Can't get this out of my Head....Help!

[jcole99]

My girlfriend and I have been together what will be 2 years next month. I love her very much, although it is long distance currently, she has been talking engagement and relocating to me. There is something about this relationship that bothers me, and by bothers me I mean that I think about it every day and become very angry/upset/dissapointed. When we first started dating, after about 3 weeks I had broken up with her. I had been sick and wanted her to stay in with me but instead she chose to go out with her roommate to a party. I will admit that I am very jealous and had overreacted and said some mean things and told her that i didnt want to see her anymore. In my messed up mind, i was letting her know that when i tell her something she should listen to me. It was hard for me since i just got out of a long relationship where i always had that person there for me if needed. I guess me n the new girl werent that close yet. Well, that weekend I went home and came back on sunday night. ( I was in college at this time) I had by now apologized and said i wanted to see her. She agreed that we could continue hanging out, however she could not that particular night. THe next night when we hung out i learned that she was with a group of people and hanging out with one guy in particular. This made me very angry and she played this game where she hung out with both of us for about 3 weeks. During this time i had hung out with me ex a few times and we had fooled around (no sex). I eventually said that i was done and that she had to choose to be only with me or i did not want to see her anymore. SHe chose to be with me and ended things with the other guy. Things went well in our relationship after that for about a year. I had got a new apartment and it was close to a bunch of female friends of mine from the past. My gf did not like this and the fact that I would hang out with them (not personally but in groups). This made me mad, my last semester of school I wanted to enjoy myself and hang out with my friends, who always hung out with these girls across the street. SO i broke up with her again. This only lasted a week but i did not talk to her in that time. SHe told me that she had hung out with a boy from class a few times and they had kissed once and he stayed over but she did not touch him. We struggled after that and broke up pry once a week for a few months. In this time, she had kissed another boy while out at the bar on 3 occasions although she claims it was never while we were technically together. Fast forward one year and here I am today, I just moved to a new city where I landed a great job. SHe lives about 7 hours away also with a great job. I love here so much but am very confused. I can not stop thinking about the things she has done. She swears to me that I am the only man she has had sex with since we first met. I dont know what to do. I believe her, but I have doubts when i am sitting here in my new apt all alone. I think about the man she dated while dating me for 3 weeks. SHe slept in the same bed as him about ten times, but claims she did nothing. I worry that there are many other guys that I dont know about or that she is lying about not having sex wih them. I believe her because it took us about 3 months before we first had sex. Sometimes I think that after she started hanging out with that 1st guy i should have walked away from this. But now i am in love with her. SHe talks about engagement and moving in together. I think about that and would love it but i always have thoughts about what she did. I am having trouble getting over what she says she did, what if it is more tho. In my mind, I feel that kissing another person is a big deal. Is it? or is this something that i should get over and move on in this relationship? and if so, how do i get over it? Please advise

[HeartIsAching]

How exactly do you "hang out with", "be there for/with" or "break up with" somebody that's just words on a screen?

Go ahead and "Break up" with her. Go out and find a girl in RL that is an actual flesh-and-blood girl in your local area. Try not to be controlling anymore.

[Cerby]

I see humor in the fact you were messing around with your ex during those same 3 weeks and are faulting her for seeing someone else. Dating isn't exclusive until you declare it to be so, thats the way of the current world of dating.

Considering you haven't exactly been prince charming yourself, and now you're doubting the relationship for this that are way in the past, I suggest you dump her and seek therapy for your insecurities, because you clearly have some issues.

[jcole99]

THank you for the reply, I know what you are saying. If we ever have the slightest disagreement, she doesnt even try to resolve the actual problem she just asks, "are we together" or "are u breaking up with me". The thing that gets me is that i would have to know it is over before i could actually be with another person. ANd being together almost 2 years, i think it should be a litte deeper than as you say words on a screen. I think the decision to stop seeing one another should be a longer decision making process between both parties. I think the part of me that holds on is that I am new to this town. I do not know one person, I am 23, the youngest coworker that works in the office is 31 and she is married with 3 kids.

[all alone]

Gah, you're a handful.. you get pissed off at her for hanging w other guys after YOU broke up with her.. yet when shes upset you are hanging out w chicks when you are still dating, you think she crossed the line?.. Breaking up once a month for a few months?.. this is a totally dysfunctional relationship..