Advice me please I am completely clueless about a long time crush!

[FrankV]

Hello everyone nice to meet you all!

I am a 29 year old male and I came across an old high school crush that got in contact with me in 2009. She was dating at the time and so was I, but we went out as friends. I felt she had a thing for me because she seemed to get jealous whenever I hugged my girlfriend at the time and always tried to make herself seem better in one way or another, and she NEVER spoke about her boyfriend to me. However, she was always very respectful and never pushed beyond friends while with him.

She is now single after 5 years with the guy. I asked her out on a date but she said she didn't know because she was afraid to lose my friendship (I immediately felt that I fell into "friends only" territory). We went out last night, 2 months after I asked her on a date, and we had a blast and what confuses me is that I'm picking up some signs that she is into me beyond friends.

For starters she is a very shy girl around me, and she has not dated much. She even admitted that with other people she talks her butt off...but with me she doesn't know why she is quiet. I have caught her glancing at me but as soon as I turn to meet her eyes she looks down or away. The times we do catch eyes I notice her eyes are very relaxed and gives me a very sweet look and looks at my mouth very slowly. She flicks her hair behind her ear in my direction and plays with her ear lobes whenever we do chat face to face. She even let me carry her across the beach last night...something she has never done before and when we sat down to eat she sat next to me and not across me.

At the beach she let me sit right next to her, I admitted to her that I liked her and she told me she didn't know how she felt about me. She just came out of the relationship I mentioned, and she told me that she was not ready to get into another one and she is enjoying her free time. I did not ask her out on a date however I merely just shared that I liked her.

We get along well and we are always laughing and she laughs at all my jokes and loves spending time with me. I'm just completely confused about her because I don't know if I have a chance to start something with her...or im completely stuck in the friendship zone and just move on...yet again whats up with the subtle signals she gives me?

I have never been this confused about a woman before and if ANYONE can advise me i would appreciate it beyond words! Thank you!

[Ric]

Perhaps you're reading the signals wrong (which is very easy to do if you're really into someone), and perhaps she does like you as more than just a friend but is honest about not ready to get into another relationship. Falling for someone doesn't automatically make someone ready.
Just continue to spend time with her, ask her on dates, etc. Just make her feel comfortable around you and don't expect anything. If she is interested, she'll let you know when she's ready for more.

[FrankV]

Good advice. I will spend more time with her and I will not push or force her into anything. I just feel like now that she's single I should try and move in...but for her that's being too aggressive and too soon. She is a very emotional person so it might take her time. Thanks I will follow your advice!

[smackie9]

Be careful with that advice....if you make yourself too available to her, you will fall even deeper into the friend zone. You spend all that time giving her all that attention without any obligation and before you know it she's interested in some other guy. Make yourself a little scarce, be open to date other women, and don't let her think you are willing to do anything to be with her. The more untouchable you are, the more desirable you will be to her. I'm a woman and I know how that female brain works....

[FrankV]

Thank you for that post Smackie! Funny thing is when I was dating my ex girlfriend she tried harder to be with me...she would always make little comments like "Or maybe it's because she's not as good as me...." and she would text me late at night and would try to get my attention more. I think your right about dating other women for the fact that I may fall more for her and deeper into the friendship zone. Im not going to really push anything else with her or try to spend all this time Im going to look for other women...and who knows what will happen.

Thanks again Smackie!

[smackie9]

She will be nipping at your heels if she sees another women interested in you