Girlfriend has me confused/frustrated

[jwd8281]

I am a 24 year old male and have been in a relationship with a 21 year old female for 2 years. When we first met and started dating we couldn't get enough of each other. She was constantly laughing when she was around me, we truly enjoyed each other. Sex 2 or 3 times a week and it was great. It was like this until one year into the relationship she calls me in tears and says she doesn't think she is happy anymore. When she tells me this (over the phone) I flip out. Get really mad and ask what I did? Why wasn't she happy? Anyways after my flip out we talked and she assured me everything would be okay and that we would just work on changing things.

For the next 2 months I felt like complete shit. She said everything was okay but the sex and anything related stopped. Completely. This made me very insecure. She just said she was tired and wasn't in the mood. It has been a year and it is still VERY sparingly. Maybe once every 4 weeks maybe 5. She says she is happy and she loves me. But I've noticed she is always very annoyed at me, never really in a great mood, and hard to be around.

I mentioned to her that our lack of physical attraction bothered me (of course I didn't put it like that) but she got really upset saying that I made her feel awful about that and saying "Well I'm sorry I'm the worst girlfriend in the world". Of course I reassure her that she isn't and nothing changes. Now she just started nursing school and is very busy. I only get to see her about twice a week. Tonight we had dinner with her family then back to my apartment for a movie. So we start the movie and I start rubbing her back like I normally do and she starts talking about how tired she is. The minute the movie ended she says "Okay can you take me home now?" I asked her if she still likes being around me and she says yes. But damn, I am so frustrated. It seems that I have tried everything. While sex isn't the only thing in a relationship... physical attraction is a big part of it. Is she still holding something against me for flipping out a year ago?

I just don't get it. I am very confused and frustrated. Please share your incite. I haven't shared this with anyone because I'm a guy and don't feel comfortable talking to my guy friends about it.

[Evo1114]

Perhaps what she said was true and she really wasn't happy...and still isn't. Maybe flipping out on her scared her from breaking up with you so she's just giving up and hoping you break up with her? I dunno.

[jwd8281]

Well I have thought about that but it just doesn't seem likely. After I flipped out I told her that I overreacted and that I would be heartbroken if she did break up with me but I'd not let it break me. And that it would suck but I would be okay. She always tells me she doesn't know what she would do without me. Last week she was a little drunk and was explaining to me when she hoped I would propose to her. She seems to love me but she also seems to have trouble showing it since then.

[Hth]

Oh! Maybe she wants you to propose her as said? Sometimes, she wants you to do it and keep waiting for it, but you didn't, and it has made her upset and maybe doubting of your intention?

[surfhb]

Getting married would be the worst possible thing to do right now. You need to really get down to the bottom of what eating her up. Its not the fact you're not proposing....I can guarantee you that!

[jwd8281]

Nah it's not that shes waiting on me to propose, she said she'd like for me to propose a year and a half from now after shes done with school. And I honestly have been trying to get down to the bottom of it... for like a year now. I've been considering breaking up with her. It may sound shallow because it seems like I'm doing it because "she quit putting out" or something. But it's more than that. It's just... different.

[leoben]

Who knows what her problem is and it doesn't really matter anyways since she won't talk about it. She's telling you she doesn't want to be together anymore by cutting you off and being no fun whatsoever to be with. It wouldn't be shallow at all to give her what she wants and break up.

[Equinox]

I know exactly how you feel as I've been in the exact same situation. I was in a relationship for about 2 years and experienced almost the same thing you're going through. When the relationship started, everything was great. For the first 6 months or so I would describe it as the perfect relationship. We were both obviously happy, physical attraction, sex, emotional connection, everything was there. After about 6 months we got into an argument about something small and insignificant like most couples do. After that it was like a switched flipped. She seemed like a completely different person. The communication stopped, she started wanting to spend less time with me, and when I tired talking to her it was like staring at a blank piece of paper where words used to be. I spent the next year and a half trying to figure out what was wrong. When I would ask if anything was wrong, she would look at me with a half smile and say everything was fine and that she was happy. One thing I noticed was when something was going wrong in her life, or if she was having a hard time with anything, she came to me and when I comforted her it was just like old times. All of the attention, emotions and attraction came back ..... for about a week .... then she would blank out on me again. After about a year and a half of searching for the answer, I finally gave up and left. Couldn't spend the rest of my life miserable like that. Less than a year after I left she was engaged to get married. To this day I wonder why she treated me like that. I figure she didn't want me anymore but didn't know how to leave, so she just patiently waited until I did.

I'm not saying this is what will happen in your situation, but I do understand how you feel. I hope for the best for you two.

[surfhb]

Dude! Dont even think of marriage. Save that shit for your 30s. Work on the hear and now. maybe take a break and date others? You're only 24 and shes still in school....Jeesh!

[RyanJWhite]

Listen buddy, your girlfriend is too blame for her unhappiness. I can promise you that if you keep yourself as happy as possible. It will give you your best chance at making her happy again. Whats going on is her expressing her negative feelings to you has you feeling negative as well. The way you combat that is by being as happy and loving as possible and she will be fore to follow suite. The same way her sadness has brought you down, your happiness will bring her up. Instead of reciprocating with more sad thoughts therefore making things just worse and worse. Check my blog out in my signature bud if you have a minute you will benefit from it. Very sincere content to get you on the right track my friend.

[pisces25]

Two possibilities... she either isn't interested in you/this relationship anymore but isn't strong enough to leave and be alone, or courageous enough to break it off, OR the honeymoon period is over and she isn't quite sure how to proceed, like the 'excitement' has worn off and without it she doesn't exactly know what to do to keep the excitement alive.

You should just tell her how you feel. In my experience when I stopped wanting sex with my partners that was a sign I no longer wanted to be in a relationship. Can't say what caused it, but I think being young was a big factor. Not having the emotional maturity to handle a serious 'in love' relationship.

Tell her how you feel or break it off. You will regret wasting time on a relationship that isn't going anywhere.

[jwd8281]

Thanks for the replys. They have been helpful. As of now it feels like I have exhausted myself and stayed happy for the both of us for too long. I'm still considering breaking up with her but don't want to do something I'll regret quickly. It just sucks that I get along very well with her parents and sister, I'm almost one of the family. I don't know I've always thought... what if I break up with her and she starts seeing other guys and starts being fun and doing stuff she never wanted to do with me? Just seems like it'd be a major kick in the face. I guess I can't live by what if. But still, I love this girl and it would hurt to see her with anyone else. But at the same time I'm hurting being with her. Things were so much easier when I was single lol