help! feeling unapperciated.

[toytoy]

So I've only been with my boyfriend for 6 months but I feel so unapperciated. I tried talking to him but he never does anything about it. I cook breakfast lunch and dinner for him everyday. I clean after him I give him massages all the time since his back always hurts. But he never does anything in return for me. I know love is suppose to be unconditional but it feels unfair when I get out of school and after cooking him dinner and washing dishes then giving him a back rub for about 30 mins and when I ask for a back rub I get 5 minutes then he just knocks the heck out. And he never stays up pass 11 when he's with me but when he's of with his friends he can be out all night and not be tired. I'm just so sick of how unfair it feels. I don't know what to do. I love him but I don't feel apperciaited at all in this relationship,

[NotTheGuy]

You sound justified in feeling this way. Can I ask how old you two are?

[toytoy]

I'm 19 and he is.28

[NotTheGuy]

Sigh...This isn't going to be something you want to hear...

With an age difference like that, at this point in your life, a lot of times (not neccesarily with you two, but I wouldn't be surprised) the older person will develop a superior 'I'm an adult, they're just a kid, what do they know?' attitude. If he doesn't see you as an equal, that will keep him from respecting you. And when you don't respect someone, it's very easy to take them for granted.

On the other hand, he may just have an overinflated sense of entitlement. Did his parents spoil him before you two moved in together? He may just feel like he's entitled to being waited on.

[oldskool83]

why dont ya just stop doing so much for him, tone it back. your ages are kinda way off so i could see issues there but who knows. id talk with him and tone down on what ya do for him. somthing simple like he can make his own lunch or clean up his own mess. your not his mom, and if he wants a mom he should move back home.

[devonbrown]

Different people display their care for someone in different ways. However, this sounds like a very one-sided relationship. He is probably enjoying the attention, but might not be into you enough to put in any effort in return. And at 6 months in, you should really question why this is and is it worth it.

Take a step back, not just from what you do for him, but from him in general. Concentrate all the energy you spend on him on yourself. And realize that you deserve better.

Also, I agree about the age difference. In a few years, that 9 year gap might not be that big of a deal, but you are at two different places in your lives right now. And that makes it very hard to have any type of relationship.

Good luck.

[Andariel]

I know love is suppose to be unconditional

In my opinion, love should be reciprocal and conditional upon mutual respect. This guy is not doing much (if anything for you) whereas he has found someone who cooks for him, cleans up for him, washes his clothes and is in essence his slave. You do not have to( or should) do all these things for him. He is a big boy, he can take care of himself! You are not his mommy and he isn't 5 years old!

He needs to take responsibility for himself and you need to stop acting like you are a doormat. If you feel that when you do something it is not appreciated then obviously stop doing it!I bet then he will take notice and realise that something is wrong. Right now you have made his life so convenient and easy that he has absolutely no reason to reciprocate since you don't seem to be asking for anything in return. Stand up for yourself-if you do not respect yourself, he is not going to respect you either.You need to set boundaries asap.

[Boisdevie]

Love should include mutual respect. He's treating you like a slave/doormat. I would tell him to get lost.

[toytoy]

He is spoiled by his parents he always gets whatever he wants. the thing is that im not even living with him. We both still live with our families. He just tends to sleep over at my house all the time.

[Ric]

Unconditional love is a fairytale. You will always want something in return, as it should be. Both need to give or it won't work.
Combine that with the fact that he is 28 and you only 19 I suggest you to break up with him. He should be in a stage of life where he could support you, not the other way around.

[bluesummer]

If it's like this six months in, just imagine what it will be like in six years. Men like this don't improve with time, they get worse. If you live with him you're going to end up his mom and his housebitch (no offense intended).

I think you know what needs to happen here.