Failing relationship...both want it to succeed...sorry I wrote a book

[justinrc]

Okay, let's start with the fact that I have been sick for the last 8 months. Until recently we were at a loss at to what the problem could be. I've been to the doctor multiple times and he says my tests always say I'm in perfect health and he can't figure out why I keep having the symptoms i do. They include sporadic E.D., loss of sexual drive, lethargy, occasional strong headaches and nausea that usually leads to vomiting, and shortness of breath accompanied by painful irritation in my lungs with strong exertion. I'm telling you all this so you understand my problems not for a diagnosis.
We have been struggling to have sex when we can for the last half year and now it's become almost impossible. However, recently when I woke, feeling strangely invigorated, we attempted to have sex, and after some minutes she turned to me and asked me to stop. Saying she wasn't interested. As you can imagine, this did not do well for my self-esteem and I proceeded to leave the room. I paced for awhile in the living room and eventually returned to talk about the situation. We talked about the situation and how she's felt more and more closed off from me as we've attempted and failed. She is thinking about leaving me, but unsure if she should and feeling guilty for it. I assured her of my desire for intimacy and that our lack of it is due to my wish to quit frustrating her. We made all lubby-dubby and tried to have sex again, and I failed miserably. Collapsing in a ruin of ragged coughs and languid limbs I had to pant while I watched her tear up.
Afterwards, I was discussing my symptoms with my mom and she wondered if the symptoms could be accredited to mold. I said that I knew of mold in the house and to make an already long story shorter, we deduced my problem. Now we have nowhere else we can go to live to get away from the spores, but we are going to be attempting to clean up any mold out of the house in the coming month.
Following that episode, we haven't gotten very far intimately due to my constant nagging fear of her disinterest. I've expressed these concern's and she said that it should be enough that we both want to try and make the relationship work. However, her frustration has made it nearly impossible to remain in a positive mood around her. It seems like we're working against each other and I laid out my feelings about the situation today. I told her that "I thought it was insensitive of her to put her orgasms before my health and that it hurt my feelings that she would." I then proceeded to tell her that I was going to attempt to stay out of the house for the next three days and to go camping by myself. This upset her greatly as you can imagine, especially since Thursday is my birthday and I would be celebrating it alone. She then went to cry in the bathroom and then left for three hours. My way of dealing with frustration is to try to be productive. I cleaned and such, texting to make sure she was okay. She returned later and I was done and playing a video game....we didn't talk and she went to bed....
So...now she's asleep and I'm awake writing this long freaking story about my intimate of intimates, and the whole point was: How should I handle this situation from here?
I'm not going to stay away for 3 days as much as it would probably help my health.
I can't sleep now because I don't want to lose her but I don't see how we can break this cycle.
My thoughts are just to start from scratch....Go on an actual date and spend time together reminding ourselves of what has kept the relationship going through these hard times. Or should I put distance between us to give her a chance to see her life without me and make the decision for herself of what she wants to do? I can take the misery of her absence if it means she can figure out what will make her happy. I just can't keep smiling through her snide comments due to her frustration.

Oh the agony!

[MerryH]

My thoughts are just to start from scratch....Go on an actual date and spend time together reminding ourselves of what has kept the relationship going through these hard times.

Yeah, I think you should do this.

Also, try to be a bit more understanding about her frustration. You can't **** her, of course she's going to get frustrated. Anyone with a sex drive would. You telling her, "I thought it was insensitive of her to put her orgasms before my health and that it hurt my feelings that she would" shows a lack of consideration for her needs. And the way you phrased that was really hurtful. You could have expressed that opinion without making her out to sound like a selfish slut.

You're basically saying, "She should put my health problems above her own basic needs and also be ready to **** me whenever I want it, and if she doesn't happen to be in the mood, I'm going to go sulk in the other room." and "But, my self-esteem!!" What about hers? Do you think she feels wonderful in a frustrated, sexless relationship? You're a little selfish and I don't think you handle conflict in a healthy manner. You can't just leave after a fight to punish her.

I hope you've found the culprit of your health problems. I'd say it's more important to focus on fixing that before you focus on this relationship. You'll keep running into the same problems if you're unhealthy. Why is it going to take a month to clean your house?