looking for unbiased advice

[emmemm]

I've been close friends with this guy for a couple years now, and the notion of evolving our friendship into something more never crossed my mind because he had a gf then and I respected that. They finally broke it off a year and a half ago because she cheated on him. It was sometime after they broke up and his "mourning phase" that I realized, I really cared about him and wanted to see if something more could develop out of this friendship. I waited 6 months after the day they broke up to tell him how I felt. He told me he felt the same way but wasnt ready to start anything new yet. Besides I was too busy with school to start a relationship. I had a degree I needed to get (which I did! ). I thought I'd tell him just so that he would know. Unfortunately, nothing much ever happened after that because of his meddling ex. Also, he still had residual feelings for her, which I think is ****ed because she was no good for him.

To complicate things further, he invited me to go out one night with him and a bunch of his close buds. I was completely inebriated, but he took care of me. He was touchy that whole night, like he'd hold my hand and kiss my forehead, or have an arm around me. I was too drunk to ask him what the **** was up because the last time I checked we weren't dating. I spent the night at his place but we didn't do anything sexual apart from kissing. I shouldn't have encouraged any of that but because I liked him, I couldn't help myself. I'm not one of those girls you can just take home and think you can **** her after a few drinks. hahahh I like to keep my dignity and self-respect thanks.

After that night, we never spoke of the intimate things that happened and he never followed up. I eventually brought this up because I wanted to clear the air and figure out where I stood. He reassured me telling me he still cared about me and that he still felt the same way but still wasnt interested in pursuing a relationship because he had other priorities, mainly his family and he wanted to finish school. He even told me he wasnt talking to any other girls.

I gave what he told me another thought and quickly regretted it when I discovered one night that his ex had come to pick him up from our workplace. I was completely livid because everything he had previously told me was complete shit. I kept a cool facade in front of him though for my sake. When I asked him about this, his rationale was that he didn't have a ride home. In response I asked him why he couldnt have asked a buddy for a ride or take the ****ing bus?! And to top it off he didnt want me to wait with him because he didn't want anyone getting uncomfortable or drama starting. First off, it takes someone real immature to start drama and two his ex is already in a new relationship so I honestly don't see what the problem was.

We had one more talk after that, which escalated into yelling. I've never shouted at anyone, but I was just so fed up with him, and tired of being patient and tolerant when my efforts were just, in vain. He had told me this time that he still cared about me, but only as a friend and he said something along the lines of "you expected me to fall in love with you". my reply to that, was this: "how can you just make that assumption when I never explicitly told you that. I'm not forcing you to do anything you dont want to do, or make you feel things that you don't feel". After that talk I ended up walking away from him telling him that he didnt have my best interests. While I was walking away he got into his car and followed me to the end of the parking lot and asked me if I needed a ride home. It was late and I didnt partiularly want to be walkin alone at night. So he dropped me off home.

I recently did some travelling with a gf. We had planned this trip for a long time and I felt that this was the perfect time for a quick getaway. While I was away he kept in touch and when I got back, I recieved an unexpected call from him just asking me how I've been and shit. Ever since I came back hes been flirty whenever we're alone at work and flirty whenever he contacts me. I dont encourage his behaviour nor do I reciprocate it. It's extremely difficult not to, and I always have to constantly remind myself that we're just friends.

Amidst all of this, I found out that hes been casually seeing a new girl. We hung out a couple days ago, at a kegger he was holding. Umm she was there, but it was fine. I'm not one to start shit, I care way too much about him and our friendship to ruin what it is we have. Shes a wallflower, but she was nice, and I think she found me intimidating (not that I was trying to intimidate her). He introduced this girl to me as a friend, and they didn't get touchy like him and I did that night I had aforementioned. I honestly expected him to at least, sit beside the girl or hold her hand but I'm guessing because of how things are with him and I, he restrained himself. Before I left that night we hugged each other and I think he held my hand when he was walking me out.

I still dont understand why things never worked in my favour between us. I mean everything seemed so perfect....we always have fun together, we could talk to each other for hours on end and not get bored. hes introduced me to his immediate family and his cousins and his best buds all well, approve of me. we're not **** buddies or friends with benefits so what the **** is up with his behaviour and whats the deal with the new girl? I have a feeling that she probably puts out. She may be a wallflower but its the quiet ones that you gotta watch out for. And not to sound arrogant or anything, but I'm definitely better than his ex and better than this new chick....she could make him happy, but I'd make him happiest.

[Wakeup]

You're friend zoned. He doesn't see you as more than as a sister or a best friend. No romantic interest. I think he just told you that he liked you in that way but wasn't interested in starting a romantic relationship with you just yet just to save from hurting your feelings. You've had a couple of convo's about how you feel yet he's not taken you up on any of your obvious suggestions of becoming bf/gf.

Find another guy to be romantic partners with and when you do, don't cling around this guy too much or the new guy will start wondering WTF is up with you and your need to be around this guy so much.

There's my unbiased opinion.

[arora82]

He is not that into you (sorry if it sounds harsh) but if you persue this guy u will end up getting hurt.

[emmemm]

hahahh I wrote unbiased because I wanted someone else's opinion who wasnt a mutual friend of my guyfriend and I.
but anyways thanks so much to you both, I totally appreciate it. and it's not harsh, I'd rather hear the truth over something sugar-coated.
my girls had told me that he might be keeping me on the backburner or as a safety net. It's a definite possibility and I refuse to settle for second best.

[Wakeup]

I refuse to settle for second best.

that'a girl.