Am i bad person?

[ryan99999]

When a girl is not physically attractive to me, (mainly face wise, if not completely) I cannot even consider a relationship, whether I like her personality and intelligence or not. I know it's shallow, and wrong, and I hate it, I hate myself for it. I've tried convincing myself to get over it and I can't. What's worse, I don't think i'm attractive (I've been called average usually, but I disagree), so it's hypocritical of me.

Also, there's currently a girl that likes me, who I don't find attractive. I do spend time with her, and I'm lucky we consider each other friends, but I can't see her that way (and it's not just a brotherly feeling, I just met her, so that's not an excuse.) I wouldn't be able to lie to her, and tell her how beautiful she is, like a good boyfriend would (though he probably wouldn't be lying when he said it). To be honest, I don't think I deserve her because of this, if I could convince myself to seriously consider it.

Normally everyone considers me a good, well mannered person, but I disgust myself in this.

Anyway, does all this make me a bad person? And what should I do about this girl?

[Riku]

Don't date her, don't settle, find someone you are crazy about, life is too short to force something that isn't there. Attraction is a major part of a relationship imo, you shouldn't feel bad about it.

[Ric]

I'm not a girl, but, why settle for someone you don't think attractive?
No, it doesn't make you a bad person.

Just be honest to the girl, that you consider her a friend. No need to say you don't think her attractive, just that you don't feel the same way she does.

[Evo1114]

Would anybody get into a relationship with somebody they weren't attracted to? Don't force yourself into a relationship just so you can be a nice guy. Be in a relationship because you really want to be with that person.

[Vanessa]

Well technically you can't control the way you're feeling so it's not your fault. It is hypocritical of you though and I don't see how low self esteem goes with high goals. Maybe you'll get over it in time (how old are you?) but it is superficial and you will miss out on a lot of great girls, as for this one, I think she deserves to be with someone who values her on all levels and you're not that person.

Rereading this it sounds wrong. Point is you're not a bad person. Looks aren't everything but you should be attracted to the person you're with, and that means them corresponding to your idea of beauty, otherwise they might be better suited for being friends. It's just that personally I don't need the guy to be a calendar model, it's different things that make a relationship last. Wouldn't go for someone I considered ugly though.

[Ric]

I disagree with you, Vanessa. It's not superficial. It's very normal to want to be with a person that attracts you at all levels, including looks.
He might miss out on great girls, but then he'll find another great girl that he also actually thinks attractive.

Your last sentence is correct, though. And that's another reason why people shouldn't settle. Everyone deserves a person that values them on all levels.

[smackie9]

Dude everyone has a preference as to what attracts them...you take your time finding that person......never ever settle for anything less.

[Vanessa]

I disagree with you, Vanessa. It's not superficial. It's very normal to want to be with a person that attracts you at all levels, including looks.
He might miss out on great girls, but then he'll find another great girl that he also actually thinks attractive.

Your last sentence is correct, though. And that's another reason why people shouldn't settle. Everyone deserves a person that values them on all levels.

Yeah edited. I guess the first time I read the post I assumed he'd be one of those guys who wouldn't give a gal a second look if she didn't look like scraped off a poster but then I thought that each person's attracted to different things and that doesn't necessarily correspond to my first assumption. I should just get off the forum and go to bed.

[ryan99999]

Ok, thank you for your comments, all of you. I suppose I should say, often I find girls that many consider to be merely "OK" very pretty, but she is not (imo). I suppose the reason I thought this made me a bad person, is because I always here "looks don't matter", and "it's the inside that counts", and I took them as absolutes. It might help to note, in reference to the self-esteem comment, that I think I have at least borderline depression.