Smoking = Reason to breakup?

[nave27]

I've currently been dating the same person for over a year and when we started dating, she was a social smoker (maybe once or twice a month or whenever she is around friends that smoke). I expressed to her that I hate smoking and really didn't want to date a smoker long-term. She said she was quitting and that she had smoked 5-6 cigarettes a day a few months earlier. Fast forward to present day, we recently had a fight about her smoking and she now say she doesn't want to quit now but will do it eventually.

I am in love with her but my stance stays the same, I don't want to date a smoker. On top of that, I feel like she lied to me to squash the issue when we started dating. Anyone else have a strong hatred for smoking and what would you do? Thanks

[mwahahaha]

You cant force someone to stop smoking. How would you like if she stopped you looking at dwarf porn. Yeah, thought so.

[surfhb]

How could you be in love with someone and not accept thier faults? You knew she smoked from the start

[MerryH]

It's a dumb reason to break up with someone, but if you don't want to date her because she smokes, just end it.

Maybe if you explain exactly how it affects you, you won't come off as such a jerk. So, how is it affecting you so negatively that staying in this relationship isn't worth it?

[TheTooya]

You can't change people. The reason you have isn't bad... but you really should have realized sooner that people are hardly ever quick to change their old habits. :/

[IndiReloaded]

I wouldn't date a cigarette smoker. Personal preference. Oddly, I don't mind the odd pipe or cigar. It shouldn't be a regular thing, tho.

[HeartIsAching]

Oh please dear god in heaven break up with the girl. Give her a chance to find somebody that isn't a judgmental controlling prick.

[bulrush]

Kissing a smoker is like kissing an ash tray. I've done it. Kissed a smoker, that is. I don't like it, and it's a deal breaker for me. And I never believe the "I'll quit later" BS.

[NeverDated]

Deal with her smoking or break-up. I have a feeling "social smoker" was not the term you were looking for, as even the most vehemently anti-smokers can deal with someone who lights up over a drink with friends.

Honestly, you got yourself into this by expecting her to be different than she is. You can't pass the blame by saying she lied. Most smokers consider quitting all the time, but we never find the time we're ready to do it. She told the truth, but isn't prepared to kick the habit. And don't even consider telling her "smokes or me." She'll despise you either way. Learn to accept her smoking or bail.

[devonbrown]

I don't think she was necessarily "lying" when she said she wanted to quit. She probably did. But then she didn't. And now she is not ready to quit.

I am not going to condemn you for not wanting to date a smoker. Everyone has different things that are deal breakers to them. You are saying that smoking is a deal breaker for you. And that is fine. What you have to deal with now though is that you allowed your deal breaker to be not that big of a deal at the beginning of the relationship. Regardless of what she said she wanted to do in the future, she was smoking when you met her and started dating her. Now, if you break up with her, you appear to be a hypocrite. But if it is a deal breaker, it is a deal breaker. And you will just have to deal with the fact that she might think you lied to her in the beginning of the relationship.

[searock]

Well if you made it clear when you first started dating her that you would have gotten into a relationship with her ONLY IF she quit smoking in at most an year or something, then I think you have the "right" to break up with her, now that the year has passed and she is still smoking. If on the other hand you didn't set any deadlines, then you did a mistake in sticking around for so long even though she didn't quit. It's like it was ok for a while, so she got used to it being ok, but now you're suddenly making a big fuss out of it. So yeah if there was a deadline involved (or something like that), I don't think it's wrong of you to want a break-up, but it would seem pretty hypocrite of you if you haven't been crystal clear since the start.