Need some advice on how/if I should pursue this girl...

[owl]

Okay, so here's the basic story. I'm just out of a 4 1/2 year relationship 3 or 4 weeks ago. My ex told me she had feelings for her best male friend, never cheated, but I still couldn't get over that so I broke it off. The reason I broke it off was that I started to think of other girls as more than friends and to me that's a sign that things just aren't going to work out.

During the last couple of days of our relationship I went to a concert and ended up meeting this girl that I found both attractive and extremely easy to talk to. I'm a respectful guy, so I didn't end up getting her number out of respect for the relationship I was still in. I did end up becoming facebook friends with her.

So on Saturday or so, I ended up messaging the girl on facebook telling her I thought she was awesome when I met her and that I wanted to get to know her better. I left my number and said text me if you want. She responded pretty quickly saying something like you were a lot of fun. Here's my number. I'll talk to you soon.

So I texted her on Sunday and got no response. This confuses me because it seems like in the scenario I mentioned above she gave me her number willingly. If she wanted to, she could have said something like yeah cool I'll probably talk to you soon and not given me her number or even just not replied. Maybe texting is a bad way to go about things if I'm truly interested in this girl. I've always found that I analyze texts a bit too much.

What would be your next move, if any? Do I text again and if I get no response again just give up?

Thanks for any help in advance!

[maxmax]

Maybe she's got options, of which you are only one.

Maybe she is busy and hasn't had the chance. Today is Tuesday, it's only been a couple of days, so relax.

This is just a girl you met once. Take it easy. Make sure you're not simply pursuing her to distract you from your breakup.

Anyhow, she has your number, she'll know you're trying to get in touch. Leave it in her court for now.

[devonbrown]

maxmax is exactly right. You have no idea what situation this woman is in herself. Maybe she is in a relationship and when you texted her she thought the better of it. Maybe she thinks that texting is not as serious as a phone call. Maybe someone hacked her FB account and gave you a false number.

It could be a million things. There is no need to stress about it. Also, you are just out of a long-term relationship. Relax a little and play the field. Don't go throwing all your eggs into one basket so soon. She isn't the only woman out there.

Good luck.

[devonbrown]

p.s. - You said you tend to analyze texts too much. It also seems like you analyze non-texts too much too. Deep breaths and relaxation are what you need.

[owl]

Thanks guys. Deep down I know all these things you are telling me but I still get myself worked up about it. It's just something I can't help. Websites like these tend to help me reassure myself that everything is ok.

My problem is a massive fear of rejection. It's an irrational fear, but coming from a relationship that took me from 17 to almost 22, I almost feel like I don't know how to play the field. I'm so cautious that I only approach girls that I'm close to 100% sure have interest in me and then even after that I still tend to freak myself out.

[Sonrisa]

fear of rejection is everyone's massive problem. the difference is how long and intense you let it become.

[owl]

Ok. So I have kind of an updated question. We texted each other quite a bit last night and everything seemed to be flowing along pretty good. We have a lot in common. I kind of want to ask her out on a date but don't know if it's too forward to call a girl I've met in person for an hour and texted for a few hours and ask if she wants to go out.

Can I call her or should I stick to texting for now?

[pisces25]

If you want to date her then ask her. Why bother pussyfooting around? But keep in mind if she knows you have just come out of a 4 year relationship she may think she is your rebound.

[owl]

Yeah, the only reason I'm really worried about asking is because I think there's a possibility she might think I'm a scumbag for getting over my ex so quickly, or that she's just a rebound. I don't want that to be the case, but I guess I should just man up for once in my life.

[surfhb]

Yeah, the only reason I'm really worried about asking is because I think there's a possibility she might think I'm a scumbag for getting over my ex so quickly, or that she's just a rebound. I don't want that to be the case, but I guess I should just man up for once in my life.

dont be a pussy and ask her out. How would she know you're just on the rebound or you're out of a 4 yr relationship? Dont bring that shit up!!!

[Borealis]

Pursue. Pursue. Pursue.

The best way to get over the ex-relationship slump is getting into a new one. Better for your mind all around.

[Jenswaiting]

The best way to get over the ex-relationship slump is getting into a new one. Better for your mind all around.

I'm going to have to disagree here. The worse thing you can do for yourself or someone new is to rebound. Take time for yourself to get your head straight. By jumping into another relationship you haven't even given yourself time to get over the last. Serial dating will only mess up your head (and heart) worse than it is now.