What should I do when this happens

[TheSingleGuy]

This is something that happens to me repeatedly. I meet a girl, usually in a restaurant bar or a bar (that's just where I normally meet women), get her number, plan a date, call her up and ask her out. We talk on the phone, everything is going fine. The day of the date, a few hours beforehand, I'll call to let her know when and where we'll meet, etc.

I have noticed the pattern. If she doesn't answer the phone when I call and she doesn't call right back within minutes, they flake out on the date every time. This happens to me ALL the time. I don't know if they are getting nervous or playing games or if they've just lost interest and are no longer attracted to me.

It kills me because these women might be really good for me, but because I am getting flaked on, lately I've been ending the pursuit there. I could be waling away from some good women. Obviously, their behavior is pretty normal because most women do this to me.

The pattern is this, I call, she doesn't answer. I either leave a voice mail or I hang up and send a text.

I've found that if I wait a few days and try again, and continue the pursuit later, they'll usually go out with me, but lately, I'm getting to the point of just ending the chase at this point.

I understand some women want to "feel pursued". But to me, this is a just plain rude. Maybe they are testing to see just how bad I really want to see them...how sincere I am. Maybe they think I'm a "player" and this is their way of testing me, to see how I react.

When a girl flakes out on me like this, should I A.) pretend like it doesn't bother me at all and not send a text or call for a few days, then re-initiate pursuit? B.) Text something along the lines of disappointment at the time of the flake or a few hours later to show that I was sincere about seeing her and now I feel rejected or C.) something else?

Really need help with this. Thanks.

[smackie9]

If someone stands you up, don't bother doing anything because it means "I'm not interested" so there is no point calling or whatever. Second, when you take a lady out on a date, you go pick her up, and bring her flowers like a gentleman. Maybe meeting up for a date makes you look like a cheap ass. I certainly would feel that way.

There's a possibility you might come off as too pushy so they will say yes to anything to get rid of you.


But I,m gonna go with cheap ass.

[MerryH]

I meet a girl, usually in a restaurant bar or a bar (that's just where I normally meet women), get her number, plan a date, call her up and ask her out. We talk on the phone, everything is going fine. The day of the date, a few hours beforehand, I'll call to let her know when and where we'll meet, etc.

This is where you're going wrong, somehow. You plan a date and then call her up and ask her out? Then on the day of the date, you call to tell her when and where? Why so much planning? And with so much planning, why isn't there a set time and place for the date?

You're probably contacting them too much. Do this: Meet girl, get her number. Call her within the next day or few and ask her if she'd like to meet you at [time and date], for [activity]. Then show up at the arranged time. Phone calls between the time you first meet her and the next time you meet her are unnecessary.

I don't know if they are getting nervous or playing games or if they've just lost interest and are no longer attracted to me.

"No longer attracted" to you? You don't know that they were ever attracted to you in the first place. These are practically strangers that you met in a bar/restaurant. Don't expect so much.

When a girl flakes out on me like this, should I...B.) Text something along the lines of disappointment at the time of the flake or a few hours later to show that I was sincere about seeing her and now I feel rejected

No. Never. It's very lame.

When a girl flakes on you, just stop trying. She's not into it. She would not have flaked out if she were into you. Or, if she has a legitimate reason that she can't see you at the arranged time, she'll be apologetic and try to suggest another time to get together.

[Andariel]

When you meet a girl and she gives you her number:
1.Give her a call next day or the day after (don't wait too long because she'll think you are not interested or playing games but also not too soon.ie the same day, because she might think you are desperate)
2. Like MerryH said suggest the day, time and place of your date.
3.If she agrees don't start contacting her all the time but
4. Make sure you call her the day before your date to confirm that you're still meeting up the next day at the agreed time and place.

This is a courteous approach, shows that you can take initiative and follow through with plans, is not pushy/desperate and confirming is really important because if you scheduled the date a while ago she might not be sure if it still on.