Is it normal?

[lunderscoreids]

Is it normal to get mad at your boyfriend for not wanting to have sex with you? Im 22 and he is 25, which i dont find i problem there, except maybe his sex drive. He has been stressed about finding a new job and a paycheck coming in the mail, along with the gas in his house not getting turned on due to the pipes leaking. The check came in the mail, but the job search hasent even happened. The pipes are gonna get fixed. Ive let him shower at my place all week, ive fed him, took him out, and the only thing i asked for was to have sex last night. It failed, and then led to us fighting pretty badly.

I dont know if im just crazy for getting mad or if its just him. But it has always been like this no matter if there were stressors in his life or not.

Advice?

[maxmax]

You can't force him to have sex with you.

And just because you have done so much for him during the week doesn't mean you 'deserve' sex, or that he has a 'duty' to give it to you.

If it is him simply being lazy, then that's one thing.

However, if he is genuinely stressed and having a hard time, then he simply might not feel up to it.

You adding to his problems by insisting he 'give' you sex, and then argue about it, is a bad move.

If I had a girlfriend in his shoes, I'd understand if she wasn't feeling particularly sexually charged. Even if I didn't understand, accept it and support her.

If it became a long-term problem, then it would need some resolving.

[Junket]

Women can be soothed to feel better about their issues, regardless of whether they solve them.

Men need to fix their issues.

[Phoenix23]

And just because you have done so much for him during the week doesn't mean you 'deserve' sex, or that he has a 'duty' to give it to you.

That is wrong.

In a relationship, both have a duty to satisfy the other sexually to a reasonable extent.

If one fails to deliver in this then they are inviting trouble as one partner will either be miserable or driven to seek out what they need elsewhere.

[MaidenMinx]

That is wrong.

In a relationship, both have a duty to satisfy the other sexually to a reasonable extent.

If one fails to deliver in this then they are inviting trouble as one partner will either be miserable or driven to seek out what they need elsewhere.

So no one has the right to say "not tonight?"

[MaidenMinx]

If this is an ongoing problem you need to discuss it calmly with him.

Hubby and I went through a phase where he was just too tired and stressed (shitty job that he was working at about 70 hours a week) and I was rejected quite frequently. It depressed me horribly and made me feel undesirable. So I talked to him about it! Turned out that by asking as often as I did (once a week or so) I was adding to his tension and it was having an emasculating effect on him.

If he's not working there is a possibility your man is not feeling very manly at the moment so is not feeling up to the task of satisfying you.

[devonbrown]

Stress can cause a lot of problems in people, even lowering someone's sexual drive significantly.

However, if it has "always been like this" like you said, then there are more serious issues in your relationship. For example, why are you with him?

I agree that you should sit down and talk to him about this. But do it calmly and in a non-accusatory way. You two are in a relationship, so you have to deal with issues together, not throwing arguments at one another.

Good luck.

[HeartIsAching]

That is wrong.

In a relationship, both have a duty to satisfy the other sexually to a reasonable extent.

If one fails to deliver in this then they are inviting trouble as one partner will either be miserable or driven to seek out what they need elsewhere.

No it isn't. Sex is never a duty or obligation. If he's not giving it to her often enough that's a problem, but it's not his duty.

[HeartIsAching]

It sounds to me as if his sex drive differs from your radically. There's absolutely nothing you can do to change this. If it's too big of an issue for you, you'd be better off calling it quits now. If you can live with it, then do so, but getting angry with him over it will have the opposite effect - I guarantee it.