Why does she want to take things slow?

[Greekniko23]

Ok so there is this girl I have been dating on and off for over 3 years(we are both 19 btw). But we have never had a true boyfriend/girlfriend type relationship because she has never had time. She took college courses during high school and she worked full time. But now her life is less hectic and we are trying to settle down. The problem is that she wants to take things slow. It just makes me a little insecure, that's all. We have so much fun together and we can talk for hours without getting bored. Also, she loves my family and always talks about our futre plans together. And during the last three years, I have been the only guy she has dated even when we weren't together. I just don't understand why she wants to take things so slow. Should I ask her about it? The truth is that I love her with all my heart and would do anything to make her happy. I just don't want to lose her. Any advice is appreciated.

[Belle13]

Well If love her you can wait for her to be ready on having a serious relationship maybe she has a lot of priorities in life. Just enjoy the time being with her continue loving her maybe she will realize soon that she is ready. in the end True love Waits.

[Greekniko23]

I have no problem waiting for her. It's just that I only see her around once a week, and a I'm afraid that if things stay slow, she'll lose interest in me.

[shamandalie]

I'm curious, what do you mean exactly by taking things slow? Is it just that you don't see each other as often as you would like to or something else? Maybe she's afraid to get hurt since your thing has been on/off?

To me talking about future plans together doesn't really seem that slow. ) And don't worry, she has only been dating you this whole time by her own choice so I believe she wants to be with you. But yes, you should definitely ask her about the reasons. But be careful not to pressure her about it, make it clear that you care enough to wait until she's ready.

[Cerby]

Even though this has been on and off for 3 years, Someone asking to take it slow is usually a red flag, especially after this amount of time has been invested. Honestly, you need to get more information from her for what she wants, ehat she expects, etc.

[Greekniko23]

What I mean when it comes to "taking it slow" is that she won't go too far physically. And also, when I ask her about becoming my girlfriend, she says she still needs time to take that step. Yet when I asked for us to be exclusive she said, "I thought that we always were". Oh and she tells other people that I am her boyfriend. By the way, I'm sorry that it's so confusing.

[Greekniko23]

I agree. I think it's time I opened my mouth and got some info.

[Mathias]

I agree. I think it's time I opened my mouth and got some info.

Yep. And don't be embarrassed if this is about sex.

[shamandalie]

What I mean when it comes to "taking it slow" is that she won't go too far physically. And also, when I ask her about becoming my girlfriend, she says she still needs time to take that step. Yet when I asked for us to be exclusive she said, "I thought that we always were". Oh and she tells other people that I am her boyfriend. By the way, I'm sorry that it's so confusing.

It's confusing and that's why you're here, right? Well, she calls you her boyfriend and you're exclusive so that sounds like a relationship to me.. I figured this might have something to do with the physical part also. Not many guys complain about things moving too slow unless it has something to do with sex.
When it comes to that it's natural for women in general to wanna take things slow. So you're just gonna need to be patient and talk this through with her. You should also ask her what she considers to be a relationship and what part of it exactly does she wanna take slow. She can't call you her boyfriend and not call herself your girlfriend at the same time. Anyone would be confused. But if she talks to you freely about other stuff as well then she should have no problem explaining exactly what she wants from you.

[Mathias]

It's confusing and that's why you're here, right? Well, she calls you her boyfriend and you're exclusive so that sounds like a relationship to me.. I figured this might have something to do with the physical part also. Not many guys complain about things moving too slow unless it has something to do with sex.
When it comes to that it's natural for women in general to wanna take things slow. So you're just gonna need to be patient and talk this through with her. You should also ask her what she considers to be a relationship and what part of it exactly does she wanna take slow. She can't call you her boyfriend and not call herself your girlfriend at the same time. Anyone would be confused. But if she talks to you freely about other stuff as well then she should have no problem explaining exactly what she wants from you.

Of course it has to do with sex. But it's been 3 years - this isn't slow. There's something else here, and he needs to find out from her what it is.

[Greekniko23]

Of course it has to do with sex. But it's been 3 years - this isn't slow. There's something else here, and he needs to find out from her what it is.

What do you think it could be? Do you think it could have been a past relationship that ended up in her getting hurt?

[Mathias]

What do you think it could be? Do you think it could have been a past relationship that ended up in her getting hurt?

Probably inexperience and fear, but you'll have to find out from her. Quit guessing.

[Greekniko23]

It's confusing and that's why you're here, right? Well, she calls you her boyfriend and you're exclusive so that sounds like a relationship to me.. I figured this might have something to do with the physical part also. Not many guys complain about things moving too slow unless it has something to do with sex.
When it comes to that it's natural for women in general to wanna take things slow. So you're just gonna need to be patient and talk this through with her. You should also ask her what she considers to be a relationship and what part of it exactly does she wanna take slow. She can't call you her boyfriend and not call herself your girlfriend at the same time. Anyone would be confused. But if she talks to you freely about other stuff as well then she should have no problem explaining exactly what she wants from you.

The thing is that it's not really about the sex. It's like even when we try to get more intimate with kissing, she kinda backs off.

[shamandalie]

Probably inexperience and fear, but you'll have to find out from her. Quit guessing.

Agreed. And yes, 3 years is an awfully long time to be holding back.

[shamandalie]

The thing is that it's not really about the sex. It's like even when we try to get more intimate with kissing, she kinda backs off.

She sounds insecure cause she has no experience physically. But yea, talk it through with her. Guessing is just gonna give you a head ache. And you might wanna prepare to discuss this for a while. It's not likely she'll give you all the answers right away.