first time during the holidays and it didn't help that I was always sick.

After New Years, I saw my regular doctor and a Gastroenterologist. I tried anxiety pills for the first time and it totally ruined my mind. I started getting feelings of being overwhelmed in social environments which is totally not like me at all, and the way I felt mentally was incredibly different. I still had my stomach issues as well. In April, I stopped taking the anxiety medication and was still overly stressed and depressed because nothing had changed stomach wise, but NOW my mind was all f*$%ed. I kept trying to encourage my boyfriend to hangout with friends without me and was always apologizing for feeling this way. He wasn't the type of guy I could really talk to and confide in because he's more of the "Toughen up, you just got to get over it." kind of person. We'd get into fights and I'd say that I don't feel comfortable talking to him because I felt he wasn't really there to listen. He'd feel bad but also say, "I'm not the kind of guy that's going to hug you, rub your back and say 'Everything will be okay.' I grew up having to take care of myself and deal with things by myself..." and it totally turned me off. Not only that, whenever I WOULD attempt to talk to him, he'd take it as me just being "whiny".

We had broken up 4 different times, all involving my health issue and him saying that I was using it as a crutch. And every time after we'd break up, he'd apologize profusely and tell me he's homesick, and that I'm his world. We tried again, but at this point I had been mainly staying with my parents because being at the apartment was a mess. I felt like I was always walking on eggshells with him. It didn't help either that I was all ready feeling so horrible about myself with the situation. I kept thinking, "This is not what a relationship should be like. I need to be with someone who's patient and incredibly supportive of me. They'd want to do everything in their power to make me feel comfortable as well as be an ear." I think that way because that's exactly how I'd be with the one that I love. I wouldn't be using that health issue as something against them.

So now it's June, and I decide to try the gluten free diet. As much as the limited diet seemed totally depressing and incredibly hard to do... I had rather that be the solution just so I could feel NORMAL and do NORMAL THINGS again. I did that from the 1st of June until mid July and quit. There was no change. On the 23rd of July, I finally was able to go out and have a great time with good friends and my boyfriend. We went to a very nice club for our friend's birthday, and that was the evening my boyfriend decided to tell me "You are the girl for me. I love you so very much, I want to marry you. Only thing is, you need to get your sh*t together. Your health issue scares me. I can't support the both of us right now but I want to make this happen. And no pressure or anything... but I want to have kids before I'm 30." He's 28 by the way. That whole conversation scared the crap out of me. No pressure? That puts on a LOT of pressure on me! I loved him, but that night made me feel even more horrible about myself. There was no way I was ever going to marry him and expect him to take care of me... that isn't right what so ever. Either way, I wouldn't marry him until I, myself, had my own health issue taken care of and could independently take care of myself financially. And getting myself to that position wouldn't be for him, I would have done it for myself.

Well... fast forward to a few days ago. Stomach issues were horrible. I hadn't seen him in a week. He had called me, and during that short conversation, I ended it with him. I told him I felt like a waste of a relationship... and he had agreed. He felt it wasn't the most mature thing of him to say, but asked what else was he supposed to do? "What do you expect me to do? Just wait around for God knows how long until you actually get better again?" He told me he loved me and it wasn't what his heart wants, but it's the only logical thing to do. He also said he gave up everything to be with me. When things got tough financially, he still chose to stay here with me and not move back home.

So now it all just sucks. Again, it's hard to explain every little thing because this is a forum, and no one can live to see both sides of the situation. I just wish I could fast forward to where I am okay with this being over and get over this heartache. I'm always trying to see the positives even though I am at such a low part in my life. Though I feel this was the right choice for the both of us. He had his needs due to the fact that he doesn't have many friends here as he does back at his home, thus why he always kept wanting me to get better and give him a lot more attention than I actually could. And I just wanted someone whom I love to help me through this with as little stress as possible... to make me feel comfortable and be an open ear and shoulder to cry on when needed. It's tough going through something like this. I just wish he could have seen that instead of throwing my issue in my face all the time.

Blah. Thanks for reading. Sorry it's so long.

[Enchanté]

i know you said you don't really need advice, but from this small summary of your relationship, i can at least agree with you that this was the right choice. And i know that doesn't make it any easier or suck less, but still--take comfort in knowing that this is a healthy step for you in the right direction. you do deserve someone who will support you no matter what--and it doesn't matter how "tough" a person is, sometimes you just need to be comforted, rubbed on the back, and told it's going to be ok. It's just human. Best of luck to you, keep on going, you sound strong and steadfast, and you'll be fine, just give it time.

[Wakeup]

Sorry for your pain but have you tried speaking to a therapist about your anxiety and stomach issues? No one should have to percervere with vomiting to the point that they can't work. Or; am I not understanding here and the gluton free diet worked?

If you get to the bottom of it and get it worked out you'll not have to go through this again if you discover your guy can't cope. Many men don't want to be care takers. Harsh as that may be, it's true.

Did your guy know you had this problem before he moved to be with you or did you just develop it after he arrived?

[Kiechi]

Good decision. Sounds like someone who'd be quick to blame (you) if anything went wrong. Also, the whole toughen up mentality in regard to your health issue is something you shouldn't put up with. It's bad enough in life being dealt shitty cards, but to have someone blame you for it is just a waste of time and life.

Congratulations, you have done yourself a favour.

[IndiReloaded]

What? First of all you DO sound like a pain in the ass. "Cerulean" and then all these issues? This guy has a point.

I'm not saying your don't have health problems but you also need therapy. I agree with WakeUp. Your mental state isn't suitable for a healthy relationship at this time, sorry. If I were a guy I'd run fast too. Sort yourself out, first then see what you can offer another person in a relationship. Good luck.

[Kyrina]

Cerulean *hugs* i know how your feeling i have MS and a diseased spine my bf knew about my spine before he moved in with me and then we fount out about the MS together for a while he was fantastic loving and caring then oh sex has to stop it cause you to much pain im like WTF, well know i know he was cyber sexing with some one on the pc believed i was stupid pc illiterate to know or see his body language changes.
*HUGS* i say all of us that dont have that one with us blah whatever but to those who are loving selfless i hope your ill partner realises how lucky they are we could all do with someone like you

[Wakeup]

Cerulean *hugs* i know how your feeling i have MS and a diseased spine my bf knew about my spine before he moved in with me and then we fount out about the MS together for a while he was fantastic loving and caring then oh sex has to stop it cause you to much pain im like WTF, well know i know he was cyber sexing with some one on the pc believed i was stupid pc illiterate to know or see his body language changes.
*HUGS* i say all of us that dont have that one with us blah whatever but to those who are loving selfless i hope your ill partner realises how lucky they are we could all do with someone like you

Kyrina: I'm sorry for your ill health however; OP: Is all psychological by the sounds of things. She needs psycological help and shouldn't (IMO) be blaming any man for leaving her for expecting her to try and help herself and overcome her anxiety and chronic vomiting. The way she's acting is akin to you not treating your MS and expecting your man to watch you deteriorate when there is help out there for you that you refuse to utilize.

She's been puking since she was 10 and no doctor has been able to find anything physiologically wrong with her? Perhaps she should work on herself by getting the psyche looked into and quit expecting men to save her from herself.

Hugs to you, Kyrina.

[Kyrina]

Wakeup you know i appreciate all your help and advice hunny.
It is as you say but even so OP's psychological illness is still representing its self in a physical fashion maybe not to the extent of some illnesses but it still has a devastating effect to her

*hugs back wakeup you know i love em
I do agree she needs to utilize the help available maybe im just to bitter on loser and cheaters atm

[Cerulean.]

Thanks everyone.

Wakeup, thanks for the advice. I don't, at all, want a man "to save me". At all. This thread was just supposed to be for me to be able to vent and wallow because I do love him and it's hard. Break ups suck. He and I didn't work out because, yes, I need to take care of this issue. It's not like I went into the relationship having this issue as bad as it is now. My boyfriend and I were friends for half a year before we got together, and he knew about my stomach issues as well. Only thing with him, he wasn't really so sensitive about it, so it caused a lot more stress on me for many different reasons. I for one was NEVER looking to him to find the "answers" for me. I was looking to him for support and comfort, as he was the man I loved... but I didn't really get that from him.

As for talking to a psychiatrist or therapist... they cost a crap load of money, and I don't have the funds to drop in order to talk to them. No insurance, either. Again, I'm just sad and bitter about this break up, but I have a very positive attitude/mindset about trying to overcome this issue I have.

[Wakeup]

Thanks everyone.

Wakeup, thanks for the advice. I don't, at all, want a man "to save me". At all. This thread was just supposed to be for me to be able to vent and wallow because I do love him and it's hard. Break ups suck. He and I didn't work out because, yes, I need to take care of this issue. It's not like I went into the relationship having this issue as bad as it is now. My boyfriend and I were friends for half a year before we got together, and he knew about my stomach issues as well. Only thing with him, he wasn't really so sensitive about it, so it caused a lot more stress on me for many different reasons. I for one was NEVER looking to him to find the "answers" for me. I was looking to him for support and comfort, as he was the man I loved... but I didn't really get that from him.

As for talking to a psychiatrist or therapist... they cost a crap load of money, and I don't have the funds to drop in order to talk to them. No insurance, either. Again, I'm just sad and bitter about this break up, but I have a very positive attitude/mindset about trying to overcome this issue I have.

Well, I do wish you luck with over-coming, Doll. How about group therapy or contacting your local Mental Health Hot Line to get some advice on who will see you or what your Government *snorts* can do to help you with this issue. Perhaps even going back to your GP and asking him for some guidance on this????

Be proactive surely just the way this manifests itself is enough to motivate you to find an answer (?)

Good luck with it in any event.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, vent away then. Certainly cheaper than a counsellor or meds. Just remember you get what you pay for on here.

[KingZ]

Well, I do wish you luck with over-coming, Doll.

God, you remind me of Indi.

What is it with Canadian women being overly aggressive and retarded?

[IndiReloaded]

I'm insulted, N. At least I know how to spell the large words I use.

[Wakeup]

What a couple of snobs.

[Wakeup]

God, you remind me of Indi.

What is it with Canadian women being overly aggressive and retarded?

Does this mean you're manic or depressive at the moment?