What if...

[Marriana]

What if I know, my ex boyfriend was the love of my life I will never love anyone like that again. I know I cannot be with him any more. He has done very bad things and a year ago I just had to get out no matter what. I did. I saw him again little ago and we talk once in a while. Now, everyone used to tell me, that one day I would think how stupid i was staying with him and just getting over it once I would see it from distance. I can see it from distance. I am calm. But I have never came to the point of thinking I was silly. On the contrary. I now more understand myself as in why I was staying so long. Especially now when I saw him again and overcame that fear that I would just faint if I ever saw him again, I know that I simply loved him. And actually more that ever, I love him now. it is different. I accepted him as he is and am trying to accept the reality that he will never change and I will never be able to live with him. He will disappear from my life again because I know that is the only way of dealing with the way he is. But I just love him. It is not obsession anymore. He cannot manipulate me, I have my own life...but the my love for him is there. Why is that so? Is it going to stay like that forever? Why did it happen? why could not I meet someone that I could live with? Does anyone of you experienced this? What happened then? (I would just like to point out, that I am not 16, nor 23, but 29...).

[iamsin]

If he has done such bad things and won't change, he is not the one for you darling, you should move on and find someone right who will appreciate you. I think it's just the broken heart talking, I know what it's like, you feel like you will never get over it but trust me, you will, just hang in there, take some time for yourself, see your friends and family, be successful and you willl be happy. The right person will come along in the process.

[Andariel]

You have not mentioned what it is he has done that made you end the relationship with him but if you feel that whatever that was cannot be overcome and therefore you cannot be together, then I don't understand why you are torturing yourself by remaining in touch with him, let alone by actually meeting him!

This is the worse thing you could possibly do to yourself when you are still in love with you ex because you simply cannot move on until you have removed him from your life.Every time you contact him and vice versa, you will start reminiscing about the past, you will think about the good times and you will start wondering whether you made the right decision, whether you ought to have stuck it out a bit longer, whether you should have changed in order to be with him etc.

This is unhealthy and detrimental to your emotional health. Why would you ever want to go back to someone who has hurt you so much?Why would you want to settle?You are the one who is not allowing yourself to heal by telling yourself that he was the love of your life, that you will never love like that again and you will therefore never be happy with another man. This, however, is all in your head-it is not real. It is just a way of remaining stuck in the post-break up blues. You must cut off all contact with him if you want to get over him and you must stop telling yourself that he was the one for you.If he had been the one, you would still be together and he would have treated you with love, kindness and understanding.

Until you accept this is over and go No Contact with him you will be stuck in this unhealthy situation.Do yourself a favour and start being proactive about your post-break up recovery.It can be done but you have to actually want it.