How to approach the topic of sex with a woman?

[robertdawson]

This may be a dumb question, but how do you approach the topic of sex with a woman?

If you do agree to sex, how do you make absolutely certain she doesn't get pregnant or you get an STD? There is no 100% guarantee she will be honest with you about STDs, so what do you do? Can you realistically suggest a mutual STD test without getting slappes in the face, especially if only oral sex is being discussed?

About birth control, you can't really quiz her and say: "now, have you missed taking it even once this month? Are you taking antibiotics right now? If you are that can screw it up." Sure you can slip a condom on but those can fail sometimes. Are you going to sit down with a checklist and say: spermicide, condom, birth control check? What if she finds out she is pregnant even after all that? What do you do then? Does she ways just take an emergency contraceptive anyway?

I'm asking this as a general question and for myself. I am not opposed to havkng sex at all bjt I do not want an STD and am scared shitless of a girl getting pregnant. I couldn't deal with a child and I'm pretty much against any type of abortion (why I'm asking about the emergency contraceptive). If someone decides they need to have one I would say they should be done before the baby's heart starts beating (around 5 weeks I think, they start to feel pain around 6 weeks I think) and preferably as early as possible.

Thanks.

[Evo1114]

This may be a dumb question, but how do you approach the topic of sex with a woman?

It usually just happens. Make out for a while, take things further and further until all clothes are strewn every which way.

If you do agree to sex, how do you make absolutely certain she doesn't get pregnant or you get an STD? There is no 100% guarantee she will be honest with you about STDs, so what do you do? Can you realistically suggest a mutual STD test without getting slappes in the face, especially if only oral sex is being discussed?

You have to think most people would be courteous enough to either tell you they have an STD or at least avoid having sex until it clears up. I certainly would hope so. I realize though there are some shady peeps out there. Outside of that...use protection.

About birth control, you can't really quiz her and say: "now, have you missed taking it even once this month? Are you taking antibiotics right now? If you are that can screw it up." Sure you can slip a condom on but those can fail sometimes. Are you going to sit down with a checklist and say: spermicide, condom, birth control check? What if she finds out she is pregnant even after all that? What do you do then? Does she ways just take an emergency contraceptive anyway?

Haha. I've never had anybody go through a checklist. Just wear protection. Not every girl uses birth control either. If you are really paranoid, just pull out or don't have sex when she actually can get pregnant. If she does get pregnant...well...you're going to be a dad. Better take a second job. I always use my own condoms. I don't want to find out that her pet cat has been using theirs as a toy, batting them around with its sharp claws and what not.

I'm asking this as a general question and for myself. I am not opposed to havkng sex at all bjt I do not want an STD and am scared shitless of a girl getting pregnant. I couldn't deal with a child and I'm pretty much against any type of abortion (why I'm asking about the emergency contraceptive). If someone decides they need to have one I would say they should be done before the baby's heart starts beating (around 5 weeks I think, they start to feel pain around 6 weeks I think) and preferably as early as possible.

Use protection.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

[surfhb]

Wow! You really feel you need to think this hard about sex? Always wear protection and don't sleep with someone until you have a good idea of thier character.

Other than than , it's out of your hands as a guy. If you get an STD or get her pregnant after all the precautions then that's just a little thing we call life.

[maxmax]

Use a condom and get some action.

That is unless you're the kinda person that doesn't leave the house for fear that something bad might happen to you 'out there' ...

[Kyrina]

She possibly as the same concerns, this is why you never sleep with someone in the first weeks as you are still getting to know each other,ask if she has ever had one nighter she may lie but listen to your intution.Some girls hate Q&A but for me its a must to actually try and find out how this person thinks.You learn so much their body language, the tells they have when they lie ie not meeting your eyes etc. Nothing in life is 100% SAFE you can only protect yourself and as for oral well if your gut says dont go there then dont. Females often ask a lot of questions in a new relationship, its not because they are nosy all the time its so they dont make the same mistakes as that ex and also its a way of seeing if your rebound.If she doesnt want to answer questions then look at the whole picture not a case of she's lying somethings are too painful to tell, say to her lets play Q&Aits nice to have the guy concerned enough to find out how she thinks it shows a deeper interest then just the usual trying to get in her knickers.Q&A to some will seem in intrusive but if you think about it we all do it in the first weeks we just dont ask we watch to see what they like makes them happy/sad.
its basic's of a relationship.



If i hadnt done this i wouldnt have seen the changes in my partner when he was trying to keep his affair secret for a month,so i wasnt completely K'O when i had it confirmed.

[MaidenMinx]

You do realise nothing in life is guaranteed don't you?

[Yet another guy]

You do realise nothing in life is guaranteed don't you?

Except death and taxes.

[robertdawson]

Well, certainly nothing is guaranteed, but it just seems like there is no good way to do what is absolutely necessary to do sex like you need to.

If you don't know for sure about STDs (both of you) then you're taking a big risk. Is a blowie worth the chance of getting an STD (one with a condom is damn near pointless)? It doesn't even have to be as bad as HIV/AIDS to be a major concern. Also, condoms aren't 100%. STD tests are pretty definitive as far as I know. It seems like both partners should volunteer it to be honest.

If you're using a condom + spermicide + properly used birth control then the chance is next to none, but what if that next to none happens to you? Will you know early enough to be able to end the pregnancy in the first 2-4 weeks?

I wouldn't want to turn down sex with a woman, but the idea of ending up with a child that you don't want at the time would be life ruining. Also, certain STDs could be life ruining as well.

[maxmax]

There are risks to everything in life.

Particpating in life itself, is a risk, but it's not as though any of us have a choice in the matter.

Take necessary precautions and that should be enough. If it isn't, then it's because sometimes things just happen. They just do.

If that's too much of a gamble for you, then don't ever have sex. Or leave the house.

[Yet another guy]

Is a blowie worth the chance of getting an STD (one with a condom is damn near pointless)?

Not if she knows her stuff.

As for the rest of the stuff. Yeah, there are risks. If you aren't willing to take them, stay celibate. Oh, and condoms are more effective than STD tests are accurate. Properly handled condom is very unlikely to break, I believe. And with an intact condom you aren't any more likely to get infected than cuddling without sex.

[robertdawson]

I've heard women and men say that blowjobs with a condom is pointless. The woman says the rubber feeling is nasty (even if you get flavors it has that feel) and the men say they can barely feel anything.

Condoms are more effective than STD tests? Really? Didn't know that. Where did you hear that from.

I think there is a 97-98% success rate with a properly used condom (not expired, kept out of heat and/or moisture, top pinched when putting it on, etc.). So I guess spermicide + birth control (or IUD) + condom would make your chances pretty close to zero (for pregnancy anyway).

[surfhb]

I've heard women and men say that blowjobs with a condom is pointless. The woman says the rubber feeling is nasty (even if you get flavors it has that feel) and the men say they can barely feel anything.

Condoms are more effective than STD tests? Really? Didn't know that. Where did you hear that from.

I think there is a 97-98% success rate with a properly used condom (not expired, kept out of heat and/or moisture, top pinched when putting it on, etc.). So I guess spermicide + birth control (or IUD) + condom would make your chances pretty close to zero (for pregnancy anyway).

Who the fuucckk would give or take. Bj with a condom on?

Just relax bro! Put on a condom and enjoy yourself....thinking too much will blow the excitement with her

[rafterman]

Condoms are more effective than STD tests? Really? Didn't know that. Where did you hear that from..

I think you missed his point.

[Yet another guy]

Condoms are more effective than STD tests? Really? Didn't know that. Where did you hear that from.

You can't possibly test for all infections. It also takes some time until an infection shows in a test if it's recent. Test doesn't protect you at all, if she's infected by something that wasn't tested. Condom will protect against all infections.

If you're paranoid, go ahead and take tests with anyone you have sex with, but don't think it'll keep you safe from infection.

Here's some data from herpes test. A random quote from a health site. Note the chance for false positives too.

HSV-1: Approximately 92% of positive tests give the correct result.
HSV-2: Approximately 92% of positive tests are correct, and 98% of negative tests are correct.

[Yet another guy]

I've heard women and men say that blowjobs with a condom is pointless. The woman says the rubber feeling is nasty (even if you get flavors it has that feel) and the men say they can barely feel anything.

I've had a mindblowing blowjob with a condom. It's not something that most women can do though, I believe. Still, I prefer to protect myself from infections at the expense of some pleasure. Women I've been with agree.