Help, I have an addictiong

**bombboy85** · 16-08-11, 05:35 PM

Believe me I know how bad this is, it's cause me a lot of issues in the past. I had not done it in so long since I was 19 but recently I was looking online at me and my wife's shared phone bill and noticed something that got me snooping again. I am deployed right now and message her through a messenger I noticed the number that we text each other on but I noticed a similar number (one digit difference) that she texts a number of times through the day while I'm asleep or if she wakes up in the middle of the night and I'm not around to answer. I thought to myself oh its just her friend that she grew up with who is in the army and she has told me he texts her etc... so I thought no big deal but then I thought he is in the same area of the world as I am so he should likely be sleeping the same time I am which is when the texts happen. Now I am thinking it is a guy she had interests with before she ever met me. One time I had been using her computer and her skype automatically logs in on opening and I saw some past messages to him from her one of them being "Too bad we never got to meet in person" and this was after we gotten engaged. I think because he has a job hopping around the phillipines etc.... Help me keep from snooping and just to forget I don't want to snoop I trust her and I don't want to go through the same things I did when I was a teenager and did this stupid crap.

**MaidenMinx** · 16-08-11, 05:57 PM

You have 2 choices... forget about it or ask her about it. I'd personally opt for the second. Be upfront. Tell her you simply noticed it and you were wondering who it is, that you'd like to know who to thank for keeping her company while you're away.

Did you buy her those gift cards yet?

**bombboy85** · 16-08-11, 06:43 PM

Originally Posted by MaidenMinx

You have 2 choices... forget about it or ask her about it. I'd personally opt for the second. Be upfront. Tell her you simply noticed it and you were wondering who it is, that you'd like to know who to thank for keeping her company while you're away.

Did you buy her those gift cards yet?

I did they on their way to her, I told her about them and to expect them she seemed pretty happy but I told her through text since phone calls were dropping.

**MaidenMinx** · 16-08-11, 06:50 PM

Yay!

On the snooping thing, I'm bad for it too and have to stop myself all the time. When I start snooping I find it very hard to stop.

Please talk to her. Try to remain detached when you do. Don't let yourself stew on this and blow it out of proportion. For all you know she has found a female friend in the same boat that she is finding wonderfully supportive while you are away.

I don't envy military wives. It's a life I know I could never cope with, so please give her the benefit of the doubt. You sound like a really sweet guy, so try to stay sweet and understanding when discussing this with her.

**bombboy85** · 16-08-11, 07:09 PM

I try hard to give her the benefit of the doubt I think I'll just chalk it up to that childhood friend still maybe he's on night shift I don't know but there are no calls from strange numbers other than me. Besides if it's the other guy he's not in the states so it's not like they are hooking up or anything and maybe its just talking, She told him in that old skype chat I was talking about that popped up that she was getting married... of course he made a comment about oh so no more seeing him naked on cam (she didnt have one till I bought her one since its a long distance relationship). I do tend to blow things out of proportion. I'd like to think its a female friend but I doubt because she gets a long with guys better than girls and she has a few close friends she already texts that are girls. Oh well maybe I'll just try to let this one pass and let it slowly slip from my mind.

**Devilsbane** · 12-09-11, 07:42 AM

I had a girl like this. I kept finding crap like that. I found the best approach was to let the petty stuff go but then to ask about the other stuff. Don't accuse of anything or she will get defensive. Just say, hey babe, I saw this the other day and I'm trying to figure out what it means. It gives her a chance to come clean. Or maybe she will play the denial game and you notice things being erased. Then you need to get out.

**Illusional** · 13-09-11, 01:07 AM

yes, i would go straight to the source and ask her. worrying about shit like this isn't healthy for a relationship.

raverboy

**Incognito** · 15-09-11, 03:51 AM

Hey bombboy85, I don't know exactly what happened in your past that would EVER make you even consider looking past this, but you need to let the past go and tackle this problem NOW. It doesn't matter if this was a woman, the only difference would be that she might be gay or bisexual on top of having an emotional affair. It sounds like this is another man though from what you said. I don't know what role you're playing wile overseas, but if you're in the military I'd think that you have at least some manliness about you. There is nothing manly about saying "My fiancee is regularly talking to another man, having an emotional affair, and receiving naked pictures, but its [ok]. I'll just pretend it didn't happen so that there isn't any drama and I don't lose her". That is what you have said in a nutshell, and it isn't respectable. Instead of [not] snooping, you need to dig and get more hard information and confront her with irrefutable evidence. You already know that something is going on, so to stop snooping now and try to resume everything normally would be silly.

Even if she doesn't meet [this] guy her actions show that she cannot be trusted. She may very well do this in the future with someone closer to home, which could EASILY evolve into a physical affair.

**Gypsybell** · 15-09-11, 09:25 AM

Originally Posted by bombboy85

Believe me I know how bad this is, it's cause me a lot of issues in the past. I had not done it in so long since I was 19 but recently I was looking online at me and my wife's shared phone bill and noticed something that got me snooping again. I am deployed right now and message her through a messenger I noticed the number that we text each other on but I noticed a similar number (one digit difference) that she texts a number of times through the day while I'm asleep or if she wakes up in the middle of the night and I'm not around to answer. I thought to myself oh its just her friend that she grew up with who is in the army and she has told me he texts her etc... so I thought no big deal but then I thought he is in the same area of the world as I am so he should likely be sleeping the same time I am which is when the texts happen. Now I am thinking it is a guy she had interests with before she ever met me. One time I had been using her computer and her skype automatically logs in on opening and I saw some past messages to him from her one of them being "Too bad we never got to meet in person" and this was after we gotten engaged. I think because he has a job hopping around the phillipines etc.... Help me keep from snooping and just to forget I don't want to snoop I trust her and I don't want to go through the same things I did when I was a teenager and did this stupid crap.

I sympathize with you. Snooping is just one of those 'all or nothing' addictions. You need to not do it at all, or follow it through to the unvarnished truth (thereby risk losing a loving and perfectly innocent partner) any in between leaves you wallowing in suspicion, fantasy, jealousy and all the negatives that ruin trust. Long disatance relationships are not for the faint hearted, trust being one crucial element, commonsense the other. Being seperated for protracted periods leaves each to live seperate realities and hopefully re- merge for whatever together time you get. It is not realistic for either party to expect the other to go into 'social freeze' mode during seperations. It is a human coping defense mechanism to enter into other forms of stimulation, beyond a relationship, if their needs are not being met within it.

Put simply, it may just be for variety of interactive conversation that your partner enjoys speaking to other males. Given that the physical element is absent, she only has conversation to fill her needs, and you need to pay attention to that need if you want her exclusive attention. ( Or take equal blame for her seeking it elsewhere). Could it be that interraction between U 2 has become routine onto stale, confined to mundane matters, and draining, rather than stimulaing. Do you use the opportunity to explore each other's minds and make new discoveries? Do you ask her if she's paid the phone bill and forget to ask her what she's feeling? Do you banter, laugh and get frivolous? Well that is what you are competing with. Internet relationships are frivoulous fun. Marriage is often anything but. When you take away the advantage of being able to hold each other physically, you must consider your options. I hope this is helpful, and I do empathize with you being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Why not try to lighten up and join the fun? Be her internet admirer. It could make your homecomings spicy, You have the advantage of being able to follow through! I wish you well.

**BrokenHearted78** · 07-10-11, 12:08 AM

Why don't you just ask her? If you keep it inside and keep wondering whether something's going on all the time, it will ruin your relationship. Don't accuse her of anything, just ask her straight.

**Incognito** · 08-10-11, 01:44 AM

The original poster hasn't commented in a while. I suspect that the high dose of blunt truth that he got really turned him off. Speaking of blunt truth why did you comment on a thread that was inactive for almost a month. Rather pointless no?

**xiaokanla** · 13-10-11, 04:15 PM

Did you buy her those gift cards yet?

Thread: Help, I have an addictiong

Thread Tools

Help, I have an addictiong

Posting Permissions