Talk Me Out of Flying to Germany to See my Ex

[RebeccaOverseas]

My marriage is crumbling around my feet. I'm done with S (the husband) and all I want to do is fly to Germany and sit on M's (the ex-lover) front step until he comes home from work, so that I can look him in the eye and tell him how sorry I am for leaving in January. M won't talk to me, by the way. I hurt him too bad by leaving him. Please talk me out of buying an airplane ticket to Frankfurt in September.I've been learning German expressly to see him again.

[maxmax]

DO NOT FLY TO GERMANY! NEIN!

Did that help?

[RebeccaOverseas]

I would really like to practice my German though. I would really like to practice my German on M.

[maxmax]

Things to consider, and disuade you: he might reject you, and you'd find yourself on your own, in another country, and isolated.

That would be a very emotionally strenuous situation to be in, also knowing you had also finished your relationship with your husband.

I don't think that would be a particularly pleasant ordeal.

[Kyrina]

Dont do it, he was your safety net he was their for you and you hurt him now your marriage is crumbling and you see him as a safety net again and see your guilt in the hurt you caused him.How do you know he's not in another relationship because if he's my German M then your heading to the wrong part of germany (joke) to be honest i think your selfish and running away from pain.I dont know you but i do can guess at what your feeling my M screwed me over real good and all thee time im thinking crap i did this to my ex and i know he wants me back he's said so, so maybe i should go back at least then i dont have to face the pain from M and i can be again in the arms of man i thought had done me wrong but in actual fact i blew it out of porportion with my ex and left him only to have M screw me over.I know my ex is with someone but i know without a doubt he wants me . Oh the dilemma, dont do it honey it's not worth it he may look good to you now he may be there for you but that reason you hurt him before that now seems to be insignificant will raise its head again and you are basically back in square one.If your marriage is dead now then walk away take a breather find yourself but leave the ex alone for your own sanity*hug*

[Vanessa]

When the hell did you get married if you broke up with this guy in January? It's only 7 months later.

[Jenswaiting]

Didn't you say in your previous posts that he asked you not to contact him? If I remember correctly he got weirded out when you were with him the last time but wasn't forthcoming in why he acted strangely. Could it be that the only reason why you want to go there is because you don't have someone to lean on while you are hurting? Take care of you. Stop torchuring yourself. It sounds to me that you have idealised this guy but haven't balanced in how it ended. Let him go and don't go to Germany!

[RebeccaOverseas]

When the hell did you get married if you broke up with this guy in January? It's only 7 months later.

I've been married to someone else for 6 years. In fact, yesterday was my (depressing) 6 year wedding anniversary. I spent it at one of the most luxurious hotels in the world, with my husband, and was still depressed. I have to get out of this marriage but doing it alone, in Asia, seems so incredibly scary.

[smackie9]

You are in no way thinking clearly here. You are making things bad for yourself....Karma has got you back for having this affair, it was a bad choice. You owe it to your husband to explain what has happened. If it means divorce, be an adult and deal with it. As for your ex lover, he only has himself to blame for having an affair with a married woman and I'm sure he has learned his lesson to never do it again. It's over with your ex my dear....he is done with you and your foolishness. Your husband deserves better than this, cut him loose.

[RebeccaOverseas]

You are in no way thinking clearly here. You are making things bad for yourself....Karma has got you back for having this affair, it was a bad choice. You owe it to your husband to explain what has happened. If it means divorce, be an adult and deal with it. As for your ex lover, he only has himself to blame for having an affair with a married woman and I'm sure he has learned his lesson to never do it again. It's over with your ex my dear....he is done with you and your foolishness. Your husband deserves better than this, cut him loose.

My hubby is physically abusive. He's also an alcoholic. I think I am the one that deserves better than him.

[smackie9]

OK then why be with a man the beats you? Its a no brainer to leave.

[jb1111983]

Yes you deserve better than him but cheating on him makes you no good either. You and your husband are both better off without each other. And don't go to see your ex or whatever in Germany...yet. Get out of your husband's life first. Divorce?

[RebeccaOverseas]

I'm working on leaving and in therapy for guidance. But, it always feels good to have other people validate what my therapist says (which you do). Packing up all of my 3000 books in Singapore, plus all of my other things, is very difficult to do without any family or friends here for support. It isn't like I can just drive down the street to my Mom's house until everything is better (that would be one LONG drive from Asia). I cheated one time, and like the rest of humanity, am flawed.

[Evo1114]

Rather than flying to Germany, fly to your Mom's house. Jumping from one drama to the next will probably not be too good for the system. Let things cool off for a bit.

[RebeccaOverseas]

I've had friends in various parts of the world offer to let me stay with them while I'm sorting my future out. So, perhaps I should do that. One of my friends said that M is only a symptom of my unhappy marriage to S and that once I am no longer unhappy with S I won't think about M. S is a good guy most of the time. Sigh.