i fell in love with my boyfriend, but am starting to like someone else

[dxtania]

i know you're probably thinking this is classic...but hear me out.

me (17 yrs old) and my boyfriend (19) started dating about 14 months ago.
getting together wasn't the easiest thing. he used to like me, and i didn't like him back. i thought he was chubby, not charming, and just didn't' like him. i was however liking his best friend. after i stopped liking his best friend maybe a year later, i began to notice him. he took me on a few dates but it didn't really work.

what worked was when he started to date one of my friends i got so jealous! he always liked me and would do anything for me and now he liked my friend. i hated this, and that's when i figured out i really did like him. i told him this and soon after he broke up with her and told me he never really liked her and really was just trying to forget about me because he did still like me.
we got together and we've had a lot of fun times./
he's my first long term boyfriend and i thought i fell in love with him.

at our one year anniversary he gave me a promise ring..i took it with happiness and it was literally the best day of my life.
during this year, i got sort of obsessive. i was very selfish with him and didn't like him hanging out with other people and always wanted to hang out with him. he didn't really mind it, he just said he'll love me no matter what.
i know he's an amazing guy but fast forward two months.

now i'm at college in this program. i met a friend of a friend who goes to a nearby community college and we really hit it off.
we both smoked pot a few times and i already feel like i can really trust him, we've both opened up a bit to each other and he confessed that he liked me. this surprised me. he's a tall guy, extremely cute, funny, and sweet. (at least to me)
i never thought that a guy like that could ever like me, it still doesn't seem right. i never thought i could get the "cool" guy.
but apparently i did and now it's tearing me apart.

one other kinda random thing is me and my boyfriend tried weed for the first time together. he didn't like it at all but i really liked it but he made me promise to never smoke it without him.
but here at school with this guy i've smoked weed with 4 times in the last week and i'm hiding it from my boyfriend. i also hid the fact that i got drunk one night. and i don't feel bad about it. (but when i'm with my boyfriend i always think i should tell him but i didn't)

but anyways i don't know what to do at all. i really like this other guy but who knows what would happen in the future. i know with my current boyfriend even just a couple weeks ago i was worried we wouldn't last forever and now look at me. we've told each other we were each others soulmates countless times and meaned it and now i just don't get it.

also we're both pretty messed up...he has a couple anger issues but i have issues with over reacting that trigger that sometimes. i over react to the stupidest things and we always fight about it and i'm scared that he's the only guy that would still love me after i do something like that but i'm also scared maybe it's a sign and maybe it wouldn't even happen with someone else?

and one last thing, i've also started to feel less sexually attracted to him, but this has happened a couple times before and it did come back. i don't know :/

i just don't wanna lose the wrong guy..gahhh
if you read this thanks so much i <3 you

[smackie9]

Dear you really have no clue about the reality of relationships and how things go. Relationships are not forever, that only happens in fairytales. Relationships will come and go in your life. This one will end and so will your next one and so on. But there is nothing wrong with that....it's called experiencing life and it's supposed to happen. You need to go through some relationships in order to prepare yourself for when you do finally meet that person you are going to marry. You are too young to be thinking "future husband".

I'm guessing that is why you are so confused about why you are drawn to this other guy. Your misconception of a relationship being forever is in conflict with your normal urges to experience life. Even tho there is no sexual contact with dude, you are emotionally involved with him, going out and doing stuff together, etc.....that's cheating. You haven't told your BF about it because you don't want to face the consequences of your actions, and now you are here feeling a whole load of guilt.

You need to get your act together. You can't solve your problems with seeing the other guy....as you can see what you thought would be a harmless thing to do has turned into a real mess. Reality is, you are starting to wonder....that means your relationship with your BF is less than ideal, and the romance has fallen flat. It's time for you to admit to yourself you are in need to experience more than what you have. If you stay, you are just settling and will regret it.

[Yet another guy]

he always liked me and would do anything for me and now he liked my friend. i hated this, and that's when i figured out i really did like him

You do realize that saying that makes you sound like a 6 year old?
I've never understood how some people find it so hard to figure out whom they like.

[surfhb]

You do realize that saying that makes you sound like a 6 year old?
I've never understood how some people find it so hard to figure out whom they like.

Actually it makes her sound like a 17 year old

[Yet another guy]

Actually it makes her sound like a 17 year old

Hmm, I don't have experience of dating 17 year old girls. Are they usually so childish?

[surfhb]

You were 17 once....do the math

[Yet another guy]

You were 17 once....do the math

I'm sure I too had the problem that the toys that I found boring were suddenly much more interesting when someone else played with them. However, that was a problem somewhere before puberty. I don't remember having such problem during my late teens.

Maybe I'm just different from other people. Another way I'm different is that my affection to others is quite closely proportionate to the amount of attention they show me. Unlike OP whose feelings seem to be inversely proportionate. I suppose that it's part of me being different that I don't need to go on a break with someone to get some sort of revelation to figure out I like her and am interested in a relationship.

I didn't have such problems back when I was 17 either. Sure, I had other problems, in fact I'm still fighting the same problems as I did back then.

[searock]

If you feel like you want to be with another guy while you're into a relationship with someone, it means that relationship isn't really working out as it should. You feel like there is something missing, clearly. Break up with your boyfriend and learn how to be independent (i.e., don't break up with him just so that you can eventually hook up with the college guy). Once you learn how to be happy by yourself, you'll figure out what you really want.

[dxtania]

thanks for all the replies everyone...i know its childish but that doesn't exactly change the way i feel.
i just have to figure out what i want

[Yet another guy]

thanks for all the replies everyone...i know its childish but that doesn't exactly change the way i feel.
i just have to figure out what i want

Sorry about derailing the topic a bit.
What you said is exactly what you should do. Figure out what you want.

[xiaapiee]

do the math

[cloud10]

Don't lead the new guy on at all and tell the boyfriend how you feel. Don't waste their time because like someone said relationships come and go. Go with your gut.