In love, long read, for patient readers.

[James89]

Ok so I'm sure you scrolled down really quick to see how long this is so you know it's pretty long. It seems longer in text then in dialect, but still there is alot to it and every piece of detail has to count. So here is the deal. I've already found the girl I want to spend my life with. I'm young, going on 22, but don't let that fool you, I am pretty mature. I have never been the type to date and sleep around haphazardly because I'm a very serious person. I am usually pretty particular about what I like in a girl because as opposed to alot of young males who are looking for a good time, I'm strictly looking for the "right" one. I feel like there's no time to waste, though I realize now I probably should have dated around more in the past, just for the experience, because now I'm not sure I know what I'm doing.

I've only known this girl for a few years now, and I met her through my job which I'm still currently working at, and she has since left. This girl, who is also my age, is into serious relationships as well. She has in fact had only 2 serious relationships, each about 1-2 years in duration. When I applied at my job, she had just broken up with her 1st relationship, for she discovered the guy had cheated on her multiple times, with guys and girls.. so she took it kinda hard. She shortly after rebounded into her second 2 year relationship with a yugoslavian prick. This is when I first started getting to know her, and to be quite honest I didn't really like her too much. I think I just caught her at a bad time in her life, and it just didn't seem like she had it together. She for some reason took an interest in me though, and as much as I repelled she persisted to talk and wanted to hang out. I said what about your boyfriend (the rebound), but she said most of her friends are guys and he's aware of this so he wont trip. At this point I had an idea of her attraction towards me, but I didn't like her like that, at the time anyways.

Over time though, I started to like her more, and we flirted alot at work, and we kind of touched alot. So one night, she, and a friend of ours (coworker), and I were closing shifts at our work and decided to drink a little in the parking lot once we got off, about midnight. We had hung out before, but this night was different for her. After our friend got sick in the parking lot and wen't home, this girl and I decided to continue hanging out because we could handle our liquor. We were talking, getting to know eachother a little better and getting along great, and tension was building. This wasn't the first time we were alone together, but it was the first that we had a little drink in our system. It wasn't too much, maybe 3 to 4 shots each, not hammered or anything. I have morals, and I didn't want me or her to do anything that would be unethical, considering that she had a boyfriend. I wouldn't want someone to do it to me right? But then shit got a little dirty. No sex, but it was definitely passionate. After a little bit of that we stopped, said whoops, and parted ways for the night.

Everything at work after that was normal, she said sorry about the other night and I shrugged nbd. We continued to flirt and get a little physical at work, so the attraction was still there on both sides. The next week it happened again, this time it started out as an intense body massage and escalated to making out to me biting her nipples. We were not drunk this time, mind you. I always told myself I should stop, it's wrong, basically just because she had a boyfriend. One night they got into some fight and we were all going to some party, I gave her a lift and her bf knew but didn't seem to care. That night she was definitely feelin me, and I hadn't really drank much, just smoked some weed. She drank quite a few though I believe, and while I was driving her home she kept thanking me for everything, like driving her to and from, and being a good friend, yada yada. So I wanted to play it cool because I knew where it was heading and I promised myself I wouldn't. She started confessing things in the car, about how she really liked me and thought about me all the time.. up until this point I thought she just wanted me as a fun thing, but some of the stuff she was saying implied more than that. I didn't really feel mutual on that level, so I didn't really know what to say. I took her home and I told her the next day when we were sober that we needed to stop, and she agreed.

[James89]

...The tension was still there for both of us, but I knew we shouldn't, so we pushed through it. After a while I just looked at her as a coworker, wasn't sure what she was thinking at the time because I tried to not think about it. Eventually we started hanging out more again, and getting to know eachother alot better. As I got to know her, the more things we found out we had in common. We got along really great, we still do. At this time I was realizing that I was falling for her, and when we started up again that's when it was different, for me anyways. Her and her bf had issues I was aware of this, it was culture clash really. Any outsider could see it wasn't going to work out, but this girl is the self-concious, paranoid type, doesn't want to dump him at risk of being alone. At this point I was trying to stray her away from him and to me.

Once I had opened myself up to her, things were on and off from her, one minute she's fine towards me everythings great, and the next she's stand offish, acts like we were just two distant coworkers. I wasn't sure how she felt or if she knew exactly how I felt, so one night after work I told her. She said she has feelings for me, very vague right? She said she wanted to work it out with her boyfriend but at the same time she doesn't know what the future holds.. so I said fine. So it hurt, alot.. and after that she was mostly "off" again, for a month anyways. Then her parents, who she was staying with, were relocating due to her father moving around for the navy. She wasn't going to move out of state, so she needed to find a roommate and somewhere to live. Her bf didn't want to move with her for whatever reasons, and even suggested she moved away and maybe it was for the best, prick right? At this point she found a new job, was still working at ours as well. Then our boss pissed her off so she quit, so after that I didn't see her too often for a few months.

She found a place and a roommate, and after they had signed the lease the roommate had backed out. Her bf moved in with her because he felt bad or whatever, but then he threw a hissy fit the whole time, cussed at her, got a little physical, so she called me for advice. I told her to kick him out, so she did. After that I started giving her reassurance and stuff, still trying to be a good friend if anything, cause I still had strong feelings for her. She then asked me to come over a few times. I knew the deal, she was rebounding, and I'm not gonna lie I wanted some, but a weak part of me said screw it I like spending time with her even if it's temporary. So I went over there a few times, and one night I put it in her.. and it was good but really drunken sex and stopped short because I can't go when I'm drunk.. The next time I wen't over she offered to make me dinner, and i brought wine and movies. It was a pretty amazing evening, we pretty much acted as if we were a couple that night, but in the back of my mind I knew it might not last, and I didn't want to be a rebound either. So afterwards we went to bed, and for a while she went down on me and I went down on her. She claimed she wanted to have sex but she couldn't because she was on lady-time, which I'm still not sure if that was an excuse for her just being self conscious or whatever else it may be, but nevertheless we had a good time and we cuddled and talked all night. The next morning I had to goto work and she kept saying how she wanted me to stay, but I couldn't, gotta make the bread. During breakfast we discussed what was going on, to put in words what we were doing exactly. She said she had always been attracted to me but didn't want to rush, because she claimed she needed time to be single and find herself, which makes sense I suppose, she had been in back-to-back long relationships since she was out of highschool. She kept saying she felt bad and did not want to make me wait around for her, and I said I really liked her and I would wait.. don't know if that was the right thing to say but it is true to an extent. I mentioned how nothing was official, so we shouldn't be hesitant if we each wanted to see other people.. I didn't like saying that, but I mean it is true that we aren't official. So I went to work, and since then we've maintained to text eachother almost daily, seemingly normal. Seeing her is not easy because it's a bit of a commute to her place, so we've stuck to the phone.

Recently it's been on and off with her again, and then it just recently became her not texting me unless I text her first. I also work with her new roommate, so I happen to hear that she's been hanging out with one of her old friends, apparently "alot." I didn't ask for details, because I don't want to be like that, plus this roommate apparently has a huge crush on me so I don't want to make her feel weird. I know me and this girl aren't official so I guess I shouldn't be mad about her hanging out with this guy, who she's apparently been good friends with since longer than I've known her. - So the story goes this guy freaked her out one day by confessing his love to her, and after being rejected he pulled some shiesty stuff like stalking her... Maybe theyre just talking again in a friends kind of way, but maybe it's more.. which is what worries me, especially since he's a creep. Plus this guy doesn't have anything going for him he has no job, no life, and no prospects, and I know she's into the more goal oriented responsible type (me btw.) So I'm not sure what to think about this guy, if I should worry or not.

So that's the point I'm at now, and I haven't texted or called her in a week, and she hasn't texted or called me either. I still really like her the same as I always have and always will, but I also have dignity and I'm not gonna take this her leading me on and playing this on&off shlt with me either. Last time we discussed our feelings she said "whatever happens, happens, but it feels forced and I don't want to rush things." So I don't want to go all out and be like "look, blah blah blah I'm not havin this. i like you, i need to know how you feel", because we've already done that, which lead her to say "not trying to rush things" But at the same time I don't want to be waiting around wondering, if I should be coming to terms with the fact that it's not gonna happen.. so at this point I feel lost, I need to know what to do. I want to marry this girl because I'm in love with her and always will. But I obviously can't do that until she matures up and stops being indecisive about what she wants. I really can't explain how it is when we're together, because for those of you who are in love should just know what I'm talking about, I mean it's just.. really good. So I want to do everything I can, if i can. Advice?

[Vanity]

"So I don't want to go all out and be like "look, blah blah blah I'm not havin this. i like you, i need to know how you feel"

But that's exactly what you should be doing. Don't be pushy but let her know that you love her and want to be there for her but can't do that until she decides what she wants. Then leave her alone, give her space. Maybe she will realize she misses you. If not then you can

1) Decide to wait around for her until she does realize she wants you, which might never happen and probably won't go your way from the sound of things. Your right about her needing to grow up. Ask yourself if you really love this girl and are you willing to wait for something that might never come. If not, the the only other thing you can do is...


2)Move on.

[James89]

Thanks for the responses. I also have one more additional question, her birthday is coming up and I've been planning on having some particular flowers sent to her house that I know she'd like. At the moment I'm not talking to her, since she hasn't been talking to me... I still want to send the flowers but I don't know if I should now because it kind of contradicts with what I'm aiming at with this plan of not talking to her. I wasn't planning on putting my name on the flowers either. I'm just curious as if that was a good idea or not, even though despite your response(s), I will most likely still do it.

-Update: also if she is still not talking to me by then should I not bother wishing her a happy bd, or is that a bit too asshole..

[Rabbitt]

Thanks for the responses. I also have one more additional question, her birthday is coming up and I've been planning on having some particular flowers sent to her house that I know she'd like. At the moment I'm not talking to her, since she hasn't been talking to me... I still want to send the flowers but I don't know if I should now because it kind of contradicts with what I'm aiming at with this plan of not talking to her. I wasn't planning on putting my name on the flowers either. I'm just curious as if that was a good idea or not, even though despite your response(s), I will most likely still do it.

Didn't read the whole story but I was in the exact same situation you describe in this post, she did not talk to me and I didnt talk to her, YET I DID send the flowers.
She's still my ex and she's still not talking to me.

Just saying.

[Ric]

If you want more people to read it you might want to paragraph it and all. Few people like reading textblocks.

[James89]

Yea didn't really want to send the flowers in hopes of winning her over or something, but I feel you. I just don't want to look dumb doing it, and make things worse.

[Rabbitt]

Well after everything I did to help her and be there for her, I send flowers as my last resort. Now I even look more like a jack ass than I already did before.


Whoever said flowers work must be retarted because they don't.

[James89]

So I've been told I should give up with this girl because she's too indecisive, but at the same time I hear that it's the man's job to chase the girl, which still my natural instinct. The only reason I'm hesitant to end this is maybe she doesn't feel like i'm doing enough of the chasing.. but i'm also afraid of being too pushy.