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[Crush15252]

Hello. Please don't judge me, Im just looking for advice. I feel like I'm losing my mind.
Ok, I'll jump right into it. I've been married for 3 years. We've gone through extreme ups and downs. We have a daughter together, and she is the light of our life.
Over the past year of so, I've fallen out of love with my husband. We've tried to rekindle but settle back into the same routines. I love him, but I'm not in love anymore.
Anyway, I'm having an affair of sorts. I'm talking to another man, and I really like him. I KNOW its because it's new and exciting and I understand that all goes away with anyone your with, but I cannot get that feeling back for my husband. I also KNOW that cheating is a horrible horrible thing, I'm beating myself up about it. But at the same point, I don't want to stop. I'm happier than imhave been in a long time.
Don't want to hurt my husband, I really don't. I'm contemplating a divorce. We've separated before.
About this other guy. I like him, but I wouldn't be leaving my husband for him, I would be leaving because I've obviously decided I don't want my husband anymore because I want to be with someone else. I may pursue a relationship with the other guy, but if (and it probably won't) doesn't work out, then I know there will probably someone better out there for me....someone I won't stray from. I've never never never cheated before.
Sorry this got so long. I guess the bottom line is, should I leave and find someone who makes me happy, or should I stay in a loveless (at least from my end) because I vowed tondo so, and owe it to my child.

[Hth]

Another story of " grass is greener somewhere", did your husband do something wrong or made you unhappy about him? Or you want something new because your relationship has been Old? Let me tell you, if you want to leave your husband, be ready that you will have more husbands after him, let's count that you will change every 3 years, and you might not that lucky to meet good men anymore, due to karma.

Pls, wake up. I hate cheating ppl the most, but I'm not gonna be harsh here. I'm 100% sure that you will regret later. Trust me.

[Mathias]

Obviously, the core issue is that you're unhappy. You obviously have to think about the child first, but she'll be much better off in separate households where the parents are happy, rather than miserable parents living in the same place.

Splitting seems like the best solution, but please get rid of this other guy until everything goes through. It's going to be hard, and it's going to suck, but you need to maintain a decent relationship with your husband even after you're divorced. That means you need to dump this other guy. Get through this, be amicable, and be there for your daughter.

You can do all the hanky-panky stuff later.

[Mathias]

I hate cheating ppl the most

I know I'm in the minority here, but it just seems like a bad decision rather than a reflection on the person themselves.

People put the cart before the horse all the time, and get swayed by overemotional situations. Cheating is exactly that - they're unhappy in their current relationship, so they enter a new one before leaving the old one. Of course, it's a terrible decision, and one they need to rectify and learn from, but there are FAR worse things in life than having sex with someone who you're not currently with.

[vampiress]

Please give your marriage a chance and think about your daughter!
Couples counselling might help.
P.s: you didn't mention any good reason to leave your husband.

[Mathias]

Please give your marriage a chance and think about your daughter!
Couples counselling might help.
P.s: you didn't mention any good reason to leave your husband.

Having grown up in a house where my parents didn't like each other, I completely disagree.

Watching them fight constantly (no matter how much they tried to hide it) fvcked me up for my own relationships. I wish they had gotten divorced 15 years earlier than they did.

[vampiress]

People put the cart before the horse all the time, and get swayed by overemotional situations. Cheating is exactly that - they're unhappy in their current relationship, so they enter a new one before leaving the old one.

Sometimes people cheat because one partner is simply not enough for them! What do you think of that?

[Mathias]

Sometimes people cheat because one partner is simply not enough for them! What do you think of that?

Then it's indicative of a bigger issue that they need to seek professional help for.

Cheating has become such an emotional issue that it's been blown out of proportion. Again, I'm not saying it's not wrong. Of course it is. It's just not the worst thing in the world, comparatively.

[vampiress]

Having grown up in a house where my parents didn't like each other, I completely disagree.

Watching them fight constantly (no matter how much they tried to hide it) fvcked me up for my own relationships. I wish they had gotten divorced 15 years earlier than they did.

What makes you think that you'd be a lot more happier if you were torn between two separate homes?

[Mathias]

What makes you think that you'd be a lot more happier if you were torn between two separate homes?

Because I am now, and even just going back and splitting time between them, it's a lot happier. They're both better off, and therefore, we have better times together and better interactions since there's no elephant in the room.

There's this weird misconception going around that being unhappy and together (in any stage of a relationship) is better than being alone and happy. Why is that? It seems completely backwards.

[Gal4Love]

Crush... I completely agree, 100%, with MATHIAS. I do not judge you. You are unhappy and you need to seek why this is. Do not rush into things with this man, it will only complicate things with your husband. Best of luck!

[HeartIsAching]

What makes you think that you'd be a lot more happier if you were torn between two separate homes?

Mathias is right. Children in a loveless home learn all the wrong things about relationships. My sister and I used to fantasize that our parents would divorce, and we could go live with our dad. I wish it'd happened... maybe it wouldn't have taken me until I was 40 to learn how to have a good relationship.

[Andariel]

I think it is really important that before you make any decision about your marriage , you first remove the other guy completely from the picture. I appreciate you are feeling unhappy but to be able to think clearly and ensure you do not make a decision you will regret, you need to remove temptation.

Have you tried couples therapy? If you didn't have kids and you were not willing to work on the marriage then obviously the easiest thing to do would be to get a divorce. Since you have kids together, I would say that it is worth giving couples therapy a shot, combined with completely removing the other guy from the picture. If after you have tried therapy you still feel unhappy with him, then you know what to do.

[rosejovovich]

I think you should talk about this with your husband and daughter. Tell them what you are thinking and listen to them. What's their opinions about this thing. Talk is the most improtant.

[vampiress]

Because I am now, and even just going back and splitting time between them, it's a lot happier. They're both better off, and therefore, we have better times together and better interactions since there's no elephant in the room.

There's this weird misconception going around that being unhappy and together (in any stage of a relationship) is better than being alone and happy. Why is that? It seems completely backwards.

I don't get it. When my father was willing to leave, I was 7 and my brother was 10 (our baby sister was only 1) I clearly remember us crying and begging him not to go. Mom even told us to lock the door and hide his keys... Why have I felt such panic when he left?