this trust thing is hard...

[bombboy85]

So I'm doing my best to not slip into my old old ways of not trusting. How do you all handle yourself when you are asked to blindly trust your significant other? don't have time to go into details of whats on my mind right now but advice always helps

[tremolo]

Hemingway once said that the best way to learn to trust someone is to actually trust them. I tend to agree...

Fact is, you can't really not trust them, fairly, until they prove you can't.

[pisces25]

Yep. Innocent until proven guilty. Give someone your trust, if they f%ck your around ditch them. Their loss.

[bombboy85]

well what about situations that make you nervous, for example I'm deployed and my wife is back home so the thought is in my head. Last night she went and drank and basically went to a pool party with a friend of hers that she used to sleep with years ago at his friends house, got drunk and ended up crashing in their friends guest bedroom, she said he crashed in another room which I believe because she asked me to call her to make sure she was up to get to work in time so I called her and woke her up. Then today same friend met her to give her glasses back to her which she forgot at the house they had lunch then she went back to his place/his friends place and watched a movie with him and some friends... this all happens while I'm sleeping so can't text her etc the whole time anyway. I believe her that nothing happens etc... that she is faithful and I trust her, problem is that it still stresses me out and messes with my head. Any advice on relaxing this stress? I've basically been cheated on by every girl I've had a serious relationship with when the relationship was in its dying days so my trust capacity isn't great.

[bluesummer]

You have to force yourself to trust people, because if you don't you will just destroy any relationships with people. No one likes to feel like they are not being trusted, have someone's eye on them all the time. It implicates that you think that person is up to something bad and is therefore not a good person. Not a nice message to send to another person.

Most distrust is rooted in insecurity. The rest of it comes from having been burned before. What I've learned is to just trust unconditionally. If you get burned it's only as big a deal as you choose to make it.

[bombboy85]

I guess you guys are right which is what i have been doing is forcing myself to not be possessive and allow her the freedom to hang out with whom she wants. Yes it stresses me out and thats my problem not hers, sure there are things she could do to make it better but I've at least let her know thats its something that is on my mind and bothers me and that she has given me no reason to think she's up to something. I just don't like stressing over it but its a big part of long distance relationships so I have to deal with it. It doesn't help me though when I know that if she did break my trust I'd give up on dating for good lol, there would be one less good man in this world. Her words not mine that I'm a good man and that there aren't many left in this world

[bombboy85]

well I get a big test of if I have this under control or if it will resurface in two weeks lol. My stepdaughter will be at her dad's house for the weekend which means basically my wife's one free weekend for the year and she is planning on going out partying with friends all weekend, to a country bar that has pro bull riding shows (she has a thing for cowboys) and then the next night to the big college bar area in town and said she's good as long as she gets back home by sunday night for work on monday.... Just gotta trust her and hope there aren't times where I just can't reach her or don't hear from her for long long periods of time (minus sleep times of course). I think I should be able to handle it though with ya'll's advice