Phyiscal Abuse

[VNLifegood]

You know, I really had no idea where to put this topic. Maybe a moderator will have an idea, or maybe this will just be glossed over and quickly left behind.

I have been a witness and a close examiner of many relationships in the short span of life I have had thus far.
And this is a topic that plagues my mind as well as female and male friends. My calculated guess is that there are individuals on this forum both younger and older than me so I want to get a wide spectrum of opinions.

Some describe this as how the tides have changed, or the thought process. That in the time of my grandparents, the guy was rarely at fault in a situation, and if things turned out badly, including physical abuse, it was usually because the female did not carry things out properly.

I WILL NOT SAY THIS WAS RIGHT. It was not by all means.

But I will point out that it seems that the pendulum has swung to the other side. Now days, the guys I know who are less player types are the one's who are the toy and should a girl hit a guy publicly, even in the family jewel region, the girl tends to get away free as a bird. I have seen this time and time again, and even bore witness to a situation wherein the girls and a few guys in the the group believed the guy did it.
I must admit though, when I saw a situation where a friend hit his girlfriend in front of the rest of us and the chaos that ensued, I was having mixed feelings. I feel as physical abuse or hitting others stems from a variety of things.

It seems to be attributed primarily to:
1. Culture and ethnicity, some countries and societies find it more acceptable than others
2. Family background and how the family treats one anothers
3. Social experience
4. Mental state, wherein we have the famous Insanity Plee in more violent situations

That being said: I find that I am overall disappointed with how things seem to be. In certain situations, the hitting and abusing is accepted if it's just the girl. Other times it's not if it's public or else if it happens to be viewed as a "cheap" movement.
Then we have the gender disassociation wherein the girls today are usually given more value as they are viewed as "fragile" and "weak" in comparison. That has definitely not always been the case in some of the situations I have heard. The girl would sometimes be the far more athletic individual and the guy really not so capable of hurting a fly (We guys tussle, I know from experience how weak these guys are).

That being said: What are people's reactions and feelings to how physical abuse is seen or handled today? Why is it that sometimes physical hit is viewed more poorly than mental abuse. After all, mental torture can often be far worse and create a longer lasting scar than a physical hit.

[Bo]

I wouldn't necessarily say it's 'accepted' if it's a female hitting But stats show that 98% of chronic abusers are men. You are also using the term 'abuse' quite loosely, define it. Also ppl who abuse have a moral code, and they will abuse only if they feel it's right. For example someone who says "hey, i'm not one of those men that just go home and beat their wives for NO reason". Ppl who abuse will often say i did it beause x,y,z did not go my way or get done.

[Bo]

You also have to recognize that the strength of a man is often, not always stronger than the strength of a woman. You make the comparison.

[VNLifegood]

True enough. I defined it loosely because I really want to hear what others think. I put a lot forward which is my view on physical abuse. I don't really condone it in all situations. To be frank, it's like what you said: I believe there are situations that call for it. I don't feel good about it later. I feel miserable. Pathetic even. Because it doesn't seem to always be the right way to handle things. But sometimes, I have seen that is all that can be done to make the other individual aware of how much they are troubling you.
And I still want to hear an answer to last part of the original post:

"What are people's reactions and feelings to how physical abuse is seen or handled today? Why is it that sometimes physical hit is viewed more poorly than mental abuse. After all, mental torture can often be far worse and create a longer lasting scar than a physical hit. "

[HeartIsAching]

I wouldn't necessarily say it's 'accepted' if it's a female hitting But stats show that 98% of chronic abusers are men. You are also using the term 'abuse' quite loosely, define it. Also ppl who abuse have a moral code, and they will abuse only if they feel it's right. For example someone who says "hey, i'm not one of those men that just go home and beat their wives for NO reason". Ppl who abuse will often say i did it beause x,y,z did not go my way or get done.

Show me the "stat".

If indeed that stat is accurate, it's merely because most men don't report physical abuse by a woman. I speak from experience. I really should've just called the cops the first time she hit me, instead of hitting her back. Really... my life would've gone much differently.

Of course, then I wouldn't have gotten what I needed to make things work with my wife, so who am I to say?

[VNLifegood]

Heart, I feel like you and I share something similar.
I had that issue too. Ultimately, the one type I hit my wife hard, was the day I got screwed the most. But the many times before when she hit me, causing bruises (Either in fun or anger).

[vampiress]

Show me the "stat".

If indeed that stat is accurate, it's merely because most men don't report physical abuse by a woman. I speak from experience. I really should've just called the cops the first time she hit me, instead of hitting her back. Really... my life would've gone much differently.

Of course, then I wouldn't have gotten what I needed to make things work with my wife, so who am I to say?

WTF! she hit you! ...was it so bad that you needed to hit her back?!
Even at the worst moment in my previous relationship, I couldn't bring myself to hit him...no matter how many times I'd wished for it. hitting your man means you don't respect him.. and that wounds his ego!

[VNLifegood]

Yeah. I did the same thing as Heart. It's what broke us down completely to nothing at all.

[HeartIsAching]

WTF! she hit you! ...was it so bad that you needed to hit her back?!
Even at the worst moment in my previous relationship, I couldn't bring myself to hit him...no matter how many times I'd wished for it. hitting your man means you don't respect him.. and that wounds his ego!

Just to clarify, vampiress, I was speaking of an incident years ago. NOT my wife, my ex.

And yeah, it was bad enough for me to hit back. Her false reasoning was exactly the same as yours - that if she wasn't strong enough to hurt me, then she could hit me if she wanted to. Guess what? It's just as illegal if she hits me. Difference was, I'm not a nice guy. I've told you I'm not a nice guy, that I was raised in violence... she hit me and I cleaned her clock. It wasn't right, but I wasn't in a space to acknowledge that.

That was actually the first time in 16 years that I'd hit someone smaller than me... and the smart thing would've been to simply call the cops and laugh at her hideous face as they cuffed her and stuffed her, but I didn't. Instead 6 or 7 years later, she got to laugh at me as I was hauled off.

I've made no bones on Love Forum about who I am, what I am, and where I've been - you're the one that has made unreasonable assumptions and has false expectations of me. Sorry to burst your bubble.

[vashti]

To be frank, it's like what you said: I believe there are situations that call for it. I don't feel good about it later. I feel miserable. Pathetic even.

I understand more fully now why your wife left you. You disgust me, and I don't care how bad you feel about it later.

[VNLifegood]

I understand more fully now why your wife left you. You disgust me, and I don't care how bad you feel about it later.

Hm. . . Thanks for your words Vashti. I suppose I am a disgusting individual, and this is what I deserved ultimately.
But her hitting me, and her mentally torturing me was of no meaning I suppose?

[vampiress]

Just to clarify, vampiress, I was speaking of an incident years ago. NOT my wife, my ex.

I'm already aware of that...

Her false reasoning was exactly the same as yours - that if she wasn't strong enough to hurt me, then she could hit me if she wanted to.

But that's not MY reasoning.. I only meant that I would never ever hit a man in my life ... because it shows disrespect.... and that might hurt his feelings beyond repair... and that means NO coming back.

the smart thing would've been to simply call the cops

WTF! Show me ONE red blodded man that would act SMARTLY when his woman hits him... I'm no man but all I know is that men have such temper........
I'm not surprised at your response. I'm actually shocked that there're women out there who HIT their men?!

I've made no bones on Love Forum about who I am, what I am, and where I've been - you're the one that has made unreasonable assumptions and has false expectations of me. Sorry to burst your bubble.

Believe me, I've read your post about your wife's ex very carefully but maybe you didn't read my answer... I didn't make any assumptions whatsoever. YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON BY NATURE... you can fight it as much as you like. but I'm not taking my words back... I know what'm talkin' about...

[Mish]

Neither physical nor mental abuse is acceptable regardless from whom it comes from men or women as mistake or as revenge. If relationship is no longer workable then the person who feels victimised should leave.

[HeartIsAching]

I'm already aware of that...

But that's not MY reasoning.. I only meant that I would never ever hit a man in my life ... because it shows disrespect.... and that might hurt his feelings beyond repair... and that means NO coming back.

WTF! Show me ONE red blodded man that would act SMARTLY when his woman hits him... I'm no man but all I know is that men have such temper........
I'm not surprised at your response. I'm actually shocked that there're women out there who HIT their men?!


Believe me, I've read your post about your wife's ex very carefully but maybe you didn't read my answer... I didn't make any assumptions whatsoever. YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON BY NATURE... you can fight it as much as you like. but I'm not taking my words back... I know what'm talkin' about...

Alright, my apologies. I thought you were saying something entirely differently in your post.

I CAN show you one man that would react differently - my dad. I've SEEN my mom hit him and him not raise a hand to her in response. Of course, he didn't call the cops either so you're right there.

[vampiress]

Alright, my apologies. I thought you were saying something entirely differently in your post.

I guess I'm the one who needs to apologies, I should've known better than to DIG into bitter memories ....