We never got together

[skipper99]

ok so I met this girl at work about a year and a half ago. For most of that time we didn't talk but there was always lots of eye contact and checking each other out. This became more flirtatious and when we did start talking she would play with her hair and go red. I could tell she had feelings for me as well as me having them for her.

Of course there's always a problem and I knew she had a boyfriend, although I did hear through other people that she wasn't satisfied with him. When we started to communicate more I then heard she split from the bf, they separated and moved out from living with each other, and during this 3-4 week period we had a date arranged to drive to the coast and hang out. Then apparently the bf got hold of her phone and checked through it and got jealous, resulting in her telling me that we should postpone the date until things cooled down. Of course the date then never happened and they got back together and have now moved back in with each other into another house.

The problem is I think this girl is awesome, we got on really well and have a lot in common. I still believe she got back with him as it was the easy thing to do rather than the right thing to do. Although right now I'm blanking her at work hoping this will get my head straight. I still really want to be with her though. The whole situation is rubbed in every day as we are right next to each other and have to work together.

I'm tempted to have it out with her and ask her why she broke from the bf in the first place just to get this out of my system.

My head is a total mess right now with this whole situation. Reading this back I kind of think what the hell am I doing and you'll probably say well I shouldn't be messing with someone who has a boyfriend!

What to do?

[carl1222]

Skipper, you're posting in the wrong place. You will get more responses if you post in the "Love Advice" forum or the "Broken Hearts" forum.

Personally, I don't think this girl is a good risk for you as she seems to be strongly attached to her boyfriend. You can't really change that and she will put you on a roller coaster. It's way too soon for her to be in a new relationship.

[rjg117]

Honestly mate, there are plenty more fish in the sea.

Think of it like this: You don't know what is going on behind the scenes. It is ALWAYS a bad idea to go after a girl who has a boyfriend. It is an even worse idea to go after a girl who has just broken up with her boyfriend. Not only does it make you look like a sleaze who just wants sex, but there is also a very low chance that a good relationship could ever come out of it. Boyfriends and girlfriends have fights all the time, some of which result in breaking up for short periods. A lot of the time they are still in love with each other.

The other thing is, it is not a particularly good idea to date someone who you work with anyway. Work relationships never really work out. They also make it very hard to have your own personal space, when you see each other every single day.

I think you should try and move on. Go out and look for some other girls, talk to some friends, find a hobby to get involved in. Just stop thinking about this girl. If some time in the future she ends up breaking it off with her boyfriend and you're still interested in her - give it a couple of weeks and then talk to her. Don't offer your support, because it comes off as sleazy and you will most likely be friend zoned.

So in short, my advice: Don't go after a girl in a relationship or who has just left one, don't date people who you work with, and find yourself some other things to do with your time instead of thinking about this particular girl.

[Blahblahblah19]

If you truely believe you had a connection that could be something great, then don't pass her up. She is most likely doing what she thinks is best for herself, but you need to show her that you are what's best. Tell her exactly how you feel and that you want the chance that was taken from you to show her how great you are. If she rejects you, well then it wasn't meant to be. But at least you can say you tried, because honestly, what do you have to lose? You're already awkward at work so it's not like that's something new and if you don't you'll regret it at some point and always think what if.

[skipper99]

Thanks for the comments folks. Two opposite opinions there. Kind of like having a devil and an angel on each shoulder.

Right now I'm trying my hardest to blank her out or just be formal in work conditions, it's not the easiest as we have to interact for projects and she's always trying to make fun out of everything and make me laugh. I'm having to reject her each time she offers to make drinks to stop the flirting. I'm going to stick by your advice rjg (or at least try) and concentrate on other things. It's going to be difficult because there's definitely something there between us.

Do you know if a post can be moved to another part of the forum?