my problem could ruin our relationship

[needhelp22446]

I'm 17 years old and i have been dating my girlfriend (also 17) for almost a year now. i have a huge problem with the way think about things in our relationship. Every time she goes out with her friends i feel like i should be with her and the fact that I'm not angers me. i also feel like i should know what she's up to every hour of the day. When I'm not with her or keeping in touch with her i feel depressed and slightly mad. but to stop that i often go and hangout with my friends while she's out. basically the time I'm only happy is when I'm spending time with her. i love her and i really don't want to hurt her but If i put on a mask for her my whole life and pretend I'm the perfect man and not mad at all when she goes out i wouldn't be truly contempt deep down inside. i just think there should be a way for me to be okay with her doing her being her self and having friends. All i want is for her to be happy. Please let me know what you think every1 thanks

[Equinox]

I've been there also. I know how it feels to always want to spend time with the person you love. However, in a healthy relationship you each have to have your own time as well. That way neither one of you feels smothered. Once one person starts feeling smothered they tend to start putting more distance in the relationship. Then it can become hard getting that close connection back. You see how you miss her when you're not together? She's most likely missing you too. That personal time makes the relationship grow even stronger. It lets you both realize just how much you love each other and love spending time together. I know it's hard, but instead of feeling down and angry about the time she spends away from you, try your best to support her in every way. That will make the time you are together much more meaningful and let her know that while you do miss her when you're apart, you trust her and always want her to be happy.

[im_in_love]

First off, you're extremely controlling. Especially for how young you are. That could lead to major problems when you're older if you don't get a hold on it now.

It's normal for partners to have their own separate friends and lives outside each other. That's healthy. You DON'T want to shut off all of your friends and only spend time with each other. For some reason that seems to be the teenage thing to do when in relationships, and it only causes problems.

I hate to break it to you, but this won't be your last relationship or your last love. I know you can get tunnel vision when in a relationship, but don't let that steer you away from the big picture. You need your own life and so does she. You can't be with her constantly and know what she does every second of everyday. You'll drive her right out the door by doing that.

Take some time away from her and pick up your own hobby with your own friends. Join a sports team, anything that will give you your own space and time. You're a normal teenager in a relationship who wants to block out the world and only focus on your partner. That's normal for your age, and never ends well.

[Cerby]

I think its good for the OP to identify on his own the early signs of codependency. This is the start to a major problem, and likely stems from your own self-esteem issues. What you need to do is take the free time you have and start focusing on your own life.

Once you have confidence in yourself, you will also have confidence in your relationship.