What does my ex girlfriend's self destructive behavior mean?

[swimmer4life]

This is my first time on a forum, so hopefully someone can help me out.

My girlfriend of nearly a year dumped me at the beginning of the summer, after she found out that i was texting another girl i met down the shore (I never actually did anything with the other girl). Our relationship was great, so obviously she was extremely hurt when she found out the news. I did everything i could to say i was sorry and try to get her to forgive me. I wrote her, her parents and her older brother an appology letter saying how sorry i was and how I'm really not a bad kid at heart. Eventually she asked me for space, so i had no other choice but to give it to her. About a week after our breakup she started hanging out with another guy and has been "together" with him throughout the summer. To my luck, the kid and i work at the same place -___-. Anyway, the kid she's been hanging with smokes cigarettes and weed, and i found out that my ex has been smoking weed with him, something she totally despised while we were dating. She's told me that she's become a stronger person since our breakup and has been having a lot of fun. But i don't see how you can be saying ur stronger and at the same time be getting high, something she used to hate. I also found out recently that she hooked up with this kid down the shore while she was drunk at prom weekend, while we were still dating. Lastly, i sent her a homemade birthday card (something we would make for eachother on holidays and anniversarys and stuff). This was a few weeks after our breakup and i got a text the next day from her thanking me for the card and asking me if we can get together before we go away to college.

At the beginning of our breakup i wanted her back so bad and would do anything to have her, but now after hearing how much she's changed and doing things she would've never done before our breakup, i almost don't know if i want to see her before i move away to college. Of course i still love her so it's becoming a more and more difficult decision to make. So i guess my main question is why is my ex acting like this and having such self destructive behavior after our breakup? She's gone from being this quiet, innocent and loving girl into this almost polar opposite person. I really do love her and I'm starting to get worried about her. If anyone has any idea whats going on please help!

[tomtom8p]

First of all, congratulations, You already know that you don't want her back and that is huge. So many people (including myself) want their ex back to their own detriment.

I don't know the full story here but if you were just texting another girl and so soon after your break up she was hanging out with another guy regularly I would think that she was just looking for a reason to break up with you. Maybe it was because your both going to live in different places so soon, maybe she likes this other guy. whatever the reason it doesn't matter to you anymore because you 2 are over. I know you love and care about her but she is going to live her own life and make her own choices.

You have to make this choice for yourself, but I would recommend that you not see her. If you feel that you are emotionally strong enough to see her again then go for it. But seeing her again could make you really sad and even want her back, which would be a huge step backwards.

As for why she's acting like this there could be any number of reasons. I suspect that she could be getting more confident with herself, or at least thinks she is. This could be her trying to come out of a shell that she has been in. Maybe she is rebelling. Maybe this other guy is just a bad influence on her. Unfortunately I don't have a clear answer for you, all I can tell you is that she dumped you. She's not your problem anymore so try and stop worrying about her, easier said than done, I know

[Enigmos]

Both genders engage in self-destructive behavior when they don't want to face the pain that they're going through. As you wrote, she described her behavior as "fun." It could be to mask a real pain. Good luck.

[swimmer4life]

That is exactly why I'm so confused. Its impossible to tell if shes hanging with this guy as a rebound and smoking as a way to get back at me and make me jealous, or she's doing it for a totally different reason. I feel seeing her one last time could answer all my questions, but at the same time finding out all these things about her is making me indecisive on seeing her one last time. I wouldnt say that im totally over her and im back and forth on getting back with her if the chance ever presented itself. it obviously wouldnt be soon because were both going off to college, but who knows what the future holds. I also have a feeling she might play the friends card when we meet which is another issue. i still have sooo many questions ughhhhhhhhhhhh!!

[simmo]

she's experimenting. Just cut all contact. She's not your problem anymore. Her bad choices are hers and hers alone. Do not stress about it. Don't meet up with her. Don't contact her at all. Carry on and enjoy college.

p.s. There's nothing wrong with weed.

[Wakeup]

Its impossible to tell if shes hanging with this guy as a rebound and smoking as a way to get back at me and make me jealous, or she's doing it for a totally different reason.

How about it has nothing to do with you and she's just moving on? Smoking dope IMO is no worse than drinking alcohol and for some inexplainable reason, the government allows one but bans another. It's well known and documented that alcohol destroys lives and breaks up marriages and families and ruins health yet they still allow it's legality?

How about you try to accept that this relationship is over and go to school and get your degree while you pursue other woman who are more compatible to you. She's changing (and there is no indication that she's self destructing) and you are no longer suitable for one another. Least that's how I see things from this and your other post.

I'm with Simmo: What she does and with whom is none of your business now.

im back and forth on getting back with her if the chance ever presented itself. it obviously wouldnt be soon because were both going off to college, but who knows what the future holds.

yea, well why don't you just relax and see what the future holds instead of trying to control the present?