online relationship got me in knots

[arora82]

Very confused about the net relationship I have entered with a guy who lives across the atlantic literally from me, we belong to the same country and share a common culture but belong to different faiths.

We have been in this relationship for about 4 months now my problems --
a) He initiated cyber which I reluctantly gave into coz I am somuch in love with him...He just feels that when 2 people are in love they shud express it. Never cam to cam coz He doesnt have a web cam --- so he says. I love this guy but apart of me says is he after me for this cyber thing. have never been comfortable with this n initially all are arguments revolved around this coz he said yes n I said no.

b) He says all the right things and seems always sensitive caring making time from his work for me bt never once has wanted to exchange phone numbers, we have exchanged snaps but thats all my problem I have exchanged more than one snap with him so he knows its me for sure, while he has only exchanged one snap with me....which I know puts a red flag flying high.

c) Confusion reigns galore coz at one level he seems to keep a distance while another he seems to want committment, we have spoken marriage, His words he has also spoken to his parents about us initially they were very excited but once they knew we are from different faiths....disappointement-
have put across concern as to whether I will convert. Bringing up children in a neutral enviorment let them have a choice etc etc etc.
My side I havent spoken to anyone at home or anything coz I am still figuring out is he for real. His mother is insisting that he date girls for real so that he sees reason n gets out of this net relationship. Its not that he hasnt been in serious relationships has been in 2 which he has told me already high school girlfriend n one more. His mother once caught him chatting with me around 4 am ...his bedroom ligths were on n she went ballistic that he was most probably talking to me on the phone..............

d) I have requested many times now for another snap bt that makes him all cranky n upset n even phone number doesnt want to exchange it. His reasoning the religious differences that we have will stir trouble for me at my end ....I am totally confused with this line of reasoning. I suspect sometimes he worries that i mite reject him coz may he is too fat or maybe he is too thin or maybe he has 10001 pok marks on his face. In our last argument I made this abundantly clear that its not his looks that I am in love with hoping........that he wud give in ...bt he comes back saying I know u think I am a fraud.........

e) I am so in love with him that I think I fail to see attimes that he is all wrong jst a creep ...but then are so many other things in our conversations that makes me believe he is genuine and the odd hours he keeps to talk to me coz of the time difference., if its day here its night there. I know he is not a married perv feel sure about dat or someone way too older...instincts bt I maybe wrong.

f) What makes me feel he is genuine well he always hints that I shud tell about my relationship to my sister get someone on my side to let this relationship materialize, make my parents see things differently etc etc.
Has even suggested eloping .."u have a passport I can arrnge things at my end to get u out of there". According to him our problems n I know in our country n culture religious differences are such a big no no that yes he is right, we have a major problem...n most people wud think running away n having a civil marriage is the onl option (hey on my end though I still need to figure out r u for real my love. I am not a 15 yr old to run away at 29 .......I am hopefully much more sensible)

g) My worst fear is dat he is into this coz of the cyber thing bcoz now if I want avoid it ......it makes him cranky as hell he will go to ends to start a sex conversation.....bt apart of me feels that he is making way too much of an emotional involvement for just that.

Everybody seems to say one must follow ones instinct bt what do I do my feelings for him make all instincts seem shortfused.

[MarkAPS]

What are the cultural differences? Like what religions?

[Boisdevie]

You have been in an online 'relationship' for 4 months yet you're already talking about marriage? To me that sounds seriously wierd. Have you actually met this guy in real life?

[Rawr]

Hello Dear,

Let me say this carefully. I know you love him. You love him cause he's there for you and he gave you the possibilities of 'what might have been' in the future. But yet, you felt that there is something wrong, as you mentioned before, no pics, and no cellphone number. And then you did the cyber thing. If he is a good guy as you described him to be, he would respect it if you say no.

I've been in online dating world for 14 years, I started chatting on ICQ at the time, ah good times. But now, I'm more like spotting losers, play their games and call them out, yes, I have nothing better to do sometimes. There are jerks out there, and the worse thing dating online is that, they don't even treat you dinner, they don't have the chance to woo you and impress you.

Be smart. Tell him you want to cyber, but you need to see his other pics to get you 'hot', and how you want to have phone sex because ur headset doesn't work, so you need his cellphone number. See if it works. If it doesn't work. This guy has secrets and he's not being honest with you. You need to leave this guy and move on. Delete him. Good luck!

[arora82]

no more wise words for me

[Wakeup]

How many more ways do you need to be advised that this is creepy and it's unhealthy what the two of you have going on. You cammed with him but he did not have a cam? Don't be surprised if you are'nt all over Youporn showing the world what you did with him. As I said in your other thread:

You have never spoken to him on the phone
You have never seen his real face
You have only one photo of him

For all you know you've just masturbated to a 14 year boy or a creep who lives in his parents basement and weighs 600 pounds.

Stop this nonsense and tell him you're not talking to him anymore until he gets a web cam and a telephone. End of. Best thing you could do is stop all this fantasy and get out there and meet someone close enough for you to have a real relationship with. This one is just silly.

[arora82]

How many more ways do you need to be advised that this is creepy and it's unhealthy what the two of you have going on. You cammed with him but he did not have a cam? Don't be surprised if you are'nt all over Youporn showing the world what you did with him. As I said in your other thread:

You have never spoken to him on the phone
You have never seen his real face
You have only one photo of him

For all you know you've just masturbated to a 14 year boy or a creep who lives in his parents basement and weighs 600 pounds.

Stop this nonsense and tell him you're not talking to him anymore until he gets a web cam and a telephone. End of. Best thing you could do is stop all this fantasy and get out there and meet someone close enough for you to have a real relationship with. This one is just silly.

THANKS once again...n thanks for letting me know that my porn most probably is all over the world...though I didnt cam with him.....I know everything you have been telling me is absolutely right .....bt I guess cause I have been dumb enough to have emotionally invested in this relationship......trying to find some ray of hope...maybe maybe jst maybe bit I know u r right. Thought reading 3 or 4 more opinins about how dumb I have been wud set my head straight once n for all thats y the repost.

[maxmax]

I am starting to wonder whether people really know what love is.

First of all, you DON'T love him.

You don't even know him.

All you know is the text that comes up on your computer screen.

This tells you very little about the person he is, and to a large extent only tells you what he WANTS you to think of him.

This isn't a relationship. You don't know what he is like to be around, the sound of his voice, the smell of his aftershave, his tablemanners, what he is like in public ... you know nothing, because you have never met.

Sorry to be harsh, but this is not love.

You have fallen for something that might represent what you want. But it isn't.

There are real men all around you. Do yourself a favour, get out there and experience a real relationship; one where you will have a real chance to experience real love.

[Cerby]

THANKS once again...n thanks for letting me know that my porn most probably is all over the world...though I didnt cam with him.....I know everything you have been telling me is absolutely right .....bt I guess cause I have been dumb enough to have emotionally invested in this relationship......trying to find some ray of hope...maybe maybe jst maybe bit I know u r right. Thought reading 3 or 4 more opinins about how dumb I have been wud set my head straight once n for all thats y the repost.

The online world is full of people who are full of sh*t, and the BS detector is going crazy right now. So so many things are wrong with what you are saying, especially him not even willing to talk on the phone. I can almost guarantee you're not speaking to who you think you are, it might be someone of the same age (an online perv would have been far more direct about meeting and screwing), but it is likely someone mis-representing themselves in some way for sure.

[Wakeup]

I didnt cam with him.

then silently thank your higher power you had the stength and state of mind not to do that.

So are you telling me that he gets cranky when you won't talk dirty to him so that he can get a boner and jerk off? If that's what you're saying then need I really say anything more about this creep who won't show you his face?

It sounds like you're starting to see this for what it is... So, what is it you will be doing from here on in?

[arora82]

then silently thank your higher power you had the stength and state of mind not to do that.

So are you telling me that he gets cranky when you won't talk dirty to him so that he can get a boner and jerk off? If that's what you're saying then need I really say anything more about this creep who won't show you his face?

It sounds like you're starting to this for what it is... So, what is it you will be doing from here on in?

I have already broken up before I posted this sad story here coz I dont have it in me to tell my best buddies at 29 ....I have been dumber than a 13 yr old....this forum things is jst an excersise in getting my head straight n the cringe factor included...to remind me NEVER AGAIN. Yes I do thank the Almighty somewhere I did show sense.

P.S - its the talking dirty part ...that got red flags flying otherwise I think I was completely taken over with the mush

[Wakeup]

If you learned something from this so forgive yourself and get on out there and meet someone that is of the same culture and town/city as you.

Good luck, it's good to hear you've given the online.email/long distance thing(s) up for good (hopefully).

P.s. don't let him talk you back into any of it. Delete and block him.

[arora82]

P.s. don't let him talk you back into any of it. Delete and block him.

The trouble is.....I am jst waiting to see his reaction when he knows I am gone for good...what sad story comes up...thats y havent blocked him bt I do know its fool hardy behaviour on my part. Toruble is cant get over all the nice mushy things that have been said ...even though now I am sure its all a pack of white lies. Y do i need a 99.99% sure that he is a jerk speaks volumes of my own state of mind.

[arora82]

[QUOTE=Cerby;749603but it is likely someone mis-representing themselves in some way for sure.[/QUOTE]

I so agree jst wish knew what for my own peace of mind

[Wakeup]

The trouble is.....I am jst waiting to see his reaction when he knows I am gone for good...what sad story comes up...thats y havent blocked him bt I do know its fool hardy behaviour on my part. Toruble is cant get over all the nice mushy things that have been said ...even though now I am sure its all a pack of white lies. Y do i need a 99.99% sure that he is a jerk speaks volumes of my own state of mind.

Oh for petes sake. What exactly did you say to him then when you played this game of "I'm gonna pretend to break up with you to make you do something to show me you love me." You are indeed acting like a 13 year old.

I'll leave you to it Arora. You'll do what your own temptation dictates to you no matter how it hurts you. The very least you should do is insist on his telephone number and cam to cam introduction. For all you know he could be married.