Can you rationlize your way out of falling in love with someone?

[NotTheGuy]

There's this girl....

I've built up a fragile little wall of logic, and it's the only thing keeping me from falling for her...

It's not some low-self esteem thing, it's real logic. And in addition to the logical reasons it wouldn't work out for me, she's got no interest in getting involved with me in any romantic way. So it's not happening, any which way.

Still, she keeps lingering in my brain, and the fact is, while I truly do not feel like I'm in love with her, I cannot imagine a moment of my life that would not be improved by her company...

[Vanessa]

A mate once shared a theory that you make yourself fall in love with someone by constantly building up different scenarios with that person in your mind and I think there's some truth in that. While sometimes you can't help falling in love, in some cases you start liking a person and the feeling seems to get deeper because they're always on your mind.

The first thing you should do is stop imagining how certain moments would be in her presence because that's not going to happen like you said it yourself. Get used to that thought and try keeping yourself busy so you'll have different things on your mind. Hobbies, friends, movies, whatever you can do. You'll think of her inevitably every now and then but try to block it out. One thing I did when I couldn't stop thinking about my ex before going to bed was finding a completely different thing to think of and imagine how that would unwind - going on a safari, starting a new job, owning a restaurant, anything. It took a while to get completely focused on the 'imposed' script but once I did, I'd fall asleep before I knew it.

[Wakeup]

Google "Limerence" and read the Wiki link to it because I think that's what you're experiencing. I also think what you are thinking is "love" really isn't.

[NotTheGuy]

I don't actually do much in the way ot picturing how moments of my life with her. She's just a bright, funny and caring girl that it seems anybody's life would be better with her in it.
And I am a busy guy. Unfortunately a lot of it is 'physically busy', as opposed to 'mentally busy', so there's too much time for the mind to wander.
I work with her 3/4 days a week, so it's hard to keep her out of my thoughts, and any day I'm not with her, I miss her.

[NotTheGuy]

Limerence: Interesting. I wasn't familiar with that term.

There is, however, a definite difference between what I'm experiencing and how Limerence was described. She's such a sweet girl, and I spent many years being a dirty bastard...I can't even think or her sexually. (That would be one of those logical 'why it wouldn't work' reasons I've compiled). I feel very protective of her, and can imagine doing innocent romantic type stuff with her, but not beyond that....

Oh, and I'm also not experiencing the mad drive to have her mirror my feelings...

[junglemonkey]

I feel very protective of her, and can imagine doing innocent romantic type stuff with her, but not beyond that....

What is beyond that? That sounds like love in iteself doesnt it?

Out of interest how do you know she has no interest in you in that way?

[NotTheGuy]

We've talked. She knows that I think she's brilliant in every way, but that I can't see it working as things are...

She's said she's not interested like that. I've got some years on her, and she thinks everyone over 30 is absolutely geriatric....

We actually have a running joke that I'm going to build a TARDIS, hop ahead 10 years or so, and date her future self....(Sorry, that was a Dr.Who reference if you didn't get it)

[Wakeup]

What is the age difference?

[NotTheGuy]

Scary age difference. Like 20 years.
I'm usually attracted to women more my own age. This is actually the first time I've ever been seriously attracted to someone so much younger than me. (Other than plain old lust for some young hottie)
Thing is, she and I are have many, many of the same interests and a similar sense of humor. And while I will still do 'younger' activities that most guys my age wouldn't, she's a lot more mature than most mid 20's American girls, and appreciates a lot of stuff that mostly people older than her are into (older movies, shows, music, etc)

Honestly, I don't think I've ever met any woman my age that I have as much in common with. (Sad, I know)

[NotTheGuy]

The age, however, is also the basis of most of the elements of the 'wall of logic' I was talking about.
I'm mellow, she's a crazy ball of energy.
She has a lot of friends her own age she hangs with constantly. They're less exceptional than she is. I wouldn't have much use for them.
She still has some young naive attitudes and beliefs that are hard to deal with when you're older. You don't want to argue about stuff you realized was stupid decades ago.
Because of her young attitudes, I'd have a hard time seeing her as an equal, and that's important...
Yeah, we have similar tastes in entertainment, so that's one age difference thing that wouldn't be a problem.

[Wakeup]

I think it's best we just let you keep posting why a relationship with this girl is just so not going to work out. You seem to be rationalizing your way out of this crush/infatuation/ego stroke just fine without the help of us who don't know you or her from Adam. So far you're making very logical points against allowing yourself to become any more emotionally vulnerable to her.

Go on a couple of dates with someone from your own generation and you'll appreciate why getting any further emotionally embroiled with someone young enough to be you daughter isn't such a good idea. Particularily when she doesn't appear to have the same infatuation for you as you do for her. Quit hanging together one-on-one and rehab from her and even more logical reasoning will come to you.

[NotTheGuy]

Can't really avoid hanging with her one-on-one when we work side by side several days a week.

Otherwise, that's good advice. Unfortunately it's pretty rare for me to meet any women my own age that I have any interest in other than physical. Sadly, there don't seem to be a whole lot of women my age who are young at heart, fun, and not really homely. (I know it's shallow, but you need to be attracted to someone)